People

People, I marvel at the diversity God has put into people.  Whether they're introverts, extroverts, famous, obscure, flamboyant, humble, tight or loose - the variety is astounding.  I am in the midst of learning more about how to see people and what my part of interacting with them is. 

I find it very interesting that while I learn lots from people who connect with me in very real and deep ways, I also learn a whole lot from those who are very difficult for me to connect with and who I have no natural affinity for.  In the past, I would avoid people who offended, were just too problematic or who I absolutely had no values in common with.  Over time, I've seen that God has purposely put people in my path who I have no love for in my natural self and who do not flow in line with me easily.  He's done this because I must learn to live into the Christ in me loving them. This is proving the glory of God.  I can no longer back away or avoid them.  They are special and precious opportunities.  If Christ is big and overcoming and amazing (as we know He is) then He is all of those things in me - and particularly where I (in my flesh) have a propensity to take offense.  I must choose not to live in my old flesh nature and instead see with Jesus' eyes those giftings, potential and (barring the ability to see any redeeming thing whatever) love them because that's who Jesus is in me!  Even if they never change.  Even if they intend to hurt or harm me.  Even if they make things difficult for me.  Even if they remain in their sins or choose vile things.  I'm so thankful that God loves me though I'm vile and sin - I get to love the same way He does, because He's the one in me doing it.  And, it 's powerful to live this way.  It means that what people do or do not do has no bearing on my direction, intention, actions or attitude.  That means I can actually focus on positive and good things that keep me at peace - I focus on God. 

This is something that definitely takes practice.  Lucky me, I have a whole world to practice on.  Abundant are the individuals who will make my flesh crazy (it's like a little blinking neon sign - "Here - Right Here - Opportunity to Love").  But abundant then are those precious opportunities to see with right eyes.  Judgment has been taken care of at the cross.  None of us (no not one) can live in any way deserving of God's great gift to us.  He is the one who has done everything needed to take us out of sin and make us able to have relationship with Him.  Our whole life is the greatest of opportunities to display the power and truth of Christ in His people on the Earth.  That is a very great priviledge and I want to live into valuing and honoring it more.

Looking for the things Jesus sees when He looks at people, what an interesting and fantastic journey this is!

Intimacy

Finding out some interesting things about intimacy.  Did you know that if you lack intimacy you will fill the need for it with other things?  Oh, yes you will!  Human beings are made for intimacy. It can be particularly painful and harmful when people form misperceptions that keep them from appropriately engaging intimately.  It affects their ability to connect with God, other people and themselves. 

Take me, for instance, I had good parents who loved me. However, I had terrible ear infections from the time I was a baby until well into my teen years.  Part of what I discovered about how I perceived myself as a result of those ear infections is that, though my parents took very good care of me and got me medical care and tended to me - at some point during my many bouts with illness I would cry, quite a lot, seemed like hours (my ear infections were particularly painful).  And, until the meds would take effect (sometimes a couple of days) there was really nothing my parents could do to take the pain away or stop me from crying. I can imagine how hard that was for them and how, even if they never intended it, they could have become very weary, irritated and impatient. As a small child this left me with several faulty beliefs about me, some of which were - "you are too much", "you have to be perfect to be loved", "you have to take care of yourself", and "it's not OK to cry".  Those beliefs (and many others) have affected my life and interactions with others. I'm really still finding out how they have. While I have friends and love people very much - I am very limited in how trusting I am with people. I have a much harder time receiving from others than I do giving to others. Letting things go, making mistakes, being embarrassed in a public way - these have been things I've dreaded and the fear of them have kept me from doing things I really want to do. This blog - admitting things in writing in a public way would have been the last thing I ever would have done prior to some of the healing I've received.  Even with healing, I find that I still hesitate in some areas.  But, the need for intimacy does not just go away, despite fears.  I find some of the ways I compensate are to spend time on Face Book. Sometimes food becomes a way.  Rescuing work situations and being perfect (or at least trying to appear to be) were also ways I've tried to fill the need for intimacy.  Some ways I see others fill it - for men, it can be sexual addictions, for women, relationship addictions (I have some of this myself), with both men and women it can be gambling, games, and obsessions and addictions of all kinds.

So, what does proper intimacy look like?  I'm no expert and still have a lot to learn, but my perception of it is being able at all times to be myself authentically and wholeheartedly without having to control or be perfect or worry about failure, rejection or judgement.  Oh and being open to connect with others - and especially God.  We become our true self in intimacy with God.  He made us for Himself - not for ourselves.  But, we do live as though we are made for ourselves - part of "the fall" selfishness. Please do not equate intimacy with God to religion, it is not. It is relationship not a rule book. We will only be truly ourselves in knowing, loving and beholding God.  Intimacy with Him brings freedom from self centeredness and the only true happiness we can know (see my blog entry on design). 

Looking forward to growing, healing and learning more about all of that!