Christopher Hitchens Died

Today is the day I found out that Christopher Hitchens died.  He died December 15th from pneumonia - complications tied in with the esophageal cancer he was fighting. I found out inadvertently through reading some people's Face Book entries about his death.  I'm sure many may wonder how I could care anything about him. I have to say, I didn't expect to cry but can't seem to stop tonight. It makes me so sad and shocked to hear it. I knew he had been ill for some time, but did not expect it or that I'd take it this way.  I was just  recently talking with a friend about him. 

Papa put Christopher so heavy on my heart for many many years.  I had no illusions about his views or lifestyle. I was well acquainted with his alcoholism, the many things he's said and written about God, Mother Theresa, faith and other things over the years and his crazed "in your face" staunchly "New Atheist - or Anti Theist" stand.  Despite all that, I find something about him resonates.  Really.  There was a brilliance and passion for writing and speaking on things he believed in that were quite breathtaking. Sadly, his giftedness for persuasion was very effective in bringing many around to his views.  Though I have no agreement in any way with much of what his life stood for, I must acknowledge his superior abilities and grieve greatly the tragedy that they were so misguidedly used.  Even more tragic is the loss to Christopher of the relationship with Christ that would have brought him such deep restoration and peace.  He always struck me as a man very very angry with God.  In publicly decrying and denying Him - he flaunted his utter disdain and contempt of God - putting Him in His place in the only way seemingly left possible to him.  I had seen in Christopher a very little boy left alone in desperate straights to fend and defend and very much wondering where God was when injustice regularly ruled in the world. I think he was somehow hoping to provoke God to a throwdown.  In all these years God's impressed upon me how deeply He loves Christopher.  What God impressed upon me has really shown me so much about God and Christopher - maybe that's why his passing has touched me so much.  I have always had hopes about him in my heart.  He has a brother who knows Jesus and though they'd had some very great differences over the years, they had remained in contact and I believe were on the best terms in 50 years right before he died.  I always prayed that Papa would open his heart and bring the right persons into Christopher's path to reveal Jesus in the way he would authentically recognize and see the truth about Him. I always hoped he'd embrace Christ's love for him and lay down his monstrous devastating hurt, rage and pride.

I don't know what state Christopher died in - whether he came to Jesus or not.  But, I tell you, on that day - when all the beloved gather at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, I hope to look into the faces and find his there. Really.

Gift or Pay?

I was talking with someone today and something she said really struck me.  I asked her what she wanted for Christmas this year.  She said she really didn't want anything, she felt she didn't deserve anything.  Then she mentioned about being good.  I reminded her, Christmas is not about deserving or being good enough - Jesus came/was given to and for those who could never BE good enough (we ALL qualify for that). She didn't really want to talk about that, said she'd been pretty good this year as opposed to last year (this is her estimation of herself). Plus, this year her money's all going to school and other things, so she feels bad receiving when she can't give.  I just shake my head on the inside - how Santa's persona has been put onto God.  How, if we'll just be good enough or give enough ourselves, we'll deserve and be entitled to good things. And how when we're bad or can't afford things, we may feel sort of crummy accepting good things because we (in our pride) have not earned them ourselves and want to!  What a terrible trap to be caught in. To honestly think we can ever really be good, in and of ourselves.  To shun humility and brokenness for that ever elusive perfect state of "self being goodness" and the sham notion that it's actually doable.  This is the trap most of the world is caught in - the "Santa's Watching" trap.  He knows the tally - he knows if we've been good or bad.  Trouble is, he is us and our tally keeping is very questionable at best. We keep the tally with Pharisaic zeal, blind ineptness, and crooked self denial all in one! Jesus, thankfully, did away with the tally board.  He is the only one who could ever strictly fulfill it perfectly and pay in blood for our everlasting inability to boot! And, by simply trusting in His having done it - we have ALL that we could never deserve!  How amazing is that?!!  Now that - that is something to celebrate!! 

So,  repeat after me: "Gifts are not earned".  "Things earned we call Pay". Some people give Pay and call it a Gift - expecting something in return. This is not what God does. God truly gives gifts beyond price that He knows we cannot repay. We are never gonna be able to "earn" eternal life with God. It's beyond earning, even by devout "monk types" with God's grace. He gave life in Himself through Jesus as an extravagantly generous love filled reflection of His heart and intention toward us - we just have to receive and enjoy forever!  It's funny how many, after having professed to receiving Jesus, try to earn Him still! STOP!!  The proper response in a gift genuinely received and appreciated is enjoyment of it  - not stuffing $20 dollar bills in the giver's pocket ever so often to pay for it. It would be funny if it were not so tragic.  When we live wholeheartedly enjoying a gift sincerely given, our earnest enjoyment is all that The Giver ever really intended. We should want to learn to be really good receivers of sincerely given gifts, but then, that's a gift in itself!

I choose gift - definitely gift. Hope you do too! Love to you all!

Got Thanks?

Thanksgiving, it's the big family event this time of year in the United States. Thanksgiving was established in our Puritan roots, Pilgrims fleeing religious persecution to establish Christ's Kingdom in the new world gave thanks to God for all His blessings in the midst of terrible hardship.  Many pilgrims died in merciless trials and difficulties while pioneering the new land. Typically, many Americans associate Thanksgiving solely with deciding which traditional dishes will be prepared, who will prepare them and, of course, what time the turkey will be served!!  This is followed by various pies, desserts, coffee and endless football games where people try to meet the challenge of staying awake (some don't try at all) with a tummy full of turkey and specialty foods.

I ask myself, was there something the Pilgrims knew that we don't?  Within the grimness, sparsity and difficulty of their circumstances - they were thankful.   Modern day Americans may ponder, how could this be? We don't seem to know how to be thankful much.  Oh, I hear people say they are thankful for God, family and other good things, but the same people turn around in the next breath and pour out a stream of such bitter anger and negative condemnation on their fellow man, circumstances and anything else in their path that all traces of thankfulness evaporate in the face of it.   I know this well - I've been the one doing it at times! However, I believe that what the Pilgrims knew is being revealed all over again at a whole new level to a new generation of the beloved - Pilgrims establishing Christ's Kingdom in a whole new way world wide.  We have the opportunity to see circumstances, people and all things through the eyes of thankfulness.  Why?  Because we have an overcoming God!!!  This is not to say that things are not heartbreaking - they are!  But just as things are heartbreakingly broken, painful, ugly and evil - God is so great, joyful, loving, glorious, clean and perfect and He makes all things new - we are His!!!!  Really getting the reality of this (not just in our heads, but down in our hearts) is the important secret to always having the ability to remain thankful.  This world is full of harsh realities, but the beloved have a reality far greater. He is the reason for thankfulness in the very midst of hard circumstances. 

Thankfully, got Thanks!

Overcoming Life



Life on a Rock along the Ernie Maxwell Scenic Trail

Check it out - life on a rock. Came round a corner with my family hiking one day and there it was.  So much said right there. This little succulent planted defiantly, living life, beautifully undaunted - on a rock.  The sparsity, dryness, heat, lack of soil - none of that touched the green life and lovliness of this little gem. Seems prophetic to me.

Been having dreams the last couple of months about catestrophic world changing happenings.  Today, I happened to wake at 1:30AM and knew it was time to get up, journal and pray.  My valley/region was the topic of a dream/vision.  I'd seen a dry, Death Valley landscape with people crawling looking for water - this was looking for water in a spiritual sense.  All around this dry, hot, waterless valley were extravagant billboards that just seemed to mock the dying people amongst them.  These billboards displayed pictures of ice cold water, lemonade, tea and fruit juices in glass pitchers and glasses that looked so refreshing. Not a drop was available live to the people though. Then, I heard the words -

"Rains – rains – rains – reigns – He reigns – His reign!!  Flooding of fresh rivers in this valley coming – reviving, revitalizing, bringing life".

Thankful all Life is in Him and He is in me and I in Him too.

A BIG Piece of the Puzzle!

My mind is overflowing with amazing teaching lately!  Just when I sit to ponder, I begin to unravel it and it leads to even more "Ah HA!" amazing moments. 

It's the "Mind of Christ" - seems He is breaking it out everywhere lately in a huge way!  So, doing, doing, doing - this is the way so much of the church has been taught that they bring change to a hungry world that needs Jesus.  Actually, it's a lie - doing is not the end all be all to all in Christ.  Doing may be a wonderful by-product - but it is not actual "Life in Christ".  Life in Christ is intimate communion with Him that leads to everything in your life being lived through the lense of His eyes.  It's a mind set and lifestyle.  Those things can never be things you just do - they are what you are.

So, how does that look?  In the bible, God talks about how He will write His law upon the hearts of men and women and they will no longer teach each other to know the Lord - they shall all know Him.  This is in both Jeremiah and repeated again in Hebrews.

After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."—Jeremiah 31:33–34 

This is what is happening with those seeking to know God Himself.  They are finding Him.  He is placing His law in their inward parts, written in their hearts so that they are His people - it's an outflow of knowing Him - not having to be taught or teach. 

What an amazing time to be alive in the Earth and to KNOW God!  So thankful - praying relationship with Him just spreads and grows! Amen.

Story Writers

Are you a story writer? Oh, I don't mean someone who writes down stories for publication or even someone good at telling stories, though people who have those talents may also have this type of "story writing" going on.  Though it can be positive, this kind of "story writing" can also be a real problem that I and people like me run into all the time. While I can't speak for everyone, I'm fairly sure most people have dealt with their own "story writing" issues at some time or other.

You ever send someone an e-mail or leave a phone message and don't hear back from them for awhile and the first thought that comes to your head is, "Did I do something or say something that offended them?"  Then, more time goes by and you write up in your mind a whole scenario of how they must be angry with you or are certainly unhappy with you over something? Or, you meet up with someone, have a discussion, walk away and think, "Man, I blew that!  They must think I'm a complete idiot". And the tape of it plays over and over and over and over in your mind? Or, worse yet - you go through a humiliating situation with someone and say in your head, "Well, I'll never be able to have a good relationship with that person again". And, you write off any possibilities.  That's the kind of story writing I'm talking about, where you - with little or flimsy information - write a whole negative story out in your head and pretty much operate from it as the truth.  The stories we write may have no or some teeny shred of fact, but are typically so blown out of proportion or grossly flawed that they completely discount reality or better yet the real potential for amazingly over the top good things to happen.

I'm well acquainted with this.  All of the above and more have occupied my mind at times.  But, I'm discovering I don't have to listen to stories like these anymore or be a party to writing them in my mind.  I have new stories to write with the mind of Christ.  The new stories are much better - they are on the basis of what Jesus says.  I love His stories because they are soo good and most of all - they are true.

So now - I'm choosing, every time I hear a negative story start up, to say, "What do you say about it Jesus?".  Then, I listen for His answer.  I have scriptures that sometimes jump out, but I also hear His words at times in my mind or receive His peace like a soft blanket wrapped round me.  For instance, when I have not had a response from someone for some time and I start to hear the negative story begin - now I ask Jesus.  He says He has not given me a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  I really rest in that (seeing Jesus' smile over me) and have joy and compassion towards myself and the person.  Then the story is always full of mercy and love and believing the best.  And, it's ended up that people I thought I had lost relationship with due to difficult circumstances - when I listen to Jesus - relationship is actually not only restored, but improved to better than before!  That's just so Jesus!  He's always more than too good to be true - He is Good and He is Truth and He's writing the story of my life!  With Him in it, it's only ever the best!

Worship

Dancing with abandon - that always reminds me of worship. The word "abandon" - that's a great word to focus on when worshipping God.  That's letting go of self and giving all to Him and not caring about anything else!  Doesn't He deserve our very best?  I mean, He paid every price so that we could be one with Him.  We can't get the magnitude of it - God actually wants to be one with us!  STOP - really really sit there with that a moment.  Beyond what He did to accomplish that, that one thing is the most amazing thought I'll ever have. I can't quite wrap my brain around it - completely unfathomable.  The love He has for us - words really show their limitations here.  He won't love us better when we manage to be better.  He won't ever stop loving us even if we never decide to come to Him.  Nothing we do or do not do will ever change His love, for us.  We can't earn it, can't deserve it - but He gives it without measure because that's just the way He is. THAT is immense.  He loves completely - no ifs, ands or buts about it.  There's no catch, no con, no fine print, no strings, no holds barred. His love is absolute, total, actual, all out, assured, categorical, certain, clear, complete, decisive, definite, downright, entire, explicit, final, flat out, full, genuine, indubitable, open, out-and-out, outright, plenary, positive, straight out, thorough, throughgoing, unconstrained, unequivocal, unlimited, unmistakable, unmitigated, unqualified, unquestionable, unreserved, unrestricted, utter, whole, wide - it's authentically Him.  I just fall down and cry my eyes out about that.  I want all that back to Him - only I know I'm not there in giving it.  He knows, it never fazes Him or His love. He's bringing His beloved into loving Him with His love.  We are becoming and yet already are.  He makes us able in Him and Him in us.   Only God can properly love God.  To be honored to be in the midst,  it's just unspeakably amazing.  Worship - adoring God in and from God - that's spirit and truth.  It's so much more than dancing or singing - it's BEING - solely for Him. 

Learning that, I'll never get tired of it.

Prayer

So, yes, prayer - communicating/relationship with God - listening, talking, being with Him - a commitment, mindset, lifestyle.

Big question is always - Is there a right way to do it?

Good motives - to connect with God and align with His will and in obedience to Him. Poor motives - to look spiritual or selfish/mean intent.

At the core of it - prayer (communicating with God) is part of our relationship with Him and develops more powerfully, deeply and intimately with our frequent engagement. Good relationships don't just happen - they are developed through spending lots of time together, open, wholehearted, talking from the heart and attentive listening and doing things together and for one another, in all sorts of seasons, circumstances and moods (through thick and thin). God told us to pray without ceasing - how astounding that the almighty creator of all things wants to engage personally with us all the time (sometimes we forget the immensity of that).

We are growing up into all things in Christ and the Holy Spirit is helping us to know God better in that process. Knowing God's will and praying in line with it is how we pray effectively in power fulfilling Kingdom
purposes. We don't know God's will perfectly yet, but God tells us how we can be able to in Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Did you know we can bless God's heart?  We can!  The bible says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God".  So, that means, the only thing that pleases Him is trusting Him and coming to Him. It's interesting, when you study the word of God and then walk out the truth of it's promises in your every day circumstances (in faith) - you get to know the truth experientially and it blesses God's heart.  Last year, we treated my daughter-in-law (Ayako) to a Kayak tour of La Jolla Cove (just the girls) for her birthday.  I and my two daughters (Crystal and Taylor) met her at the cove and we set off to enjoy the tour.  The day was a bit windy and the cove was very choppy.  I took my car keys with me in a zip baggie, stuffed inside a deep jacket pocket.  Crystal and Ayako made it out past the breakers.  Taylor and I had more of a struggle.  Taylor went over once.  I went over twice and on the second time I noticed - KEYS GONE!  (My oldest daughter Crystal loves to remind me that she told me to put them in a locker). So, I'm an hour plus from my house where another set sits. My hubby is working far away (oh and we don't do cell phones).  Crystal and Ayako are in the cove in kayaks - no way to get their cars on the road to get the keys at home. Hmmm...doesn't look good. So, what do I do? Ok, nice guy from our kayak rental offers to swim out and try to find em. Very kind. Thankful for him. At that point I take one look at that huge cove and the one guy swimming and say, "Ok God - I'm your child - you know where my keys are and you can get them back to me" "You God have every means at your disposal" "Lord, when you told Peter to go catch a fish and the first one he would catch would have a coin in it's mouth to pay the taxes - Jesus, I know you can do that or something like it to get my keys to me". "I'm trusting you that you will bring them to me before it is time to leave for home today because you love me and you told me to trust you and ask you when I need help - so I'm trusting you now". Now, at that point, I did not stop looking for my keys.  And, I repeated the same words over and over. I thought perhaps God would wash my keys back into shore - so I strolled along the beach in the waves back and forth for about 10 minutes. I felt very sorry for the guy who offered to help search as there was no where to even start looking, so, I thanked him and asked him to stop and not worry about it anymore. Meanwhile, my youngest daughter, Taylor, comes back in. She'd gotten out with Ayako and Crystal, but had a terrible splitting headache come over her (she gets motion sickness fairly easily) so came back to shore. As she came in, she said to me, "Hey, mom, Ayako's got your keys". I said, "WHAT?!" She said, "Yeah, Ayako wanted me to let you know that she's got your keys and not to worry about them". I asked her how. She didn't know. I was praising God as Taylor and I walk back to the rental store and wait for Crystal and Ayako to finish their tour of the cove. When they came in, my daughter-in-law unzipped her pant leg pocket and handed me my keys, still in their flattened plastic bag. I asked her how she got them. She told me that once they had gotten way out there, the guide had them stop and was showing them some of the fish and various things under the water. Someone out there swimming came up to them and held up my keys and asked if they belonged to any of them. My daughter in law recognized my company key chain and said, "Hey those belong to my mom". Talking to God - believing Him and His promises - blessed Him and blessed me! Love to experience the power of God in circumstances.

Aslan is on the move - see Him everywhere!

Perfect in Weakness

Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Today, while I was in quiet, God reminded me that his power is made perfect in my weakness.  Sometimes I struggle with letting go.  But, I see that when I submit I walk with him in victory.  I cannot take over and have any victory at all.  He specifically shows power through my weakness.  I can do nothing in and of myself, I am wholeley and completely reliant upon God.  He's helping me to learn how glad I can be of that.  I will be resented, rejected and reviled.  I can actually be glad in that.  Those are moments to rest in the sureness of His power. 

I was not sure how walking in this season of my life would be.  It seemed very painful at first, but, I'm seeing Christ so much clearer now and seeing where He's pointing me.  That's exciting.  Looking forward to more of that.  He's so worthy and I'm thankful to grow in knowing Him here.  It's so counterintuitive to the world's thinking.  Somehow - that's what makes it even more reassuring.  So interesting - the things I think with my old mind set are always wrong.  The mind of Christ - Wow, there are no words.

Serious Joy

Did you know joy was serious?  Seems like an oxymoron.  Little grandbaby here - seriously, joy of our lives.  We are so looking forward to him.  He is very precious and much beloved already.

Having joy adds so much to our lives, but more than that, it is a discipline that must intentionally be persued. 

Nehemiah 8:10 ~ Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

This day is holy to our Lord - do not grieve for the joy of the LORD is your strength.  Relationship and intimacy with Christ can't help but have deep joy attached to it.  In Nehemiah's day, intimacy with God was not as it is today for believers.  Men and Women of his day could only ever hope for an encounter with God through someone who had the Holy Spirit upon them - though God was always present.  Today, every believer has the Holy Spirit living inside them.  In Nehemiah's day - the people had festivals, read scriptures and celebrated for days - booths away from their homes - special set aside times - this brought them the remembrance of why they could be joyful and it was an offering of a sort.  Today, every day is a day of celebration - we are a new creation living Christ from the inside out.  Our joy is complete. Trouble is, believers are not living in joy.  What happened?  Many in Christ do not understand that this is one of the things worked out with fear and trembling - living out our salvation reality. If we really understood who we are and what it means to live in Christ with Christ in us - we would be over the top THE MOST JOYFUL people on the face of the Earth.  Again, it is an offering - a decision we make.  We get to live joyfully in light of all the Christ has done and is for us.

Believers need to persue joy with intention.  It should be a discipline that takes priority, just as rest and peace are disciplines that believers live from in Christ.  In the times we are in - this is a serious matter - not just an optional consideration. 

Hebrews 12:1-3 ~ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Jesus - for the JOY set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  We get that kind of power in his joy and are seated in heavenly realms with Christ.  We will endure difficult things to give us the opportunity to exercise our joy - strengthening us. 

We have lots to be joyful about - I want to find every bit in every day.  Joy over you!

The Southern California Coastal Plastic Hippo

I am having the most wonderful opportunity of my life.  Here I am, I'm walking.  I have completely no understanding for what I'm moving into. I can't see it in my natural mind in any way that makes sense to me.  I'm assigned to walk with people who speak a completely different language  - I think we share about 8 words in common - though we each have a heart for each other.  And while I find that curious, I am committed to walk with no expectations of them whatsoever.  All I know is that I have my part, I have territory to take and establish and I get to do it with a band on the same road as me.

You see the plastic Hippo?  I love that Hippo.  It represents so much to me.  That Hippo is actually a great symbol.  My husband, daughter Crissy, and daughter in law Ayako went for a hike in La Jolla in March and we found it near the tide pools in the rocks.  You can even see the sand clinging to it.  We thought it was the funniest thing.  There amongst all the beautiful natural setting - the rocks, tide pools, sea stars, little green crabs - there is this plastic toy - a hippo on the sea shores of California. How unlikely a thing to find it there.  Plastic hippo on the sea shores of California - that's me right now.  I'm completely out of place in the natural, I have no natural relationship to my surroundings.  I'm abiding, walking, but staying right there - outside of all reason and sense.  God's bringing something here very special that can't be had in any other way, at any other place or in any other time.  I will not leave this beach until He has given all that He wants me to have and has done all that He will for His own glory through me.  I will be gracious, wholehearted and full of joy.  I will show up enthusiastically and committed.  Because I am focused on staying in the development of a deepening relationship with Jesus.

On the ground - I am am creative and will enjoy every drop of fun in the midst.  I get to. There are giants in the land.  Those giants can't stand - they must fall.  Hippos are very very dangerous - especially when provoked and underestimated (and particularly little tiny plastic ones  :D).

People

People, I marvel at the diversity God has put into people.  Whether they're introverts, extroverts, famous, obscure, flamboyant, humble, tight or loose - the variety is astounding.  I am in the midst of learning more about how to see people and what my part of interacting with them is. 

I find it very interesting that while I learn lots from people who connect with me in very real and deep ways, I also learn a whole lot from those who are very difficult for me to connect with and who I have no natural affinity for.  In the past, I would avoid people who offended, were just too problematic or who I absolutely had no values in common with.  Over time, I've seen that God has purposely put people in my path who I have no love for in my natural self and who do not flow in line with me easily.  He's done this because I must learn to live into the Christ in me loving them. This is proving the glory of God.  I can no longer back away or avoid them.  They are special and precious opportunities.  If Christ is big and overcoming and amazing (as we know He is) then He is all of those things in me - and particularly where I (in my flesh) have a propensity to take offense.  I must choose not to live in my old flesh nature and instead see with Jesus' eyes those giftings, potential and (barring the ability to see any redeeming thing whatever) love them because that's who Jesus is in me!  Even if they never change.  Even if they intend to hurt or harm me.  Even if they make things difficult for me.  Even if they remain in their sins or choose vile things.  I'm so thankful that God loves me though I'm vile and sin - I get to love the same way He does, because He's the one in me doing it.  And, it 's powerful to live this way.  It means that what people do or do not do has no bearing on my direction, intention, actions or attitude.  That means I can actually focus on positive and good things that keep me at peace - I focus on God. 

This is something that definitely takes practice.  Lucky me, I have a whole world to practice on.  Abundant are the individuals who will make my flesh crazy (it's like a little blinking neon sign - "Here - Right Here - Opportunity to Love").  But abundant then are those precious opportunities to see with right eyes.  Judgment has been taken care of at the cross.  None of us (no not one) can live in any way deserving of God's great gift to us.  He is the one who has done everything needed to take us out of sin and make us able to have relationship with Him.  Our whole life is the greatest of opportunities to display the power and truth of Christ in His people on the Earth.  That is a very great priviledge and I want to live into valuing and honoring it more.

Looking for the things Jesus sees when He looks at people, what an interesting and fantastic journey this is!

Intimacy

Finding out some interesting things about intimacy.  Did you know that if you lack intimacy you will fill the need for it with other things?  Oh, yes you will!  Human beings are made for intimacy. It can be particularly painful and harmful when people form misperceptions that keep them from appropriately engaging intimately.  It affects their ability to connect with God, other people and themselves. 

Take me, for instance, I had good parents who loved me. However, I had terrible ear infections from the time I was a baby until well into my teen years.  Part of what I discovered about how I perceived myself as a result of those ear infections is that, though my parents took very good care of me and got me medical care and tended to me - at some point during my many bouts with illness I would cry, quite a lot, seemed like hours (my ear infections were particularly painful).  And, until the meds would take effect (sometimes a couple of days) there was really nothing my parents could do to take the pain away or stop me from crying. I can imagine how hard that was for them and how, even if they never intended it, they could have become very weary, irritated and impatient. As a small child this left me with several faulty beliefs about me, some of which were - "you are too much", "you have to be perfect to be loved", "you have to take care of yourself", and "it's not OK to cry".  Those beliefs (and many others) have affected my life and interactions with others. I'm really still finding out how they have. While I have friends and love people very much - I am very limited in how trusting I am with people. I have a much harder time receiving from others than I do giving to others. Letting things go, making mistakes, being embarrassed in a public way - these have been things I've dreaded and the fear of them have kept me from doing things I really want to do. This blog - admitting things in writing in a public way would have been the last thing I ever would have done prior to some of the healing I've received.  Even with healing, I find that I still hesitate in some areas.  But, the need for intimacy does not just go away, despite fears.  I find some of the ways I compensate are to spend time on Face Book. Sometimes food becomes a way.  Rescuing work situations and being perfect (or at least trying to appear to be) were also ways I've tried to fill the need for intimacy.  Some ways I see others fill it - for men, it can be sexual addictions, for women, relationship addictions (I have some of this myself), with both men and women it can be gambling, games, and obsessions and addictions of all kinds.

So, what does proper intimacy look like?  I'm no expert and still have a lot to learn, but my perception of it is being able at all times to be myself authentically and wholeheartedly without having to control or be perfect or worry about failure, rejection or judgement.  Oh and being open to connect with others - and especially God.  We become our true self in intimacy with God.  He made us for Himself - not for ourselves.  But, we do live as though we are made for ourselves - part of "the fall" selfishness. Please do not equate intimacy with God to religion, it is not. It is relationship not a rule book. We will only be truly ourselves in knowing, loving and beholding God.  Intimacy with Him brings freedom from self centeredness and the only true happiness we can know (see my blog entry on design). 

Looking forward to growing, healing and learning more about all of that!

The Genders (another clue)

Sometimes it takes time for me to deeply understand something that happened right before my eyes. And even then, I know there's always more that happened that I didn't get!  Last night was one occasion like that.  Was lucky to have dinner with dear Papa Joe,our friend Trond and Trond's pastor friends from Norway who were attending a Saddleback event.  It took a little long for our dinner to arrive, but during that time everyone was conversing and enjoying the time together.  We had been discussing various topics when Joe told the one other lady in our party that she would make a good pastor.  She turned red and Joe asked if she'd ever thought about being a pastor. She mentioned that she was a teacher and her husband (who is a pastor and was at the table) agreed that she has gifting in that.  But, while it seemed as though she felt truly complemented and she smiled big and blushed, she also seemed too uncomfortable to seriously entertain such a thing.  At first I was uncomfortable for her as I could feel her discomfort with it.  I noted that Joe likes to see people blush.  I asked Joe what makes him turn red (he said he never does). I don't think I believe him :).  Joe was talking about a book he recently read by Lee Grady (10 Lies Men Believe) and how he was using that in a men's study.  He mentioned how some people believe it's not OK to receive teaching from a woman.  One of the pastors at the table said that while his church allows women to be pastors he didn't think it was good.  Joe asked if anyone thought it was OK to receive ministry from a woman and the pastors seemed to think this was OK. The woman mentioned an instance where she was ministering in a line for women in India where she gave them hugs.  She said all of a sudden, she noticed that Indian men were in her line (several of them) and she stopped ministry (smiling and laughing, she implied that their motives for hugs from her seemed suspect).  I like to see how people think about things like this, because I have a very different view of it.  I truly believe that yes, there are people with wrong motives for things - but that there are also many who are sincere in wanting ministry from the opposite sex because God shines and ministers through them in a way their spirit needs.  I'm still listening to Papa about it and sure enough, today, he was talking to me some more about what happened last night.

I have been talking to God about this for many years (see my blog entry in 2010). Today, God showed me another clue.  When Joe spoke to our lady guest about this, no one really disagreed with him or made a fuss, but there seemed to be a consensus attitude of discomfort with it (even from the woman herself). This didn't seem to ruffle Joe. In the woman's spirit - I could see a part of her that received Joe's words like refreshing living water. I am so thankful that Joe said that.  It was a word well spoken to her from the Lord. And it was good that Joe was bold to say it. 

I thought more about what it meant for a man specifically to tell a woman that she has value and gifting in an area culturally thought to belong predominantly to men. And to say it not caring what someone else might think, especially peers and with no other agenda than to support the truth.  I thought about all the times I could never receive those kind of words, yet a tiny part of me was always there, jumping up and down, longing to believe they may really really be true.

I believe men are fabulous (just as women are).  I love how God made male and female and how - when they are living into being who God made them - there is nothing more breathtaking on this earth! I need men to be who God has made them to be and I love supporting, celebrating and encouraging them in that. I want to see them be all that they can be because good things always happen when they are! I think back to a moment a couple of years ago - I was at a conference and we were all deep in worship and a man in front of me was worshipping in a way I had never seen before.  I literally could not ignore it and my spirit was lifted up to a whole new level of worship as well.  He was not paying attention to any one but God.  His voice was strong and clear and he sang and danced before the Lord with all his might. I felt as though I may have had a glimpse of what King David looked like worshipping God. I'll never forget that, it was the first time I believe I ever saw the power of a man in complete unabashed abandonment to God. It knocked me out.

Still looking forward to learning more about all this!

The Battle Is On!

Been in a time of fierce battle and learning.  Some of the toughest challenges I've ever had in my life have come to me within the last few months.  I would not trade one moment of it though.  Even as recent as the last few weeks me, my family and friends have been under attack (health, finances, jobs, etc...).  But one thing I've taken away in this time is that I can stand!  I am tenacious and have learned to be joyful on this battlefield.  I certainly still have my moments at times, but I am not daunted or discouraged.  My face set like flint - I am moving forward and taking ground!!

It has become an actual encouragement to my heart to see the enemy try so very hard now. He is worried and should be! He does not like ground lost, but all he has left to him are deception and distraction - so he is headed for BIG losses!!  When I'm focused and moving, he stands no chance!

For me, one of the biggest breakthroughs came recently when a situation that I've been under with a lot of stress changed almost over night.  I thought the worst, but kept plugging along putting it back into God's hands and low and behold - I not only benefited, I received favor from what looked like a completely hopeless situation!!! I actually gained BIG ground and saw the fruit of standing firm even when all looked its bleakest.  I've now seen this on so many fronts just within the last couple of weeks (money, jobs, health - praise God!). The biggest thing I've gained is a deeper trust in the Lord. I am moving in victory now and synergy.  Things that used to be lots of effort are now much easier and less tiring.  I can look at things knowing that the exact opposite can be true of what I think about any given situation.  So, my thinking about things is changing - not based on what I see, but what God says.  I love that!!  He is so faithful and knows just what it will take.

I'm looking forward to more joy in battle and seeing more strongholds fall.  They have to go - all things under the feet of Jesus.  God, make me an instrument of your Kingdom peace through joy filled battle!

LOVE - Living Optimistically Viewing Eternally

So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I'm a big believer in loving people.  I just don't believe in limiting it to one day!  Also, I have difficulty with the commercialization of love.  Being the rebel that I am - I just go out and love people every day to spite it!

So, where I think most people get into difficulty about love is when they mistake it for a feeling.  Love is not a feeling.  Our culture makes it very difficult by using the word love for a number of things (I do this too!).  We use it to describe affection, caring, romantic attachment, friendship, lust and liking.  It's really none of those things. Love is an action.  Love is a decision about our attitude - a determined lifestyle really - that we choose to believe the best about and act in accord with doing the best good for someone. Feelings may or may not attend and the person(s) we love may or may not act in ways that make them deserving of love in the world's eyes.  But true love is not based on receiving in order that it give.

The best demonstrater of love is God.  God loves because that is His nature.  He is love. He has done all that we could not (through Christ's death and resurrection) so that we can forever enjoy Him.  He loves unconditionally and His love transforms. The good news - God loves us that much.  If we are not falling down and crying with joy and gratefulness day and night at the goodness of that - then it can only be because we do not yet fully understand it in our hearts.

Lord - open our hearts to know with more fullness Your great love so that we may enjoy you more and be all that you've made us to be.  Your love is better than life.

"Do you think that I like to see wicked people die?..." ~ Ezekial 18:23

Ouch!  It really hurts to see hurting people hurt.  More on the Atheist encounters from earlier this month.   At first, when talking with Atheists I thought they were mean and nasty to anyone not in line with their beliefs, but they really are not any nicer or supportive to one another either.  It's pretty "cut throat" - the Atheist world.

I have a very deep sorrow about the people I've encountered on that blog.  Continuing to pray about them.  It's glaringly apparent what living in absolute denial of God can do.  I'm not saying that all those who claim to know God are any better.  Humans, we are just one messed up bunch.  But, there is a particular brand of dead bitterness of soul that I have never encountered before. These are deeply wounded people who don't even see how evident their hatred of God shows through their protestations of His non-existence.

I had an interesting exchange with a Muslim on the blog who was open to atheism.  He was sure that there were errors in the Bible and I mentioned that typically there was some misunderstanding that could be clarified by careful study of the original language.  He then asked me - "I remember reading a very peculiar cure for leprosy in the Bible which involved wiping the blood of doves on the leper or something like that. Do you know what I’m talking about?".  I noted a passage in Leviticus and paraphrased - "I have not seen the cure for leprosy that you describe, however, there is a ceremonial cleansing that takes place in Leviticus (Old Testament) after a person has been examined and found healed of a defiling skin disease. I believe it’s in Leviticus 14 and requires 2 birds - one to be killed and it’s blood mixed with water. The healed person is then sprinkled with the water 7 times and pronounced clean. This seems to be a way of publicly authorizing and announcing (a ceremony confirming status change) that a person previously unclean and outside the camp has been examined is clean and can now be inside the camp."

But then, God drew my attention to the passages in 2 Kings 5 about Naaman's real healing from leprosy.  I noted a paraphrased version of the passage to him in the blog - "The cure for leprosy that stands out in the Old Testament is where Naaman goes to see the prophet Elisha. Elisha sends his servant to tell Naaman to wash 7 times in the Jordan and his flesh will be restored and he will be cleansed. Naaman, interestingly enough, is very angry with this. He struggles with the fact that the prophet did not come out personally, call on God’s name and wave over the spot and cure him. Then he frets that other rivers outside of Israel are better than the Jordan to wash in and why couldn’t he be cleansed in one of those? Finally one of his servants talks to him about it - noting that if this prophet had told him to go out and do some big great thing, he would not have hesitated to do it. How much better is it that he just said to wash and be cleansed? After this,it said that Naaman went and did what the prophet said to do and his flesh was restored and became like that of a young boy."

The irony that God should have drawn my attention to that Naaman passage was not lost on me.  It so beautifully illustrated the problem.  People have a pre-conceived notion of what knowledge of and encounter with God should look like and what they will accept or not when it comes to it. Just like Naaman – humans are offended that God does not do what they believe He should in the way they think He should. They miss the point and opportunity. Naaman suspended his pride, rage and anger long enough to actually encounter the living God - and that changed everything.

Praying that those who do not know God will have their heart touched by Him and take the opportunity to know Him.  He's so amazing and worthy of all praise!!

The Papa's Girl

This week Papa has been on my mind.
My Dad had a trip to the emergency room last weekend and underwent an unexpected surgery on the neck (vertebrae) to prevent paralysis.  At the writing of this, he still has another surgery, but God has been so out ahead on everything and I am so thankful.  Just got off the phone with him and he's anxious to get back to his new puppy dog and the regular routine of home with his wife, friends and family.

Growing up, my Dad seemed like a giant of a man to me.  He was big and tall (6 ft 3) strong arms, a big deep voice and he liked to play and wrestle my brother and I on the living room floor. We had to be very quiet coming home from school every day as he was always sleeping and worked nights. You could hear him all over the house - his bass voice shaking the walls  - as he sang in the shower, "AS I WALKED OUT ON THE STREETS OF LAREDO.  AS I WALKED OUT ON LAREDO ONE DAY, I SPIED A YOUNG COWBOY ALL WRAPPED IN WHITE LINEN, WRAPPED IN WHITE LINEN AS COLD AS THE CLAY".  Some of the most fun and memorable times for me were when our Dad would take us (my brother and I) swimming at the pool or beach. He could hold his breath so long and just lay on the bottom of the pool, then he'd rush up from underneath and throw you into the air and down you'd splash!  Since we were swimmers it was always fun.  He'd give us rides on his back in the pool too (like a dolphin!).  And, when we'd go to the beach, he'd swim way out and bring us back shells, sand dollars and even a horseshoe crab once.  Some of the other favorite times with Dad were family camping.  We'd all go together with my aunt, uncle and cousins and tent camp in places like Mammoth and June Lake.  We made trips on our own or with our scout troops to Joshua Tree, the Grand Canyon, O'Neill Park, Trabuco Canyon and other parks.  We had a little green 66 Volkswagen Beetle that had a special rack on top and my Dad (who was very good at packing, rope and knots) would tie our camp kitchen (a hinged box he made to carry our dry goods, stove, pans and kitchen camp things) along with all of our camp gear surrounded by a heavy tarp. We'd find our camp, pitch our tents, set up our bags and kitchen.  We'd hike and Dad, my brother, cousins and uncle would fish.   It was some of the best times of our lives.  We'd sing around the campfire, play games and make S'more's.  I love my Dad and am thankful for a wonderful childhood with him.  My Dad didn't always make good choices, but I love him dearly, despite his failings. I learned that I have failings just like he does and though he hurt our family very deeply, I learned that I could forgive him and love him, just like my heavenly father does me!

I have another Papa too - God's so good to me!  I've been praying for this papa too as he goes about his life. For many years now I've had a spiritual Father who has taught, encouraged, modeled, facilitated and just plain been a joy to my heart. He's taught me Father God's heart of love and healing!  Pastor Joe Johnson is an amazing gift from God.  I'm so thankful I've had a chance to learn from him, be encouraged by him, and grow up in Christ along side him.  But more than anything - I just really love him for him (he's really hilarious - ask him to tell an Ole and Sven joke or put on his dreadlocks or just hear him laugh - your laugh is healing Joe!!).  His Father Heart anointing is such an outflow of who he is and the joy of Jesus just shines out of every pore. In later years, his ministry "Heart of the Father" (of course, what else!) has brought love, healing and hope to so many hurting people. God uses him to break off chains and free people.  He is also equipped to equip the body as well as heal (what a great combo that God uses so wonderfully). I always sort of can't believe that I am fortunate enough to know him, let alone be friends with him.  The longer I know him, the more I come to appreciate so many things about who he is (some he's not even aware of!). He's always learning, growing and trying new things - listening to Papa and Jesus for guidance and more than anything - he's always doing his best to be himself and enjoy God more.  I think of all things, this one thing was what made me like him so very much and want to learn from him.  I've struggled to be me and know God.  Joe has given me the freedom to be myself more and helped me walk closer to God than ever.  I've been so blessed to travel with him to Norway, Tucson, and parts of California. What a great Papa he has always been to me.  I pray for many more years of enjoying him.

Last, but certainly not least - I have an amazing Father in Heaven.  He is constantly revealing more of who He is and His heart to me and the world.  He delights in me - smiles when I spend time with Him (His smile is quite brilliant too!).  He tells me I'm His baby girl and loves to listen when I share my dreams and hopes - He encourages me and tells me I can! He provides everything I need - abundantly!!  He holds my hands as I walk.  I always want to do my very best for Him - not because I fear Him, but because He's so wonderful, I never want to disappoint Him.  I do fear His awesome power and holiness - but He shows me I'm becoming more like Jesus and He's making me able in everything He wants - to shine glory on Jesus.  He sings and dances over me.  He lifts me up and holds me close - comforting me.  He invites me into His throne room and I am his beloved child, welcome to come to Him and sit with Him snuggled up by His side.  I love being with Him and that He gave us Jesus.  He tells the most wonderful things about Jesus and I love to watch His eyes when He does.  They're so full of love - like when He looks at me.

Papas - our world so needs papas.  So thankful for ALL of mine!!

Adventures with Atheists

How do I get myself into these things?  More like - how does God get me into these things?  Fascinating, I never thought I'd be chatting back and forth with a world full of very cranky and condescending Atheists.  Not even on my radar of things I'd have the potential to do - but, BRING IT ON!!!  That's one of the many adventures God has me jumping into recently.  Clearly, I am not the person to debate with most of these "high philosophical and scientific" thinkers.  But, I am the person that God tapped to extend His heart of love and encounter to them.

It is interesting - I ran across a Wall Street Journal Blog started as a result of an essay by Ricky Gervaise (British comic, writer, filmmaker and actor - Creator of "The Office", small role in "Night at the Museum" and starring role in "Ghost Town" with Greg Kinnear). This was long before the Golden Globes debacle. I do like SOME of  (amended - not all) his humor, by the way, even though he is quite irreverent at times.  In his essay, Ricky argued against the existence of God. It caused such a huge response that WSJ set up a blog for questions to Ricky about it.  I visited this blog and read through, then began conversing in writing with several of those regularly posting about the logical reasons why God could not possibly exist.  They were putting down anyone who disagreed with them in any way.  It was a veritable sneer fest.  Just where I, "Little Miss Joy Bucket" belong!  The funniest part to me is that they think I'm a man (I used my real name). Mr. December to you bud!

God has been really teaching me something here and all the while He's also given me an opportunity to reach out to people He loves very much along with Him. He's asked me to love these people and invite them to know Him and His love for them.  They have been a really good challenge. Most have been involed with Christianity and have had some type of bad experience with it (wounding). You can see how some have become so embittered.  Broke my heart really.  Overcoming evil with good - just keeps ringing along with people knowing us by our love.  I'm impressed with God's emphasis that his body needs to really love those who, for what ever reason, never really knew Him personally or don't know Him at all and who are even violently against Him.  Moving in the opposite spirit and not approaching with logic or argument, but with Him and love.  We're going to see amazing things living out God's love to people.  So many of His beloved are just waiting to come to Him.  I'm looking forward to seeing God glorified!

God prompted me to pray for Christopher Hitchens some years ago and I've prayed about him coming to know and love God.  Who knows but that Ricky Gervais and several other atheists are on God's list of Brits that will come to know His love!

I don't know what will happen with these people, only that God asked and I'm happy to go adventuring with Him in it!  Such a world full of hurting, lost people (even ultra intellegent ones)!

Interdependency

We had these mugs when I was growing up!

Wow, amazing how interdependent our world has become in just a couple of generations of humans!  I was thinking more about that today as I sat through a talk from a chemical supplier.  He was explaining how the whole "melamine in pet food" debacle came to be (he didn't bring up the infant formula and chocolate coin candies) and how it's affected nearly every industry world wide since.  I hadn't thought about that in some time, but the bottom line is that companies world wide have been and continue going to China for all sorts of products due to cost.  Pet food, baby formula and chocolate candy coins were just a few of the products that ended up killing pets and people a few years ago.   Problem is, the quality controls in China are almost non-existent and the corruption is rampant - makes for a bad combination.  Turns out melamine is a plentiful by-product of plastics production (as well as the component used to make Melmac - that kitchy 40's and 50's plastic dinnerware - see my mugs!).  Melamine is a cheap readily available component and while it makes for cute dinnerware it's not quite so benign when eaten (wonder if eating off of it did anything?).  Apparently, a component of melamine is nitrogen - and nitrogen is tested as an indicator of protein levels.  Melamine adulteration made the products look as though they had really great protein content at a very cheap price. Manufacturers jumped at it.  Sadly, the Chinese people themselves have been victimized by their less than scrupulous countrymen, as products like this are still sold in their country.

The ramifications of this are still spreading out.  We now see many industries (especially in the U.S.) digging in with heavy regulation and safeguards now to try to prevent this type of threat to the food chain and humans.  Melamine had even been found in feed given to animals raised for humans to eat.  This quick money scheme was just one wake up call displaying world vulnerabilities.

It got me to thinking again how very interdependent we are becoming.  Our world is smaller and smaller every day.  Bad choices made in China affect many all over the world directly.  Bad choices in one EU country affect all the others.  Bad choices in the U.S. affect markets everywhere.  We are becoming that smaller community faster than we realize.  Don't blink!

However, just as bad choices now rock our entire world overnight - good choices can too!!  That's the flip side of this deal.  I want to focus on the real opportunity here.  We are so interdependent that we can now affect the world (even as individuals) more quickly and amazingly than ever before!!!  Am I the only one who sees this?  I don't think I am. And, the one thing we have as the beloved in Christ is that we are empowered for good far beyond our ability to see.  God is moving in this time through His people to bring light, hope and transformation.  I am so glad to be placed in this time.  How many saint's of old looked with longing upon this time?!  I'm not saying we won't have struggles or challenges (this dark world will war with us), but God is in us!! How can we be anything but overjoyed?  Just looking at Him, who He is, His character and awe inspiring attributes and His heart for us and this world - His glory will stand blazing as a testimony!  I am only more and more encouraged.  My attitude for this year is one of "Over the top Optimism"!!  As my friend Laura said not long ago, "I'm obnoxiously hopeful!"  I'm so with you Laura!

Take Jesus' hand and learn to trust Him surely and mightily, and you can be "Obnoxiously Hopeful" in interdependency too!

Your Assignment.....

It's a new year!  I loved 2010, and am even more hopeful for 2011!

Can you imagine - being placed specifically in a place and time for a purpose only you can accomplish.  Being given gifts that only you possess in the combination that you do and support, permission, authorization and provision to use them fully. And, it's all up to you to say yes or no to the assignment? Seems like an sci-fi action spy movie or some sort of weird version of "The Amazing Race" until you realize I'm talking about YOU and ME and what we call our seemingly mundane every day lives!  What would life look like if we lived in light of our real calling?  I invite you to think about it, but don't just stop there - act!  Yes, act - now.  Don't wait - it's really simple and, you don't only have permission - you have authorization!  If you have trouble anywhere along the line - let me know, I'm happy to encourage you in this because seriously, I need you to be who you are!  And, not just me - the world's been waiting too.

So.....

EVALUATE: what it is that you are gifted with, the place you've been put, the people you've been given to interact with and love, the work you do, your sphere of influence,  what it is specifically that you've been put here for and what needs to stop and what needs to start.

AND DON'T STOP THERE!!

ACT:  now!  Live each moment in light of your evaluation!

God loves you and made every provision for you in order that you live into who He made you fully.  Determine to accept Him and His great calling for your life and - GO FOR IT!