Intimacy

Finding out some interesting things about intimacy.  Did you know that if you lack intimacy you will fill the need for it with other things?  Oh, yes you will!  Human beings are made for intimacy. It can be particularly painful and harmful when people form misperceptions that keep them from appropriately engaging intimately.  It affects their ability to connect with God, other people and themselves. 

Take me, for instance, I had good parents who loved me. However, I had terrible ear infections from the time I was a baby until well into my teen years.  Part of what I discovered about how I perceived myself as a result of those ear infections is that, though my parents took very good care of me and got me medical care and tended to me - at some point during my many bouts with illness I would cry, quite a lot, seemed like hours (my ear infections were particularly painful).  And, until the meds would take effect (sometimes a couple of days) there was really nothing my parents could do to take the pain away or stop me from crying. I can imagine how hard that was for them and how, even if they never intended it, they could have become very weary, irritated and impatient. As a small child this left me with several faulty beliefs about me, some of which were - "you are too much", "you have to be perfect to be loved", "you have to take care of yourself", and "it's not OK to cry".  Those beliefs (and many others) have affected my life and interactions with others. I'm really still finding out how they have. While I have friends and love people very much - I am very limited in how trusting I am with people. I have a much harder time receiving from others than I do giving to others. Letting things go, making mistakes, being embarrassed in a public way - these have been things I've dreaded and the fear of them have kept me from doing things I really want to do. This blog - admitting things in writing in a public way would have been the last thing I ever would have done prior to some of the healing I've received.  Even with healing, I find that I still hesitate in some areas.  But, the need for intimacy does not just go away, despite fears.  I find some of the ways I compensate are to spend time on Face Book. Sometimes food becomes a way.  Rescuing work situations and being perfect (or at least trying to appear to be) were also ways I've tried to fill the need for intimacy.  Some ways I see others fill it - for men, it can be sexual addictions, for women, relationship addictions (I have some of this myself), with both men and women it can be gambling, games, and obsessions and addictions of all kinds.

So, what does proper intimacy look like?  I'm no expert and still have a lot to learn, but my perception of it is being able at all times to be myself authentically and wholeheartedly without having to control or be perfect or worry about failure, rejection or judgement.  Oh and being open to connect with others - and especially God.  We become our true self in intimacy with God.  He made us for Himself - not for ourselves.  But, we do live as though we are made for ourselves - part of "the fall" selfishness. Please do not equate intimacy with God to religion, it is not. It is relationship not a rule book. We will only be truly ourselves in knowing, loving and beholding God.  Intimacy with Him brings freedom from self centeredness and the only true happiness we can know (see my blog entry on design). 

Looking forward to growing, healing and learning more about all of that!