Christopher Hitchens Died

Today is the day I found out that Christopher Hitchens died.  He died December 15th from pneumonia - complications tied in with the esophageal cancer he was fighting. I found out inadvertently through reading some people's Face Book entries about his death.  I'm sure many may wonder how I could care anything about him. I have to say, I didn't expect to cry but can't seem to stop tonight. It makes me so sad and shocked to hear it. I knew he had been ill for some time, but did not expect it or that I'd take it this way.  I was just  recently talking with a friend about him. 

Papa put Christopher so heavy on my heart for many many years.  I had no illusions about his views or lifestyle. I was well acquainted with his alcoholism, the many things he's said and written about God, Mother Theresa, faith and other things over the years and his crazed "in your face" staunchly "New Atheist - or Anti Theist" stand.  Despite all that, I find something about him resonates.  Really.  There was a brilliance and passion for writing and speaking on things he believed in that were quite breathtaking. Sadly, his giftedness for persuasion was very effective in bringing many around to his views.  Though I have no agreement in any way with much of what his life stood for, I must acknowledge his superior abilities and grieve greatly the tragedy that they were so misguidedly used.  Even more tragic is the loss to Christopher of the relationship with Christ that would have brought him such deep restoration and peace.  He always struck me as a man very very angry with God.  In publicly decrying and denying Him - he flaunted his utter disdain and contempt of God - putting Him in His place in the only way seemingly left possible to him.  I had seen in Christopher a very little boy left alone in desperate straights to fend and defend and very much wondering where God was when injustice regularly ruled in the world. I think he was somehow hoping to provoke God to a throwdown.  In all these years God's impressed upon me how deeply He loves Christopher.  What God impressed upon me has really shown me so much about God and Christopher - maybe that's why his passing has touched me so much.  I have always had hopes about him in my heart.  He has a brother who knows Jesus and though they'd had some very great differences over the years, they had remained in contact and I believe were on the best terms in 50 years right before he died.  I always prayed that Papa would open his heart and bring the right persons into Christopher's path to reveal Jesus in the way he would authentically recognize and see the truth about Him. I always hoped he'd embrace Christ's love for him and lay down his monstrous devastating hurt, rage and pride.

I don't know what state Christopher died in - whether he came to Jesus or not.  But, I tell you, on that day - when all the beloved gather at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, I hope to look into the faces and find his there. Really.

Gift or Pay?

I was talking with someone today and something she said really struck me.  I asked her what she wanted for Christmas this year.  She said she really didn't want anything, she felt she didn't deserve anything.  Then she mentioned about being good.  I reminded her, Christmas is not about deserving or being good enough - Jesus came/was given to and for those who could never BE good enough (we ALL qualify for that). She didn't really want to talk about that, said she'd been pretty good this year as opposed to last year (this is her estimation of herself). Plus, this year her money's all going to school and other things, so she feels bad receiving when she can't give.  I just shake my head on the inside - how Santa's persona has been put onto God.  How, if we'll just be good enough or give enough ourselves, we'll deserve and be entitled to good things. And how when we're bad or can't afford things, we may feel sort of crummy accepting good things because we (in our pride) have not earned them ourselves and want to!  What a terrible trap to be caught in. To honestly think we can ever really be good, in and of ourselves.  To shun humility and brokenness for that ever elusive perfect state of "self being goodness" and the sham notion that it's actually doable.  This is the trap most of the world is caught in - the "Santa's Watching" trap.  He knows the tally - he knows if we've been good or bad.  Trouble is, he is us and our tally keeping is very questionable at best. We keep the tally with Pharisaic zeal, blind ineptness, and crooked self denial all in one! Jesus, thankfully, did away with the tally board.  He is the only one who could ever strictly fulfill it perfectly and pay in blood for our everlasting inability to boot! And, by simply trusting in His having done it - we have ALL that we could never deserve!  How amazing is that?!!  Now that - that is something to celebrate!! 

So,  repeat after me: "Gifts are not earned".  "Things earned we call Pay". Some people give Pay and call it a Gift - expecting something in return. This is not what God does. God truly gives gifts beyond price that He knows we cannot repay. We are never gonna be able to "earn" eternal life with God. It's beyond earning, even by devout "monk types" with God's grace. He gave life in Himself through Jesus as an extravagantly generous love filled reflection of His heart and intention toward us - we just have to receive and enjoy forever!  It's funny how many, after having professed to receiving Jesus, try to earn Him still! STOP!!  The proper response in a gift genuinely received and appreciated is enjoyment of it  - not stuffing $20 dollar bills in the giver's pocket ever so often to pay for it. It would be funny if it were not so tragic.  When we live wholeheartedly enjoying a gift sincerely given, our earnest enjoyment is all that The Giver ever really intended. We should want to learn to be really good receivers of sincerely given gifts, but then, that's a gift in itself!

I choose gift - definitely gift. Hope you do too! Love to you all!