I remember a time (I was
about 9 or 10) I loved the ocean and was out swimming in it. A giant wave came
up and knocked me over violently and sucked me under. I hadn’t taken a proper breath and it kept dragging
me down in the water, throwing me hard to the sand. It tumbled me over and over like a rag doll
in a washing machine, as I thrashed to get to the surface for air. Once I surfaced, sucking in air, another wave hit
me and got into my mouth and lungs as I was again pulled under. In those frantic moments, my family and
friends nearby - just a few hundred
yards away on the beach but not able to see that I needed help and no one in
the water with me or any way for me to even call out - I literally thought,
“This is it, I am going to die”. I knew
how to swim pretty well, but, I had not ever had a violent encounter of this
type before. I don’t know what happened
or how, but, at one point I managed to catch a break in the waves and swam in
weak, scared, coughing and exhausted, but alive. It was
a long long time before I swam in the ocean again.
After that, though the
ocean was scary to me, I still loved and was fascinated with it. Like my Dad, who loved to swim and enjoyed
the ocean, I wanted to be in the water playing in and on the waves and seeing
the living creatures up close for myself.
So, though I feared it greatly, over time I practiced and got better at
swimming, even eventually took SCUBA lessons for my PADI license my senior
year in High School. Our class trained
in our pool first and built up our strength and swimming skills, taking 4 weeks
of nothing but lap work and learning and practicing life-saving
water techniques even before we were introduced to the equipment. Then we began
working with tanks, regulators (the breathing mouth pieces), masks and fins in
the pool to get used to them. During this
time, we were given tasks to do in the gear in small groups and regularly,
during these times, our instructors prepared us that they would come through and rip our masks off and
pull out our regulators unexpectedly.
They did this purposely when we least expected them to in order to develop
a reflexive trained response in us. It may have seemed a little cruel and initially we panicked a bit, but, over time we learned to calmly retrieve
our regulators (while continuing to blow out a small stream of bubbles until our regulators were cleared and in our mouth - holding your breath is a no-no!) clear our masks and to buddy breath with other
partners while keeping track of our time down.
To get acclimated to the ocean, we put on wet suits, fins, masks and
snorkeled off the coast in the Newport Beach area.
At last, the day came
when we put all of our training together for our final. We donned our suits, weight belts and all of our gear and
jumped off the boat to SCUBA! Our dive test
was off of Catalina Island at a 25 foot depth. My partner that day started his decent and at
about 15 feet he could not clear his ears.
He had to surface and missed out on certification that day. By default the instructor became my dive partner.
I went through with him as he tested all of our class members and was the last
to go through demonstrating my proficiencies.
The first thing I
noticed about diving that deep was the massively increased pressure on my face
mask and ears (air has weight, but so does water and the further you go
underwater the more weight is exerted against your body, it’s referred to as
“atmospheres” -1 additional atmosphere for every 33 ft. of water). At the increased pressure nitrogen gets
forced in to your tissues and bloodstream – which is not of itself
harmful. However, divers must limit the
amount of time they are under to keep from too much getting into the blood and
causing Nitrogen Narcosis also known as “Rapture of the Deep” which is a disorienting
condition that can cause divers to do crazy things like pull out their
regulators and throw off air tanks.
Carelessness is a recipe for death - smart divers never dive alone. Divers must plan their dives and know how to
calculate how long they can remain at each depth or number of atmospheres and
how much air that will require. Also, the
increased pressure and nitrogen in your tissues requires care as you surface. “The
Bends” or Decompression Sickness can occur if you ascend too quickly. You cannot just shoot to the surface as your
organs can explode with the expanding gas at sudden decreasing pressures during
ascent. Some stops along ascent may be
required on very deep and long dives in order to allow the body to equalize more gradually, this takes planning to be sure you have enough air in
your tanks for not only your dive, but the time needed for ascent as well. For me, it was extremely uncomfortable
initially, but once I cleared my ears, though I still felt the great pressure,
I was better. The second thing I noticed
was how beautiful it was at that depth of water. The kelp bed with the different fish
varieties swimming in and out and all the little crabs and critters around us
and the feel of the water and ability to propel through it – I was hooked! As I became absorbed in this new world the
pressure of the additional atmosphere became less and less noticeable. And, as I went through my auto trained responses and checks - the experience became more exciting and a pleasure. I decided the initial discomfort and big
adjustment was so worth it to see and experience this world in person and up close!
Its funny how
remembering all of this is like a template over my life in recent years. I’ve been personally undergoing a major
transformative time of great pressure and challenge. It has been some years for me – starting
with my father’s death and the closure of a couple of my husband’s work places
and his on and off employment. This
year, when my husband (hit while he was walking by a co-worker driving a truck)
was rushed to emergency to undergo major surgery and many months of hospital
and home recovery at the exact same time my employer began the operational roll-out
of the merger consolidation at my work – talk about a violent WAVE! Initially, I was in shock. My only goal was to keep from being dragged
under and to get air – thrashing to travel, seeing my husband in hospital in
Orange County and maintaining my home and going through the new systems and trouble fraught
roll out tasks at my job. The powerful
undertow only got stronger as my husband came home and the full weight of his every
day care then fell on me at the same time my work’s ever increasing
difficulties due to poor and non-existent planning and un-resolved operational
problems ramped up to the havoc level. The stress
of being the sole earner and insurance carrier for the two of us paired with the
physical, mental and emotional responsibilities – WOW! I was back at the ocean in that terrible
washing machine action wave scenario all over again and it felt so similar, tossed
around helplessly and thrashing just to get up to air – family and friends were
near, but, were not able to give the help I needed. I was in shock and so drowning I could not
even call out.
God, thankfully, was
way out ahead of me and so securely and lovingly held and buoyed me throughout
all of this (in fact I had a vision long before that he would - see my post entitled "The Wave"). And while I certainly floundered
about and still have lots to learn, I am dedicated to leaning in to this. Just like
the decision to take SCUBA lessons to operate safely and learn good reflexive trained
responses to enjoy exploring the ocean, I am taking God’s Kingdom life lessons and becoming calm and
proficient when my air supply is unexpectedly ripped away (an emergency or
crazy situation, person or circumstance flares up out of the blue) I pray, read
and memorize God’s word and connect with Papa who is my supply and I can
breathe easy. When my mask is ripped
off (I can’t see people and situations or how to go) I rely fully on Jesus and
pray for His vision and hear His heart in His word - calmly guidance and
clarity come. When I want to shoot up
fast to the surface – The Holy Spirit taps me and keeps me mindful to properly
navigate, wait and shows me how to equalize with Him internally, transforming
my mind with God’s truth and realigning me.
God is showing me the delights and joys of His world at depths that are
initially very uncomfortable, but, He’s training me to safely operate
here. HE is always the most loving
incredibly powerful and reliable diving buddy. I love the special things I’m discovering and
seeing with Him at this new atmospheric weight and depth. It’s a depth of relationship with Him of
trust and intimacy I’ve never known.
There is no way to really know God without serious discomfort and major
re-alignment. We are literally oblivious
in so many ways to how out of alignment we are, but He can and is fully
committed to our SCUBA lessons (Spiritual Competency Unification Building
Atmosphere). And, we can get our PADI
(Prefer All Daddy Is) license to dive deep with HIM! Though it is difficult, dis-orienting and many
times deeply painful - He definitely makes any of the discomfort, pressure and
all I’m undergoing worth it! The joys are tenderly mixed with a depth of knowing Him that are not simple to describe - you must dive in to know for yourself!
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