Growing Up

Seems I think about growing up a lot lately (see my post on Mark Stibbe's blog in August). I never really perceived that I was still growing up after I became an adult, until some years ago.


Growing up, not just about maturing to a point of acting responsibly or in a reasoned way. Growing up, becoming your real self in Christ. Since I'm designed by God for God, I can only fully be who I am in living relationship with Him (form follows function). Everything else about who I am (how I act toward others, what I believe, what I do or don't and think every day) will evidence the quality and quantity of that relationship.


Romans 10:3
Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness.


Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.


Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.


Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.


Ezekiel 47:12
Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing."


Growing up is that process where I come more and more into line with God's truth, thoughts and heart. I think like he does, do what he does and it becomes like breathing - no longer a purposed behavioral drive to achieve perfection or struggle to remember or striving to meet a standard - just a natural outflow of right design and functional being. It's so crazy making at times because I've been so conditioned by deception (the things I think I know resulting from wrong perceptions of things that happened to me). I act out of lies. Even knowing this, I'm still silly enough at times to rely upon and act from my flawed understanding. How do I do that? Denial - how I've hated that word! How I've learned I'm still in it in many ways (things I don't know that I don't know or may still have fear of admitting). Sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't. Grace - thankful for a complete covering of God's grace in it.


It has been so good (though very painful at times) when I come to grips with this process, even in the struggles of it. Now hard things make me very hopeful - I know something really good is on the other side of a painful thing I'm enduring. I've been a prisoner to so many lies for years. Afraid I'm: worthless, condemned and alone. These lies are loosening and falling away through willingness for Jesus' touch and His relentless love pursuit.


Romans 7:21-25
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.


Romans 8:1-8
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.And so he condemned sin in sinful man,in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.


Authentic selves are not the product of a moment. They are the product of a lifetime of moments - some painfully crushing, some delightfully uplifting - all ultimately glorious in the hands and heart of our AMAZING God!


The process of submission/abandonment of self to God = Growing Up.

More About Feelings

I typically do not write in my blog more than once in a day - but today is an exception.

I wrote on Feelings in July and am prompted to write about them again today. I'm off work sick this week and while the drugs I'm taking help a little with the pain, they also make me a bit dopey - so no driving and definitely no working. Of course I'm leaving myself open to ridicule by this admission, since I'm writing in this condition - I'll leave it to the reader to decide if the drugs have in any way "skewed" my view.

This week 2 of my friends have lost beloved people in their lives. Both of them have been loathe to feel their feelings about it. One friend was struggling and seemed relieved that she had a home project that would keep her busy. She was crying and feeling so sad at the loss of a close friend. The other friend, who lost his dad, was putting a brave face of denial on it by being so up that his dad knew Jesus that he completely pushed out any room for the sorrow of losing him. I often wonder why people push down or resent their feelings. Of course, I'm one to talk, I myself have trouble with them. When someone hurts me, it's the first thing I want to do - get away from those bad feelings. But, I've found I'm not good at pushing my feelings down and ignoring them. They are just always up in my face waving about. Maybe that's a blessing. It means I just have to face them and deal with them, even when I don't like it. I'm not always good at dealing with them - but I do try now more to find out what's behind them.

I have a few friends who have sort of trained themselves from very young ages to try to sort of reject their feelings. Press them down, pretend they're not there, pretend they don't hurt. While at least one of my friends noted above acknowledged that she had these feelings - so many take this "ignore it" approach. I think they may do it because it makes them feel in control or perhaps they worry if they acknowledge feeling and examine them they will be out of control and overwhelmed. I know many who have had wounding - issues in childhood - who have grown up making vows about their feelings. And, even go as far as making vows about ever needing anything or anyone. I love these friends dearly. I know that each of them is on a walk with Jesus and He's showing them that it's safe for them to explore things with Him and to trust Him. He's so good at it. He never ever fails or tires or is discouraged. He is always confident and hopeful. I love that Jesus feels feelings - He never shys away from them. He wept at Lazarus' tomb right before He raised him from the dead. He looked at the rich young man with love. He is joyful - we share that together a lot!!

Feelings - I just think they have a particular role to play in the completeness of who we are and the depth of our experience. While they are not gods to be worshipped, nor are they the plague to be avoided. They just are - they're real and there's usually something behind them.

Thoughts on Mark Stibbe's "Working from Rest"

I read Mark Stibbe's blog this week about "Working from Rest". I enjoyed meeting Mark in person last year in Norway. He has such a Father's heart gifting. Guess that's why Father's House Trust (Mark's organization) just flows with that theme and purpose.

Looking at Mark's blog Wed, Aug 18, 2010 - It so resonated with me. I've been walking out a season in my life where I'm learning to work from rest. God's been yanking all of the things out from under me that I thought I needed in order to be - a good person, a good wife, a good worker, a good parent, a good friend, a good anything you can think of. All of my working is just so much "stuff and nonsense". Not that others haven't felt some benefit and I myself have not felt some benefit at times from it. That's been part of the deeply wicked deception. Thinking that because some good may come of it that it must be good. Ultimately, good is never the same thing as the best. Good is the enemy of best (recurring theme in my blog - see April 2010). God does not need my working away for anything at all. There is nothing I could ever do for God that He needs in any way or that would make me more lovable or worthy or valuable to Him. God needs me to be who He made me. He made me for Himself. I can't use me for myself and my goals and ever really be my best. It is hard to come to terms with giving up yourself and your wishes and the things you think will bring you most satisfaction in life. But, I'm finding that when I do (I'm always envisioning a gentle tugging of those things by Jesus and I'm holding on to them for dear life, but let them slowly slip out of my hands) Jesus has something else that He gives me that is so much better than the pathetic self things I thought I needed. At that point I'm always amazed that I had to hang on so tenaciously when what I received was so much better. I seem to learn this every time and yet can't get to the point with each new thing where I want to throw those things into Jesus' hands and not wait or hold on to them. Jesus knows and He's so patient in working with me. Grace - learning more about grace in this.

So, resting - wow, what a concept. Resting in my Lord and doing everything from that place of deep rest. I'm still learning what that looks like, but I'm seeing I need to release things. Release knowing. Release having answers. Release catching every falling thing. Release into His hands all things: tension, anxiety, fear, self preservation, need to be heard, need to be right, need to work. I love that when I do release, God is always there so big and so reliable. He's bringing me along and growing me up in this.

Resting in Jesus' finished work on the cross - trusting that His death canceled the curse of the Fall ("Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."). Living into the new life that Jesus' accomplished work has obtained for us. I love what Mark says:


Soaking in this - looking forward to living it more.

Toiling for a living and resting from work are the toxic results of the Fall. They were not the Father’s original plan for human beings.

How then are we to get back to a place of rest? The answer is through Jesus. Thanks to what Jesus did on the Cross, the effects of the Fall have been reversed. The need to earn love through performance has been nailed to the Cross. Now we don’t have to strive to earn the Father’s love through works. We simply have to put our trust in the finished work of the Cross and rest and soak in the Father’s love and amazing grace. By the Spirit of God we can experience times of refreshing from the presence of the Lord and enjoy the precious gift of rest. We can dial down every day and work from rest, knowing that he loves us, he likes us and is especially fond of us because of who we are not because of what we do. We can renounce the performance mindset and rest in our position in Christ. We can, in short, live as sons and daughters rather than orphans and slaves.

As many of us begin to embark on a summer break during the month of August we can learn once again to embrace the Sabbath spirituality of the sons and daughters of God. We can learn to enjoy the rest that comes from the perfect Father’s love. We can realign our priorities once again.

Holidays are a great opportunity to unlearn some bad habits (resting from work) and to relearn some good habits (working from rest). We were not created to wrestle but to nestle. May our Father give us the great gift of rest this summer. So let all striving cease and let the spirit of slavery leave our lives and the Spirit of sonship take its place.

Self Discovery and Disclosure

I've always known that we cut ourselves more slack than we do others. But, I ran up into MY shortcomings with this recently and it was ugly and yet what came of it was beautiful. When I admitted that I lie to myself and give me a pass while being angry and self righteous with others who lie to me - that was a hard hard thing to admit to myself and I was terribly convicted on it. But, when God told me to share it publicly with some others - whoa, I was really nervous. I said, "No, you can't want me to do this". Of course, I knew that He did. And, I did it. It was very strange. The people I thought would look at me in disgust, didn't. There is nothing more amazing than to be freed of something.

I understand that my hiding or lying is about fear. And, in others when they do it - it is also about fear. We can relate - I can be compassionate about their shortcomings because I have the same ones. I don't have to judge, but can pray for them to understand. I pray for me to understand too.

This also brought back to me that the things we hate in ourselves and have trouble giving to God for change are the same things that seem to bother us in others most.

The things God is teaching me and growing me up in - they're never easy, but always good.