My Daddy

Shoulders so strong and arms so wide

I always felt safe and loved inside

With a voice so deep and a stance so tall

Most people’d think twice before bluffing his call

He loved all kinds of swimming, he’d give rides on his back!

And when we’d go fishing he’d bring back a pack!

As his daughter I feared when my first date came knockin

Cause there was ol dad - rifle in hand - in his chair just a rockin

So deep and so loud country songs in the shower 

Why our neighbors all over knew dad’s great lung power

He enjoyed making projects, had an inventive mind

And his friends they’ll all tell you, my dad was so kind

He’d spoil dogs and hummingbirds – he was an animal lover

And his image of a tough guy – well that's mostly a cover

To protect a tender heart, both loving and giving

He overcame lots of stuff and learned about forgiving

My dad was affectionate, fun and good cheer

His humor was dry and his laugh was so dear

Oh the times that we shared and trips that we made

The laughter and memories  - not one would I trade

Though there are things that my dad did that hurt and caused pain

I can’t help but love him, forgive him and remain

His daughter through the thick and the thin of this life

Though I’m happily married - long a mother and wife

And when they ask, do you miss him, I’ll answer quite true

Yes I miss him so much – yes I miss him I do

But I know where to find him when I’m missing him so

I just look right at Jesus – he’s right here – don’t you know?

And my dad’s right here with him, so joyful and free

One found in Lord Jesus can’t be lost – don’t you see?

And one day I’ll be like him – face to face with our Lord

With God’s great adventures – we’ll never be bored!

Thanks, God, for my papa, how the years went with speed

Til we meet again, love to you daddy – from your little girl Deed

The Swirling Vortex

Ahh, the “Swirling Vortex of Despair”.  I know it well.  I’ve spent many hours of my life there.  Its gravitational pull is immense. The insidious nature of it is the underlying entitlement or justice based enticement that seems to drag you into the path of its outer edges – gradually spinning you round and round and picking up speed and velocity as it throws you relentlessly toward the center where you are pulled down under with seemingly no hope of escape!  It whispers in your ear promises of satisfaction and justification, if you just spend time indulging it, just a little! After all, you are justified! Hah! From experience, I can tell you it is never satisfying and a little never stays a little.  I have yet to ever really "feel" better indulging it.  It’s the old “bait and switch”.  Promises of satisfaction turn to a never ending hamster wheel of anger leading to self-righteousness leading to self-pity and regret, then the coup-de-grass – despair which leads to the whole thing on a never ending auto loop! It’s exhausting, depressing AND unnecessary!

I’ve had moments recently where I’m on the edge of that vortex and despite my complete understanding of it and how it REALLY is, I sometimes am tempted.  But I’ve taken measures to make sure I never get close enough to that sucking noise!!  Thanks to my dear friends and those I’ve asked to keep me accountable and let me know if I’m wandering anywhere near, I am guarded and my heart of joy is sustained!

So, add to that my new mind set!  Yeah – a new mind set completely looks the “Swirling Vortex of Despair” in the eye and says, “Ah, Ah, Ah!  SO NOT wasting precious moments of MY life on YOU anymore!”  Did you know, resentment, complaining and despair are the worship and praise of the DARK Kingdom?!  Oh, they most certainly are!  This actually became a realization for me.  I then woke up and found I don’t have to spend one moment of my life “indulging” this.  I get to choose how I’m going to show up to the moments of my life and I’m doggone choosing love, beauty, compassion, hope, joy, creativity and wonder for MY moments.  Hey, my moments here ARE LIMITED and I am no longer accepting one thing less than AMAZING for the one's I've been given!  God promised, so why would I turn away from His TRUE outrageously glorious PROMISES for empty meaningless and falsely promoted despair?! That would just be ridiculous!  Unfortunately, so many times I’ve not only accepted but embraced so much less.  Why?  Secret revealed, I thought it was going to somehow soothe and satiate my angry hurt self. Never happened.  Problem – my angry hurt self actually just became more inflamed and found new reasons to feed into the angry hurt whirlpool maelstrom!  Why do we act as though venting or just getting things off our chest will somehow make us feel better?  Stuff and Nonsense!  And, there’s that “OTHER” lie that makes me feel, initially, as though indulging love, beauty, and all the other amazing things God has for me will somehow be an impossible “Herculean” effort on my part!  Ha – that is a laugh!  Actually, just starting into the GOOD things immediately soars my spirit up so quickly and firmly to that overcoming buoyant joy – it is fantastically fool proof!  I, for one, am setting my mind on this!  I have a better answer – I GET TO go out and BE marvelously JOY FILLED in my moments INSTEAD!  Is there actually a comparison? REALLY?!  Not even a question.  Check it out and let me know what you find!