Wednesday, February 27, 2013

True Confessions of a Girl Scout


Was talking recently with one of my daughters and sharing about things not so generally known about me.   

The one thing she brought up with glee is that I've been arrested. Yep! Disgraceful, but true. Do they let Girl Scouts remain scouts with an arrest? I'm sure they don't give out badges for this.  I was booked, finger printed and mug shot!  But, you'll not find me in any police books or even their records anymore.  I was pulled over as a teen for wearing a headset radio while driving my parent's 66 Volkswagen Bug (doggone radio was out!).  Humiliating, I know.  I had never received a ticket up to that point and was the picture of a "model citizen".  I didn't really know what to do.  I did not realize that wearing headphones was illegal, but agreed quick enough that I had violated the law when the officer told me it was illegal.  I was fresh out of High School and was in the midst of preparing for college finals.  The officer seemed agitated and unhappy before he even started talking to me. I think he was having a bad day. He wrote up my ticket and asked me to sign it.  I noticed when I got ready to sign that it stated that by signing the ticket I was swearing that I would appear in court on the date written by the officer on the ticket.  I took that swearing very seriously.  The date was the same date I had final exams at college.  I told the officer that I had finals and that I could not appear that date. I was really worried about it.  He was really angry, brooked no argument and told me to get out of the car!  I was never so shocked when he put my hands behind me and cuffed me!  Then he put me in his squad car and drove me to the station.  I was completely cooperative and did everything as I was told (my eyes must have been big as saucers!!).  The policemen at the station looked at me in disbelief!  They didn't understand how I got arrested. They asked why I didn't sign the ticket - I told them about the court date and they said I could have just re-scheduled with the court for another date!  But too late at that point -  into the SLAMMER I went!  I called my (then) boyfriend (now my husband) to come bail me out.  He still smiles that impish smile when he talks about having my bail ticket tucked away for posterity.  He thinks it's quite amusing that his little "angel face" was arrested and says he wants to hold on to the ticket to show our grand kids what their Granny was really like! :)  Turns out, when I went to court (rescheduled to a different date), the judge heard the whole story and threw out the case.  He apologized for the officer's obvious bad day and told me my record would not reflect the arrest.  I've since been bonded for various jobs I've held over the years, so, I know my record has been restored. I was very thankful. Just a lesson to be thoughtful and aware of cranky officers who are having a bad day! Sheesh!



STOP! PLEASE READ THIS AMENDMENT TO THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH – ADDED 2/28/13 
  
So, I’ve been asking God to help me root out those things in me that must go.  He’s been completely faithful to tell me and answer my prayer. As a result I now must tell you the parts of this that I wanted to hide and that I specifically lied about so that I could appear less imperfect. 

I actually was told a story, by my brother, sometime well before I got this ticket that not signing a ticket may actually get it thrown out (or I believed something along those lines anyway) so while I was concerned about my finals date, – I was also pushing to see if this officer would throw out the ticket.  Also, I lied - the officer did tell me that the court could re-schedule the date for this – but he would not re-date the court date, so I refused to sign the ticket.  He was right to arrest me.  I was wrong to characterize things as though it was entirely the officer’s fault, even though he really was having a bad day before he pulled me over.  It’s obvious I made his day worse.  The fact it (the ticket and arrest) was thrown out is true and that my record is clean - but now the record is truly set straight.

I am sorry for lying and telling half-truths.  I pledge to tell the truth from now on.  God is helping me to change and I want to go His way, not mine.  I have many failings, but He assures me that He still loves me and that when I walk with Him through difficult and painful things – He surrounds me with His love, care and restoration.
It's ironic, but this is now the COMPLETELY TRUE Confession of this Girl Scout.
























The other thing she found really funny is that I used to have a terrible "Potty Mouth"!  Yes, it's very sad but true. Shameful, actually. Behavior is definitely something Scouts address in their pledge.  I wantonly chose to do that. I wonder what might have happened if they ever found out? I used to swear like a drunken sailor as a 5th grader.  I actually became quite adept at swearing as a regular way of communicating on the playground.  It was, "Bleep this" and "That bleeping bleep of a bleeper" and "How the bleep are you today?".  I can truly admit that I was BEYOND in my behavior.  And, it was not just using bad language to express anger or surprise.  I was using expletive words (and quite colorful combinations of them too) to just trail throughout regular conversation in a "matter of fact" sort of way. I think it was a phase I was going through - sort of enjoyed the shock value of it.  I really was quite the well behaved honest and helpful model of a Girl Scout in every other respect.  Hey, I still pretty much am like that. But, my bad mouth ways abruptly changed one fateful day when I nearly slipped up in front of my FATHER!  Oh so NOT gonna happen!  My parents were staunchly mid-western corporal punishment aficionados.  They had no qualms whipping the belt or paddle out and treating you to a whole new definition on your backside - pronto! - when misbehaving took place.  Punishment was swift and painful, but I would say I always felt they were fair - not abusive.  And, though my father would use strong curse words on occasion and my mom would now and then say something when taken by surprise (not quite as strong of language as dad), my brother and I did not in any way mistake their behavior as an invitation to use that language for ourselves around them.  OH NO!  We clearly knew the dividing line between what they could do and what was expected of us (make no mistake about it)!  But, for whatever reason, on the school playground (and really nowhere else) I slipped into this ugly habit.  Well, the day I came face to face with my near impending doom was when I almost casually slipped out a prime curse word in mid-sentence right in front of my Dad!  I caught myself before it flew out, but that near slip was enough to scare the P-Doodle out of me!!  Whew! Fear of God and gratefulness for not getting caught all came flying out of nowhere that day!! I knew I had dodged a bullet and I was hasty in repenting about it too (though it's no real credit to me, repenting when nearly caught!).  I wasted no time in determining never to use that language again and I not only never used it again on the playground I did not use it anywhere at any time.  I turned over a new leaf, speedy quick!  Now, I wish I could say that I have never ever since used bad language.  As a younger adult and at prime moments of insanity - I can say I have used words, on occasion, very unnecessary and very unbecoming.  But, thankfully, truthfully, it is now a thing of my past. I do not find it's even part of my thoughts anymore, even when cut off on the freeway!  Funny how things can change.  Funny how when you are motivated and put your mind to it they change MIGHTY FAST!

Good to share things about human nature and the silly things we do.  And, good to be authentic and real about real things.  I enjoyed the time with my daughter, we had a good time laughing and pondering why we do some things.  They say confession is good for the soul.  It is well with my Girl Scout soul.  :)

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Letter


Beloved,
Maybe you know me.  Maybe you don’t.  I have always known and loved you.  Long before you were born, I knew what every one of your days would hold.  I crafted in my heart your design and my vision for who you would be, putting part of me into you.  I reveled in the role you would play in the world and eternity.  When you were conceived I rejoiced that you had stepped into time.  I formed and shaped you with great care in your mother’s womb. When you were born, my excitement and love overflowed!  I smiled and danced to your long anticipated life in the world!

When you were a baby, I walked with you as you developed and grew, wonder and discovery in every moment.  I cared for you and protected you, delighting in your “ah –ha” moments and holding you through your tears (catching every one). 

I saw your attempts over the years to venture out and try new things.  I sang over you with joy when you manifested the beauty and creativity I placed in you and stayed close by your side grieving, as you did, moments of deep pain, hurt and injustice when you withdrew, feeling un-seen and un-valued.

You are priceless to me.   No one else is committed to you in the way that I am.  My love and care for you is life-giving and transformational.  When you give yourself wholeheartedly to me, I bring you into line with your glorious original calling and design.  You are one-of-a -kind, there is no other like you.  No other person will ever replace you in my affections and only I can appreciate every detail of who you are.   My heart is always for you and I am jealous for you to be who I’ve made you to be.  You will be restless and unsatisfied being anything else!  Your own vision of you will never match the astonishing true potential you are in me.  Your very design requires relationship with me, though I will never force that.  That doesn’t mean I am not relentless in pursuing you, but, I invite you because I want you to come from a real heart commitment on your part.

Come to me.  When you understand and see my heart for you it will not be difficult.  Give yourself to me, and we will begin a wonderful relationship and the process of washing away any hurts, worries or troubles.  My powerful love, peace, joy and provision overcome every deficit and need. You will shine with the brilliance I designed in you!  You don’t have to “get better” to come – I love you just as you are, right where you are.  Come – just come.  Don’t wait!  See me here – turn around!  I’m waiting with arms open, for you!  See my eyes of love over you.  I’ve been longing to show you amazing things.  I will bring you such life and wholeness!  You cannot do it on your own and were never designed to.

I’m standing here right now looking to see what you will do with this letter.  I’m knocking on the door to your heart – open to me!!  Open and I will come in and dine with you.  I will make my home in your heart and you will never regret it.  Make my joy complete and your own as well!

I love you,
God (The Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit)

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