SHINE!

I have to tell on myself. I recently got a pretty devastating and much deserved spanking. Yes, I’m guilty and it’s sad and true. It wasn’t the first time Papa had highlighted this issue to me (he’s so patient). I had been very aware and even working on trying somehow to stop, but, had still continued on. Oh, it was a very hard thing and I cried quite a lot (I have permission to cry, but don’t typically spend long periods of time doing it). But, in the pain and difficulty of it, God's deep love, care, gentle kindness and encouragement to me were what overwhelmed me in the midst. I cried out to him and sat with him a long long time. He was with me and did not ever leave me.

I have had a terrible habit develop in the last 2 years of some days being late to work. It's not my only problem, but, yeah, it’s one of my more ridiculously silly ones. It was not something I had a problem with in the past, but has become very routine as time has gone on.  A couple of days a week I arrived late by 3 to 5 minutes and some days also returning from lunch. Some days I was even 10 minutes late. I don't take breaks, so, I'd sort of justified continuing it (the company is losing no time, so, it’s not really a big deal). And, some days I'm actually early, but, the being late days I let them continue.  I’ve actually talked with myself about it many times.  I know it's wrong.  I don't like it.  I’ve let my boss know that I have no excuse for it and want to stop. It seems no matter how I’ve struggled I could not make myself be better in this. I don't want to do it and yet, somehow, I still had allowed it.  I believe it developed in me as a bad response to the negativity in my office that has escalated, sort of my way of thumbing my nose at it.  Papa showed me this and explained how it's the wrong way to handle the negativity.  And He showed me that I cannot continue it.  He's been long-suffering with me about it, but, He loves me too much to let me continue to sabotage myself and things around me. He’s such a great Dad.

You may ask, “Minutes late, in the scheme of things how big a deal is that?” Yeah, for a long time I said that to me.  Turns out much bigger things are at stake than you or I think! Things outside of a seemingly insignificant few minutes late.  So, why is it such a big deal? A friend of mine, Mark Dahle, gave a great and insightful talk that helped me to see a lot about this “God Wants the Best for You” some weeks ago. If you want to check it out you can @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZwCw6xDxAQ.  What was made clear to me in my spanking is that my seemingly insignificant choice to engage in being late affects things exponentially in a BIG way. First, it affects ME. My character is being aligned with God’s more and more. I am being refined. Old dead habits must go. I must go His way. Allowing thing's I'm aware of can have a tendency to allow more things. I'm on a mountain, climbing, anchoring with ropes. The higher I go, the more dangerous it is, the thinner the atmosphere and more treacherous the conditions. This terrain brooks no carelessness, it's deadly.  If I do not get rid of the flesh habits (even silly ones) now, I could fall off this mountain entirely or slip and take a terrible set back. I was so blind to this in some ways. God’s grace will always cover me and especially when I fail. However, I have an opportunity here to partner with God and take seriously what He is highlighting for good.

Greater still, is the effect on those in my sphere of influence.  Those roped together with me on this mountain. When I do not handle the "jettison" work of the old dead flesh habits hanging on me, I risk the safety of those around me and tied to me. I hate the thought that I cause them risk, even more than how it would affect me. When I engage in wrong – it gives others permission and encouragement to do wrong (even when they don't necessarily see it - that's scary). This is true of any wrong – wrong attitudes and actions. It affects the atmosphere by multiplying it. Mark’s talk goes into this really well. I have the great joy here; instead, of putting on the new and letting the radiant SHINE safely anchor those around me to goodness incarnate! What an amazing truth! Right and good through me multiplies in my sphere/atmosphere and brings safety and restoration. I have known this in so many big ways and yet, little things are significant. This was shown to me in small things. God uses very small things quite astonishingly. I cannot disregard it and I won't. 

Matthew 5:14-16

^14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

Most importantly – and this actually hit me the hardest and broke my heart. The thought of, in any way, misrepresenting Jesus to others - it’s crushing how that hurts me. My carelessness about His reputation in the world, it makes me cry all over again. I wish I could convey how much seeing this affects me. I never want anyone to walk away from an experience with me or seeing a behavior I exhibit that makes them believe something untrue or skewed about Jesus. I am a child of God, an ambassador of Christ, a Kingdom citizen. I don’t hide it from people. I exemplify who God is and what family life is like to a world that has no idea. When I thoughtlessly allow myself to indulge in things I know are wrong, it’s like making God evil in the eyes of those looking on. That is never ever who He is. Instead I GET TO SHINE the truth of who He is and the goodness of His Kingdom life - making it real in this world. That honor wrecks me. To be chosen to represent Him.  I always know He is getting the short end of the stick in this deal because I seem to mess up at every turn.  But, He is so amazingly loving and kind – tenderhearted in His grace, to me. He always assures me that He knew exactly what He was getting in this deal and He has never regretted it.  He always looks at me and holds me up as a joy worth having, through everything - suffering and dying and walking with in and through transforming all things.  And, He makes failure fail-proof! He makes me to be who HE envisioned when He crafted me in His heart, long before I existed.  He’s taken my ruinous wrecked life and given me His perfect one instead. I’m more than awe struck by it. I’ll never get over it.

I was really smarting and exhausted, but at the same time so thankful - really grateful!  I'm sensing a heart change that has me actually really excited. Don't know if that makes sense. But, I am now up for what The Holy Spirit wants to do instead! The goodness of God leads to repentance. So, we begin! I'm thrilled to see what taking God’s hand here will unfold! Feels like being on the verge of the immense. I can see the ripples in the atmosphere – light shining into darkness!