Amazing Brains

Abby Normal?  

I am continually fascinated by people's brains.  I know it sounds a little strange, but I am always discovering how very little I really know, seemingly, by accidental stumbling over something in someone else's brain.  It's always quite interesting, sometimes puzzling or disturbing, and many times a journey of adventure and discovery.  

People and their amazing Brains - some struggle with many things, yet are quite talented and creative people. Some are loving, others productive. Some are depressed, others are wrecked and in horrible straights.  In every single one I see something so amazing.  I can't tell you how I see it, it's just there like a light.

I went to a training tonight that was a reminder to me again how people, me included, may not recognize things that happened to them as potentially hindering them in the way they respond and deal with things now.  People don't often realize that their ability to cope with things when they were young and possibly underwent difficulties may never have developed properly due to many potential factors.  They run into behaviors that they do repeatedly and wonder why, why, why they can't get free of them or just stop them altogether.  Development for them stopped at a point when they were young and has not gone further.  Typically it's just normal for them, so they don't even recognize it. They keep trying to do the good and right thing, but always fail at some point. Their way of dealing with life is to eat, drink, take drugs or do any other number of repetitive behaviors in order to cope.  They've never developed the ability to cope when young and life can be very overwhelming.  The cool thing is that it's never too late to continue to develop and grow!!  Wow, I see that and experience it myself in Celebrate Recovery (I've started a Food Issues group).

For a long time, food was my very best calming and escape friend.  I could rely that food would soothe, comfort, engage, excite or satisfy me.  Trouble was, the evidence of my "constant escapes" was mounting up all over my body and taking a toll on my health.  This year, God finally got my attention.  And, He was so sneaky about it.  I wasn't really looking for a program specifically, but He put me in one and He worked out every detail so that I could get the kind of "brain adjustment" I needed.  I am continuing to see "healthy lifestyle" vs. "weight loss" develop as a new mind set.

There is one thing I find disturbing. I've noticed that as I lose weight (which is no longer my main focus or even really something I daily pay much attention to) my friends are very vocal to me about my looks.  While it is nice to be given complements, it's also very problematic and uncomfortable.  I'm uncovering something I've run into about me before when I lost weight.  Weight was a very fine thing to hide and wrap myself in for protection. When I'm losing it, it makes me feel very vulnerable and self conscious, especially when people (even women) take note of it. And, it is a double edged sword.  I enjoy looking nice, I don't want to be unattractive - but I also struggle with attention - wanting it, but then not.  Does that seem weird?  It does to me. So, I get to unravel this brain in looking at where this comes from and what Jesus has to say about it.  

I, like many girls, grew up with a lot of unwanted attention because I developed pretty early.  If you can imagine wanting to have attention from boys and then finding that the attention they wanted to give was purely from an overactive attraction to your body and no real interest in you as an actual PERSON, well, for someone like me (sporty, nerdy sort of girl with a real brain and soul) that was torture, very hurtful. Sadly, I knew some girls who were talked about constantly as having horrible reputations all because of their body - no basis in any facts about them at all.  And, they never really dressed provocatively - it's just that they could not really hide their body shape no matter what they wore.  Sheesh!  What a rip off!  To have a very curvy body with a brain that actually thinks thoughts. I had a social studies teacher in High School that never once looked me in the eyes the whole time I was his student.  And, I had an adult man at the high school take advantage of his authority to touch me inappropriately.  People wonder about Norma Jean, but I don't. My keen ability with the snappy retorts and derogatory sense of humor became my protection of choice in High School.  Later, as I wanted to shed that mean spirited attitude, weight became my new protector.  I think there was an overlapping period of time where both were in place - not pretty.  Thanking God that both are now becoming part of my past.

So, taking a walk to see where the lies are and the truth that Christ has for me there instead.  An interesting walk, through an interesting brain - this time my own.  But, with the mind of Christ it is always revealing and full of His love and compassion!  So thankful for that.