Can You See?

Recap of Our Situation as of May 30, 2020

Communist China has a lab in Wuhan that somehow releases a virus sometime late 2019

This same Wuhan lab - funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and Dr. Anthony Fauci’s National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease funded a study specifically on Bat Coronavirus , which was a project that included scientists at the Wuhan Institute of Virology (that the State Department had reported was unsafe and they found were developing bat coronaviruses with potential for human transmission were a risk for possible sars like pandemic) – even though it was prohibited by the Obama administration to give money to any lab working with these viruses. Why would US based citizens fund work illegally and with a lab that was found unsafe and developing coronaviruses that could be transmitted to humans run by Communist China? Why would our government, after prohibiting work with these labs – continue to allow funding?

Communist China tells no one about the outbreak of the virus, silence doctors who raise alarm about it, use WHO to lie about the nature of it and prevent anyone from Wuhan from travel in China, but send people from there all over the world. Why would a country do such a thing? What could they gain?

Harvard Professor in the Chemistry and Chemical Biology Department arrested for lying about scientific collaboration for money with China while under contract with US NIH and DOD – found working with Wuhan University of Technology. Two Chinese nationals arrested, one posing fraudulently as a student and found to be an officer in Communist China military and working for the Communist China National University of Defense Technology in conducting research, assessing U.S. military websites and sending U.S. documents and information to China. The other arrested at the Boston airport trying to smuggle 21 vials of biological research material from a lab at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston to take to China.

UK Virus specialist gives outrageous death models that are completely false that other health officials use to close the nations. US health officials promote a 14 day lock down – just to flatten the curve so our healthcare systems will not be overwhelmed all at once.

14 days – the curve is flattened over most of the US – though New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, California and other states decide to order COVID 19 positive patients into nursing homes (which were known to have the most vulnerable to the virus) and some areas surge as a result in those states. NY had Navy hospital ship and Javits Center to use that were closed up due to too few patients and forced these people into nursing homes that cannot isolate them and huge numbers of deaths occur as a result – which they then point to as reason to not open. What are these people gaining? What is the real reason to kill people, keep people fearful and locked down, businesses lost, increased suicide, increased addiction, hunger, families failing?

Hydroxychloroquin (a safe FDA approved drug, used for over 40 years) used together with zinc and z-pak found by “on the ground treating doctors” all over the world to work for their patients when used early enough with this virus as both prophylactic (fend off the virus) and treatment early in infection. The drug is downplayed, maligned as dangerous and use of it is quashed by media and health care officials who say they are scientific, but have no interest in being scientific about this drug in particular. Doctors are being monitored who prescribe it, drug stores are refusing to fill prescriptions unless the doctor shares private patient info. Doctors who prescribe it for patients are being threatened by the state medical licensing. Why would anyone want to leave people with no treatment vs. some treatment in a death situation? What is the motive?

Governors in many states make a power grab to institute a police state and further extend the shut down time- talking about not opening again until a vaccine is in place. Designating arbitrarily (outside the constitutional mandates) what is and is not essential – pot dispensaries, liquor stores, casinos – open, church – closed. People cannot feed their families, food banks getting cleared out, businesses are failing closing up to never return all based on arbitrary silly rules with no scientific basis. Arresting people and putting them in jail for trying to feed their families while releasing rapists, sex offenders onto the streets, touting the virus as the reason. Put mostly law abiding productive citizens who are trying to care for their family in jail and release known dangerous criminals – why would authorities do that? Why would governors override their own state legislatures to institute illegal measures? Why tout science only to practice the most unscientific things? Is this about safety or control?

Then, we have a black man killed on video by police, no apparent concern to conceal it or worry that it is horrific - though the officers see the person filming. The story about the arrest of this man is shaky – first they say a check then it’s a phony $20 bill. The officers are not arrested or held in any way. It takes time for anyone to decide to arrest the one officer The other officers are not arrested. Isn’t there something odd about all of this and the timing of it? What would be gained by enraging and inciting people to riot with hate and mistrust toward all police? Who benefits from this?

People in Minneapolis take to the streets to protest. Then rioting begins - looting and burning neighborhood businesses and the police station. Police will not stop them. The media condones the destruction. Many people involved in the rioting are found to be from outside the area. This continues in a concerted way through many cities over days, all over the country. Organizations that want instability and send people to create havoc, violence and destruction have hired people and are involved. Local citizens both black and white take up guns to try to protect businesses and people. We see near unanimous outcry against this killing by most all people. Why do you think people would want to infiltrate protesters to portray them as mob rioting anarchists and whip the hate further between people? Who benefits from this? What is happening that people ignore while all of this is happening?

Hong Kong is suddenly slapped with a new security law curtailing their freedoms by Communist China – who reneged on the 1997 UK/China agreement for their autonomy. Arrests, martial law in Hong Kong continue.

Further clamp down came on free speech, by social media who were licensed as platforms for commentary from others, but became publishers through the actions of editorializing (censoring) attaching notes to and removing people’s posts that they do not agree with. Why would platforms portraying themselves as just a vehicle for others to comment make themselves the arbiters and purveyors of truth?

Is anyone awake out there? Can anyone see real manipulation of us for evil purposes – infiltration for potential overthrow? Can anyone see that there can be bad actors that do illegal things, play on public fears and push buttons and engage in violence to cause further fear and de-stabilization of our country?

Through all of this, some people are still asleep, blindfolded, though many are waking up - clearing the wrapping from their eyes – asking questions, thinking, standing up, and speaking up.

People who rely on God are looking to Him, listening to Him. They are walking out His love, His life, His truth, uncovering and breaking enemy plans and strongholds, drawing people to Jesus in a hurting and deceived world.

Misdirection

Almost no one is talking about this (see the link below to watch Eric Metaxis' full interview of Sidney Powell - attorney for General Michael Flynn), but, our nation is being hi-jacked, sold out and transformed into a machine of elites empowered and protected by an enforcement arm of terrorist prosecutors that make real their agenda by any means, with impunity! It is shocking and horrific!! Intentional misconduct and intentional targeting - hit jobs - lying about and withholding the truth and mischaracterization of people and situations for a specific agenda - not justice! Forcing people by coercion and torture into agreeing to plead guilty! It's terrorism in our own government against the people's will! And every day people, citizens, are being misdirected - distracted by so much hyper-focus on hate and whipping up anger. People - wake up! You are being duped - sold out! These Prosecutorial thugs are protected in the commission of their unethical practices, withheld evidence, torture and illegal actions - anyone else would be thrown in jail, has been thrown in jail for this! They are doing this every day, while your rights are being removed, ignored and taken from you without you even realizing! Do not be fooled – the same can happen to you!!

And where is our free press, the ones who actually research things and hold accountable the powerful?  They are accessories to this debacle. They are owned by the same bad actors in this mess. They don't report anymore - they are a propaganda machine for damage control and telling people what to think.

With Trump, as much as you may not like him, I'm not a fan of his ways, thank God he has the temperament and skills to take on these snakes! In looking at this debacle of our justice system, I believe God is using Trump to block the complete overturn of our government and bring awareness of this evil corruption. Do you see it? You may not like Trump, but the alternative is the complete loss of our nation and it's freedoms. He is not the one who put these people in place and fostered and protected these practices that are escalating! He is one of the few taking on this monster and putting a stop to it (no wonder they wanted to impeach from before he took office)! Supporting him - it's really supporting us, The United States of America! As much as you dislike his conduct I urge you, for our nation, to protect and support him, but, don't take my word for it - view and read for yourself what is going on and then decide!

It is good that all this is being revealed (nasty as it is) - it give us, the people, a chance to stand up against this tyranny.  We've been sleeping - time to wake up and stand up! Praying God's help, protection and blessing over our nation.

Here is the link to Eric's interview of Sidney:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3THtcukktug


And here is a link to one of the articles Sidney refers to by Jed S. Rakoff in the
interview: https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2014/11/20/why-innocent-people-plead-guilty/

Hating

It makes me sad when people buy in to a political party’s speak on issues to such a degree that they become hateful at their opponents and the point becomes not helping a situation or people group, but demonizing and demolishing anyone seen as an opponent at any cost – which turns out to be completely at odds with exactly the values they’re trying to promote. Compassion for immigrants, widows, orphans, unborn children, women, men, and disenfranchised people of all kinds is a noble and a worthy value to uphold.

How can anyone say, men are more important than women? Or, women are more important than men? Where in the world would it be right to say immigrants are more important than children? Or poor are more important than rich? Rich are more important than poor? In what universe could it ever be right to put one group of people over another? Can you ever equalize a person or people group by trashing another person or people group? Is that truly effective? In the course of trying to equalize people, we have denigrated and marginalized people – how is that working? It’s not. As long as it’s okay to hate and tear down and demonize, dehumanize others – these problems will continue. Until we see the value in every person, even and especially those we do not agree with – these many problems will continue. I’m praying for eyes to open – for people to let go of their party affiliation and to embrace compassion for people, especially people they have trouble embracing – people they don’t like!

For the record,

Men, all men, are beloved of God, precious, important – they matter and are not disposable, not people to despise, hate, use, denigrate or treat as non-humans, not to be treated as chattel, property, objects, to subjugate, look down on or prevent from becoming all God made them to be

Women, all women, are beloved of God, precious, important - they matter, are not disposable, not people to despise, hate, use, denigrate or treat as non-humans. They are not to be viewed as persons to subjugate, look down on or prevent from becoming all God made them to be

Babies and children, all of them, in the womb or out of it, are beloved of God, precious gifts of God, important – they matter and are not disposable, not people to despise, hate, use, denigrate or treat as non-humans, not to be treated as chattel, property, objects, to subjugate, look down on or prevent from becoming all God made them to be

Just my 2 cents, for what that's worth today.

Leaving Facebook for Good?

“Leaving Facebook for good?  Don’t you think that’s a little over the top?  Aren’t you jumping too fast?  You could just make sure your security and app settings are adjusted to keep your information safe.”  Right?  Isn’t that what most people would think – and, some of my friends have actually said this to me as I'm pondering shutting it down.  Yes, I would have agreed with them a few weeks ago, though, I’ve had sneaking suspicions about FB and all of the other online sites and tools we use to communicate and navigate our lives with now.  And I've had real misgivings about how thoughtlessly we share personal data with them.  I had known that nothing free is really free – but, I did not fully understand how the cyber world truly works -  the shady nuances of responsibility on the internet and the real possible ramifications of my ignorance.  The savvy businesses and individuals who are taking advantage of all of those things are banking BIG cash money every day hoping that we happy ignorant users will never find out or perhaps, that by the time we do we’ll be too entrenched and attached to our comforts to want to let them go, despite the malevolent entities who manipulate us with them.

So, with Cambridge Analytica’s scandal recently (if you want to know more here is a short article that explains it well:    https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/03/the-cambridge-analytica-scandal-in-three-paragraphs/556046/) I really had a prompting to consider things more deeply.   You see, I am not really fearful that my data is out there (I know it’s all been pretty much out there somewhere long before FB arrived on the scene).  However, initially, I believed there were honorable people legally safeguarding my data.  I am now very concerned about what happens to me as a result of my data being out there and how people are able to utilize it with impunity in ways I utterly disagree with and may have no awareness about.  The idea that I could be targeted with specific information and possibly prevented from seeing other information without any awareness, that is where I have to look at what part I play in knowingly or un-knowingly partnering with this.  I have always been very careful about not using any apps (I don’t take quizzes or play games or other online things that require permission that grants access to my information) or allowing apps access to my information in FB. All of my security settings are very carefully set and reviewed every few months along with my passwords.  I take things like that seriously.  But, when I read in the article how the person developing this app for Facebook was able to access data about not only those users who agreed to grant access for use of his app but also their friends and that the app then saved that information into a private database instead of immediately deleting it, that is where I began to see the very bad possibilities.  All my careful settings and making sure not to use apps - out the window!  Being friends with even one person who did use apps for games or quizzes – BAM, I have apparently given permission to access and use my data with no permission on my part actually being given.  REALLY?!  I didn’t agree, but have no choice? Facebook, how is that NOT A BREACH! WOW!  The fact that Facebook itself did not know that this developer had put in place a private database until a year after it had been in use - that is plain carelessness.  Where were Facebook’s safeguards about this type of development?  Where, subsequently, was the lawsuit against this developer on behalf of FB users who did not give permissions?  And where was the care in retrieving that data and taking precautions with all other app developers?  Facebook is in no way naïve about the possible misuses of people's data and information.  It is their duty to protect their subscribers from these types infringements.  And, that no one really knows how many other app developers for FB did this same thing (seems many people may have less than scrupulous ways and means in this industry) – that’s where I have to wake up and smell the coffee.  And, because all of the legalities of this are still in question – wow, just wow.   Is the horse already out of the gate – yes, and it can never be put back in again.  I can likely never really recover my data from all the places it’s gone to and who knows where it is and how it’s being used and re-used!  But, I can stop further sharing of any new data and limit my exposure to the influence of these platforms and where and how I decide to share my information to others.  And, I can help my friends and family to understand, be aware and make, hopefully, more informed choices about it for themselves.

Initially, I started a FB page to keep up with family and friends located far from me.  It was an easy way to contact, interact as little or as much as I liked, see activity with my family and post activity to my family and friends.  In more recent years it had become a communication tool for even those who live close by and an encouragement tool.  I’d felt the prompt to share more of God’s word, His heart, encouragement to people, care, compassion, tools that help and information that was positive and useful and it facilitated more personalized interaction with many people quickly with ease.   It’s more and more clear how FB has been used to do some amazingly good things and facilitate information getting to people for help in ways that would have been much more difficult in the past.  The question I ask is, at what cost?  I did not sign up for the personal cost exacted.  And, I’m not sure how many people really realize what they are signed up for or, in actuality, where it may eventually lead.

Despite the precautions I take when using FB, there is no denying the addictive nature of it.  If I allowed it – I could easily spend whole days on it with no real sense of time ticking by or care that it had.  There’s only one other thing I’d had that kind of experience with and it was electronic games – when I could lose a 5 hour block of time and not even know where it went playing GameBoy.  I learned how insidious these sorts of things can be.  I put games down so fast and never went back, I still don’t pick them up today because of that experience.  And, I don’t own a cell phone also partly due to that type of reach.   I enjoy reading and interacting with people, but, the type of interaction FB affords is not to be confused with “in person” relationship.  It is no substitute – though it can lull you into thinking you are having a real relationship with your friends and family.  And, with these new revelations I am quickened to realize that I may not have the authority over my intentional sharing that I think I do and that I may be the target of some very smart folks with little to no conscience or constraint that wish to shape and persuade me in ways I’m not even aware!  It’s not too far a leap to see why eliminating my FB page would be a very wise decision.

I have had a real prompting to pray about inactivating my FB page permanently.  As I’ve been praying about it a sense of some important things have come to me about it.  Inactivating FB would definitely make it harder to touch base and interact easily with people I love dearly and have influence in positive ways I would not easily have without it.  I would not have the ease of access to a lot of information that I really appreciate personally and pass on to others.  I would find a huge connecting piece of my life gone.  But, then it came to me, maybe there is a better way and maybe I’m actually missing more than I’m gaining by not exploring it.  Maybe there is something else I’m supposed to be doing that actually makes deep and real connections more effectively.  Facebook does not offer opportunity for some irreplaceable real things.  It’s an imposter – a counterfeit that has had some truly beautiful benefits, but, more darkly hidden real risks.  And, we’re now being made to think that imposters with risks are the only sensible way to really navigate our busy, busy big world. In this push, push, push where we’re ever pressed to do more and more and where we connect in real ways less and less, we are being literally starved and more isolated by our own misled strivings to deeply connect through these vehicles – it makes my heart sick.

I read a quote that is attributed to Mark Zuckerberg – it says, “Our philosophy is that we care about people first”.  With what has come to light this month, Mark, if you really did say that you need to take a long hard look at whether FB's actions have really lined up with that philosophy.  Or, maybe we just need a clearer definition, "Which people?"

Whose Thoughts?

I was praying with someone recently and invited them to sit silently and receive what Jesus had for them. A few minutes later, as I always do, I asked them if they had any impressions or what came to them.  The person I was praying with said, “I didn’t have anything”.  I said, “That’s okay, sometimes people don’t get any particular thing”.  At that point, the person said, “But, I did have a thought come to me.”  It was very interesting, because the actual thought the person shared was basically a reminder of something shared in scripture.  It was, in essence, a thought from Jesus.  The person did not initially connect that this thought coming to them in a time they were waiting for something from Jesus could actually possibly be from Jesus at all. When I pointed out to them that God knows them very well and understands their personal make-up even better than they do and would know exactly how to connect with them in a way that makes sense to them, the person actually connected the dots.  It was an, “AH HA!” moment.  They noted how they’d had thoughts come to them at times and never equated that it could be God speaking to them.

People ask me all the time, “How do you know when you are maybe hearing something God is saying to you in a thought and how do you know if it’s not just your own thoughts?”  It’s a good question and worthy of asking.  I’ve touched on it previously, but, discerning between your thoughts, God’s thoughts and the enemy’s thoughts is usually pretty straight forward, though there can be lots of mixing.  Human thoughts can be fairly self focused – typically.  We are focused on our immediate needs a lot of the time – or whatever task or decision is at hand.  These are sort of everyday, automatic type thoughts – I’m hungry – what sounds good,  She’s cute – wowee,  I need to get gas in the car, need to call mom today, that deadline for my report is Tuesday…and so on.  Whereas God thoughts and/or enemy thoughts are a little different – I’m not saying we can’t have thoughts ourselves that are thoughts God has had or thoughts the enemy has had,  I’m just saying it is a moot point that we worry about whether those thoughts are our thoughts or not.  We ultimately did not have those specific thoughts first – is the point I’m making.  They are not original to us.  They originate in God or the enemy.   We just get to line up with one or the other in our mind.  I’m not saying the enemy controls us or God controls us – but, I am saying we can knowingly or unknowingly align/submit ourselves at any given time with the thoughts of either of them.   That is part of what “taking every thought captive to Christ Jesus” is about, awareness.  We have to notice -  have some notion of where a prompt is coming from.  And this awareness comes by our spirit.  Our spirit connects with God’s Spirit when we’ve trusted in Christ to bring us back into relationship with God.  Where we're operating from God's likeness in Christ.

The enemy of our soul knows our history better than we do – he understands our weaknesses and failings well – he knows the self-doubts and outright lies we hold and nurture (many times very unconsciously).  It is his goal to destroy us or put us out of action in our share of Kingdom life – so the thoughts he continually throws into our minds are typically self-hate, contemptuous, hopeless, condemning, vicious, mean spirited, doubting, suspicious, and negative.  Whereas God is always for us – He sees us as the champions He made us to be in Christ and growing up all the time into all the things in Jesus that we truly are!  He has no illusions about where we are at, but, His thoughts are never vicious or condemning, but kind, gentle, caring, energetically joyful, hopeful, delighted and powerfully victorious!   I’m not saying God is never intense or convicting – He can be like a Father who pulls a small child back quickly and strongly from running into a street full of traffic.  That quick powerful conviction at times is not the same thing as condemnation and contempt.  The difference is easily discernible – God’s love is full of care for our very best and our heart knows the difference.

In my recent prayer time with the friend I met up with – I noticed something very interesting, people, many times are very worried when they cannot understand which thoughts may be God’s thoughts and which thoughts are theirs.  It’s vitally important to them to be able to know.  They don’t want to be deceived, which I can perfectly understand.  When this usually comes up is when a fantastic thought that is really so good comes that a person doesn’t really think about themselves – for instance, “You make my heart glad”.    When that or something like that comes some people think – wow, am I being conceited or too overly hopeful or self-deceived – is that just my inner “pie in the sky” wish or longing?  When, what they should really ask is, does it line up with God’s word and heart about them or if it's about someone else - does it line up with God's word and heart for them too?  That is the perfect measurement.  I am not saying that we should not regularly examine ourselves before God – being truthful with Him about our shortcoming and need for Him and to be honest about where we can continue to grow.  But, what I am saying is that when a word of that type comes to our mind – if it lines up with God’s word and heart – then we can trust that whether it’s our own thought or God’s thought that it was God’s thought first and it is trustworthy.   At that point, we do not need to worry if it was our thought or not.  We must also remember transforming is continually growing more and more like Christ - His character and way of living.  It stands to reason that our thoughts will become more and more His thoughts when we are growing up in Him through His Spirit.  And, we have lots of grace for practice in this process. 

There are also thoughts that come that are difficult to tell whether or not they line up with God’s word or are from the enemy.  They may be action promptings that sort of give you a nudge to do or say something.  You can see if they line up with God’s word and heart at the time you have them, but, there are times there is no telling because the action being prompted does not necessarily fall into categories noted in scripture.  You can check in with your spirit and see – "do I feel peaceful about this", as a way.   But, even then there are times you may feel a little awkward or silly about it.  Say for instance, you see someone you don’t know and you have a sudden urging that you should go up to them and give them money or do something for them or there are words you’re hearing as thoughts that come to you that don’t seem to make much sense to you, but you’re being sort of prompted to go say them to the person.  Unless they are violent or morally questionable (which typically points right away to their origin), they may be things to try to walk out.  These are personal examples for me – I’ve actually had them happen.  For me, in those instances – I call them, "promptings" – I usually follow through on them, even if I'm tentative about it. I will go up and give the words and ask if they mean anything to the person, or I’ll do or offer to someone what I’m prompted for.  Sometimes they know exactly what I’m talking about – it’s meaningful or something comes at just the right time in the right way and sometimes not.  Whenever something I’m prompted for does not seem to be a fit or work out or they say no, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I just usually apologize or say – all’s good and smile.  It’s not for me to determine in advance if it will work out or not, just to try to be faithful to follow through.

We do not have to be perfect, just teachable and willing – we can believe for things not yet apparent to us – promises of God.  We can make mistakes and learn and grow and remain humble.  Though our thoughts are not God’s thoughts and our ways are not His ways (as God’s word clearly states), I love what God’s word also says through Paul in 1 Corinthians 2:6-16 -

1 Corinthians 2:6-16 The Message (MSG)

^6-10 We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it’s not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God’s wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don’t find it lying around on the surface. It’s not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven’t a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn’t have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That’s why we have this Scripture text:

No one’s ever seen or heard anything like this,
Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—
What God has arranged for those who love him.

But you’ve seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.

^10-13 The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you’re thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he’s thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don’t have to rely on the world’s guesses and opinions. We didn’t learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we’re passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.

^14-16 The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can’t receive the gifts of God’s Spirit. There’s no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God’s Spirit and our spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God’s Spirit is doing, and can’t be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah’s question, “Is there anyone around who knows God’s Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?” has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ’s Spirit.

As we continue to grow into the likeness of Christ – we will think His thoughts more; pray His prayers more; do what we see Him doing more; His Kingdom will be present on earth as it is in heaven more – despite sometimes our bumbling or the enemy’s interference. On earth as it is in heaven, just my thoughts or are they? J

Needy and Blessed

Suffering, many go to great lengths to avoid it.  Of course, it’s painful.  Most people inherently do not like pain.   I do not particularly like pain – just for pain’s sake.  And, I have been very good at managing my life to avoid pain.  I've written about the season of life I'm in where pain has been a fairly constant companion.  Where, in 2016, my husband sustained a work injury that put the weight of my household and his care squarely upon my shoulders while at the same time the company I work for also was undergoing changes that pressed down hard upon me physically as well as emotionally – making an already difficult situation almost unbearable.  I went through my husband’s recuperation and my company’s internal insanity in a daze of shock.  Much of it seemed surreal.   In the last year my own health issues and the loss of loved ones and health issues of family members have put additional burdens on me that I never envisioned would come to me.  Though I have not endured the most terrible things that can happen to humans, I’ve had constant pain and challenge that I believe would try the strongest of individuals.  At times it felt like crawling into a hole was a very inviting idea.   But, God.  

In this season, where so much was pressing in and it felt like death at many points – God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit – He has shown me kindness as I have never known it before.   I could not have understood the depth and detail of His great kindness in any other place, time or situation.  For His kindness to me – I am so grateful.  It’s always been available to me, but, I realized I could not access it from all the places of ease and comfort and success that I’ve had.  Those things actually prevented me from seeing that He was there always offering to connect so kindly to me.   Isn’t that the great dichotomy? In order to receive some things – you must be poor.  Having serious needs can bring very a great opening of your eyes to the greatest need and the ever available fulfillment of it.

I spent a great deal of my life trying to never really need too greatly.  I've blogged about my parents who loved me, but who could not help me with the pain of my terrible chronic ear infections from babyhood into teens. From that I learned that needing was not well understood or appreciated.  It was not okay to need too much – people could not help you with some things (even when you asked).  At some point it became too painful to need.  It seemed as though the answer was not to need or have any expectations at all.  This brilliant idea circumvented human failures and the whole crushing disappointment of needs that never would be met.  Hoping just became a trap of unending pain.   Better not to really hope for those needs.

Step in God – who is ever the most generous, loving, faithful, present, active, powerful and willing of Fathers, whose life it is to see His beloved children grow and overcome and savor His goodness to them in every way.   He is not the sidelines sort.   Never one to sit idly by – He is actively in life with His beloved at every detail.  He's led, prompted, guided, put activity and materials in my life and path - He's never left my side - has always been present and always put me into places where His generosity flows - most greatly in the midst of serious suffering.  He's taken things from my hands and out of my life and put other things in.  Through it all - He has shown Himself so faithful and present.

For me – I do not believe I would have been able to perceive God’s great goodness in this time if not for all the growth He’s given me all throughout my life through so many of His beautiful children and the healing He’s given me in so many areas of my heart.  He placed just the right people (my community) in my life all along the way to bring me safe family to be real with and to grow with.  To learn how to endure hard things well.  To learn from and help others learn.   I am so grateful for those people God’s blessed me to know and do life with.  They are keepers – not perfect but real and willing to walk through hard things together.  It’s knowing these kinds of people that made me able - when I came face to face with them - to admit and share my needs.  They supported me in the hardest of times – praying for and with me, encouraging me, being there for things, seeing the best and calling it up in me, giving me opportunities and platforms.  I can’t say what that meant to someone like me who did everything in their power to never need anything from anyone.  What a joy to know there are people to be safe with needs about and to be out ahead, partnering and perceiving, many times before a need could be asked!   It doesn’t mean they met the needs that only God can, but, they met needs that He’s given them discernment, grace and ability to meet.  And, we really have grown so wonderfully together – in ways we could never grow otherwise with Him and each other. Wow, I have learned what being poor is at a whole new level.  It’s about a wealth that cannot be counted in money, status or worldly power systems.  Pain, suffering and seeing how desperately we need God and each other and seeing how God meets us there so BIG - yes, I would have missed Him entirely, but for the help He’s given me in the midst of suffering and pain.  Thank you, God.

I still have so much to learn, so far to grow, so much more to see.  I’m not even at the start.  I’m a blind woman, dull in my wits and abilities. Poor – it’s the most wonderful to be poor – where resting on God and those beloved He’s placed around you is all that you can do.  Ahhhh - what a relief.  It’s where you learn in a whole new way that you can’t give what you have not first received.

It's a TEST!

The car won’t start, you’re running late, the baby is screaming. You get the car started and while baby is still screaming, you believe you are moving forward and are just about convinced the reign of terror you are in is over when - BOOM!  Dropping baby off you break a heel lose balance and fall scraping your hands, cutting an arm and bruising your face. Whew!  An over the top level of ridiculous!  This is a hypothetical scenario, but, whenever this sort of thing happened I used to land at, “REALLY?” Some years later I congratulated myself that I’d grown and graduated to, “This is a test” when these things would come.  Now, now I am truly humbled.  It actually took until today. Today Papa showed me. Thank you, God for persisting with me.  These situations are not places to stare skyward, shake a fist and say “Really?”. Nor are they a test to see if you remember all the things The Holy Spirit has taught you up to this point in your walk.  They are, in reality, the place where Jesus runs to you, offers His hand with eyes of deep compassion, care and understanding as He’s cleansing, healing, comforting.  Not a test, an invitation.  I’m invited to receive comforting, help and care from God – things I’ve been unaware are even available to me from Him in those places at times. They are just a highlight of an invitation to an ever unfolding real relationship all the time.

If a good friend was present as you fell on your face and got hurt – they’d run over to you and express their concern and sympathy, ask what you needed, how you felt, they’d help you up, help you patch up or get you to help and express their sadness to you that it happened and empathize how it must hurt.   God is our very best friend.  He knows us better than we know ourselves and He cares! 

For so many years I thought of these hard things – really over the top difficult places - were a set up, God testing me to prove to me that I was able to be an overcomer in Him.  Trouble is, while He is growing and raising me to be an overcomer, it’s never something He was making me fit to do separate from awareness of Himself or His presence, love, compassion and help.  I need Him and to know He is present.  It’s not smarter or better for me to ever think I am being toughened up or strengthened so I can go through these things without awareness of Him – silly me, somehow I thought it was!  Wow! BAM! – Misperception blown up!  That was a big one!

And it all started with that psalm - “As the deer…”  I didn’t even want to take on the exercise.  I went to answer the questions and felt disconnected from God.  I set it aside, put down my pen and all of a sudden God started downloading thoughts about His real desire to satisfy my real thirst and need.   Could have knocked me over.  I began typing them out and was astonished to see that He was reminding me I’m made for HIM!  I can’t do life by myself – I am not designed for it and I will die of thirst.  Funny, I’ve known that at some level, but, I saw it so differently.  I always thought, I was supposed to be able to do things alone at some point if God had taught me.  He was never teaching me to do things alone.  I am never going to outgrow my need for God.  That is somehow very reassuring.  He’s actually growing my awareness of Him and changing my very heart in that process.  That’s true grace, the kind of goodness your efforts can’t earn.

Invitation - not test.  RSVP - YES, to your Invitations, God!