Breathtaking

I’ve seen it and tried to battle it since I was a little child - contempt.  I can remember the viciousness of it in little children in elementary school – kids who were bullied, beat up, called names, teased, harassed, torn down, and publicly humiliated.  I watched this and it sobered me.  And, I determined very young that I was going to protect myself from the bullies.  So, in elementary school, I developed a mean look and sarcastic wit.  For the most part – bullies didn’t try to mess with me much.  The only one who did – Kevin – determined that anyone who touched his ball was going to pay. So when he bounced it off my legs on the sidelines at school he made good on his threat, knocking me to the ground and breaking my collar bone.  A couple of weeks later, he and I were in the school office talking with the principal and as I left the office I heard the spanking and his screams (they were allowed to give spankings when I was in school) and…I cried for him.  Yes, even then it hurt me to hear someone else being hurt, even though they hurt me.

It’s been no different as an adult.  In the world there are many people who only feel good when they are hurting or intimidating and humiliating others.  I’m not perfect – I don’t live out the fullness yet of Jesus’ mandate to love my enemies the way He loves me.  I do try – but, I’m not stellar at it, I admit, though I’m working on it.  I’m thankful God’s Holy Spirit is guiding and helping me learn how to let Jesus’ love overflow in my own heart.  I’m in transformation, but I still fail, many times.  It’s a process with me – so, I can see that others are also in their process and I can have compassion and empathy toward the ones who are hateful or mean to me.

What I find different, at this point in my life, is that I’m seeing bullies differently now.  I used to see danger and threat to myself and contempt of me in the people who bullied or were hateful to me.  But, now, I see their emptiness, lack, fear, sometimes jealousy.  And, I’m always surprised to realize again that though many of these individuals have great talent, resources and opportunities they still have these things inside that cause them to think it’s necessary for them to treat others this way.  From Luke 6:45 –“The good man brings good things out of the good treasure of his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil treasure of his heart. For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” 

God's started showing me how to look in His eyes and see the truth and pour out His goodness to people like this and pray for them.  What I see, when I look with Jesus’ eyes, is that their bad behavior is not about me at all.  I am learning so much.  And, their behavior helps show me what's inside of me too.   I can believe for them and see in them my complete inability (apart from Jesus) to make myself be better.  And right there I can show them the compassion that God always shows me.  I don’t have to expect these people will change, but, I can continue to believe for them.  God’s kindness to me is always present in the midst – whatever happens.  He proves it over and over again and I keep learning more deeply all the time to trust him because of it.  And, it's so amazing when some of them receive God’s love and learn to know that He is for them. It’s pretty exciting to see what comes of that.   I love seeing people be who God really made them to be.  It’s breathtaking, actually, words have no power here!  And, it makes walking through all the "stuff" completely worth it. J