My Daddy

Shoulders so strong and arms so wide

I always felt safe and loved inside

With a voice so deep and a stance so tall

Most people’d think twice before bluffing his call

He loved all kinds of swimming, he’d give rides on his back!

And when we’d go fishing he’d bring back a pack!

As his daughter I feared when my first date came knockin

Cause there was ol dad - rifle in hand - in his chair just a rockin

So deep and so loud country songs in the shower 

Why our neighbors all over knew dad’s great lung power

He enjoyed making projects, had an inventive mind

And his friends they’ll all tell you, my dad was so kind

He’d spoil dogs and hummingbirds – he was an animal lover

And his image of a tough guy – well that's mostly a cover

To protect a tender heart, both loving and giving

He overcame lots of stuff and learned about forgiving

My dad was affectionate, fun and good cheer

His humor was dry and his laugh was so dear

Oh the times that we shared and trips that we made

The laughter and memories  - not one would I trade

Though there are things that my dad did that hurt and caused pain

I can’t help but love him, forgive him and remain

His daughter through the thick and the thin of this life

Though I’m happily married - long a mother and wife

And when they ask, do you miss him, I’ll answer quite true

Yes I miss him so much – yes I miss him I do

But I know where to find him when I’m missing him so

I just look right at Jesus – he’s right here – don’t you know?

And my dad’s right here with him, so joyful and free

One found in Lord Jesus can’t be lost – don’t you see?

And one day I’ll be like him – face to face with our Lord

With God’s great adventures – we’ll never be bored!

Thanks, God, for my papa, how the years went with speed

Til we meet again, love to you daddy – from your little girl Deed

The Swirling Vortex

Ahh, the “Swirling Vortex of Despair”.  I know it well.  I’ve spent many hours of my life there.  Its gravitational pull is immense. The insidious nature of it is the underlying entitlement or justice based enticement that seems to drag you into the path of its outer edges – gradually spinning you round and round and picking up speed and velocity as it throws you relentlessly toward the center where you are pulled down under with seemingly no hope of escape!  It whispers in your ear promises of satisfaction and justification, if you just spend time indulging it, just a little! After all, you are justified! Hah! From experience, I can tell you it is never satisfying and a little never stays a little.  I have yet to ever really "feel" better indulging it.  It’s the old “bait and switch”.  Promises of satisfaction turn to a never ending hamster wheel of anger leading to self-righteousness leading to self-pity and regret, then the coup-de-grass – despair which leads to the whole thing on a never ending auto loop! It’s exhausting, depressing AND unnecessary!

I’ve had moments recently where I’m on the edge of that vortex and despite my complete understanding of it and how it REALLY is, I sometimes am tempted.  But I’ve taken measures to make sure I never get close enough to that sucking noise!!  Thanks to my dear friends and those I’ve asked to keep me accountable and let me know if I’m wandering anywhere near, I am guarded and my heart of joy is sustained!

So, add to that my new mind set!  Yeah – a new mind set completely looks the “Swirling Vortex of Despair” in the eye and says, “Ah, Ah, Ah!  SO NOT wasting precious moments of MY life on YOU anymore!”  Did you know, resentment, complaining and despair are the worship and praise of the DARK Kingdom?!  Oh, they most certainly are!  This actually became a realization for me.  I then woke up and found I don’t have to spend one moment of my life “indulging” this.  I get to choose how I’m going to show up to the moments of my life and I’m doggone choosing love, beauty, compassion, hope, joy, creativity and wonder for MY moments.  Hey, my moments here ARE LIMITED and I am no longer accepting one thing less than AMAZING for the one's I've been given!  God promised, so why would I turn away from His TRUE outrageously glorious PROMISES for empty meaningless and falsely promoted despair?! That would just be ridiculous!  Unfortunately, so many times I’ve not only accepted but embraced so much less.  Why?  Secret revealed, I thought it was going to somehow soothe and satiate my angry hurt self. Never happened.  Problem – my angry hurt self actually just became more inflamed and found new reasons to feed into the angry hurt whirlpool maelstrom!  Why do we act as though venting or just getting things off our chest will somehow make us feel better?  Stuff and Nonsense!  And, there’s that “OTHER” lie that makes me feel, initially, as though indulging love, beauty, and all the other amazing things God has for me will somehow be an impossible “Herculean” effort on my part!  Ha – that is a laugh!  Actually, just starting into the GOOD things immediately soars my spirit up so quickly and firmly to that overcoming buoyant joy – it is fantastically fool proof!  I, for one, am setting my mind on this!  I have a better answer – I GET TO go out and BE marvelously JOY FILLED in my moments INSTEAD!  Is there actually a comparison? REALLY?!  Not even a question.  Check it out and let me know what you find! 

Measure the Measureless

In May, this year, I was invited to share my testimony at a women's retreat. I prayed about it and God prompted me that I should do it. I took some time to prepare a whole talk on that and three days before the retreat, God woke me up at 2AM and shared the Ephesians 3 scripture below.  He then gave me an extended version of "The Letter" (see my blog - The Letter from February 2013) to share.

He recently prompted me to share it here on my blog with you! So, here it is. Take time - listen to God's heart for you. He's been longing for you to really go deeper with Him.  Receive it!

Take a moment and sit in these verses.

Ephesians 3:14 - 21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Long ago, Paul prayed this prayer for the Beloved in Ephesus AND for us (we’re the Lord’s holy people!).  How POWERFUL it is to agree (YOU and I agree with Paul, when we pray this) for each other and all of the Beloved in Christ.  We agree in prayer for God’s glory to strengthen us – give us power through His Spirit in our inner being so that Christ dwells in our hearts through faith,  and in love that power strengthens us to own and explore the dimensions of Christ’s love (how limitless those are!) and to know practically - through personal experience, His love (that is beyond all knowing) that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God – the fullest measure – flooded with God’s presence.  OK, so let’s just stop right there for a minute and think on that deeply.  Filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.   How amazing is that?!!  This is US  - you and me - that the Almighty, Everlasting, All POWERFUL one and only I AM wants to make His home in.   And not just a smidgen of Him, or whatever we think will fit, of Him - but – ALL OF HIM.  WOW, the goodness of God is just so good! It is sobering, His plan and design for us, His people.

And, Paul, he recognizes our limitations in looking at this, so he thoughtfully reminds us that God is the one able to do immeasurably more than ALL we ask or IMAGINE – wow, what could be beyond imagining?!  He has covered every base, it seems.  Thank you GOD!!! 

So, today, I want you to rest, expectantly and open yourself to receive God’s heart for you.  We receive again by faith what we already have, by God’s doing.  God, show us your glory!!!  Empower us to have the fullest dimensions of your love and self!  Breathe on us – Holy Spirit!   

Beloved,

Maybe you know me.  Maybe you have only heard or read about me.  I have always known and loved you.  Long before you were born, I knew what every one of your days would hold.  I crafted in my heart, your design and my vision for who you would be, putting my image - the very stamp of who I am into you.  I reveled in the role you would play in the world and eternity. When you were conceived I rejoiced that you had stepped into time.  I formed and shaped you with great care in your mother’s womb and protected and watched over you. When you were born, my excitement and love overflowed!  I smiled, sang and danced over your long anticipated life emerging into the world!

When you were a baby, I walked with you as you developed and grew, wonder and discovery in every moment.  I cared for you and protected you, delighting in your “ah –ha” moments and I held you close to me through your tears (catching every one). 

I saw your attempts over the years to venture out and try new things.  I sang over you with joy when you manifested the beauty and creativity I placed in you and stayed close by your side grieving, as you did, moments of deep pain, hurt and injustice when you withdrew hiding in fear, feeling shamed, rejected, UN-seen and UN-valued.  I was your fortress protection there and I shielded you and tenderly held you there – though you may have had no awareness of me.  I have many things to reveal to you about this – things that will set you free to be yourself.

You are priceless to me.   No one else is committed to you in the way that I am.  My love and care for you is life-giving and transformational.  When you come to me and spend time exploring the width, length, height and depth of my love, and really know that love in tangible ways - I bring you into line with your glorious original calling and design – that you may be filled to the measure of ALL of my fullness.  Giving yourself to be present with me is a moment by moment choice that I never force, but am always available for, welcome and invite.  Just think – Here I am, creator of the universe, all powerful, and my deepest and greatest joy is when you and I spend time together.  Do you understand how my heart longs for you? Do you know or even suspect who you are to me?  You are a one-of-a–kind masterpiece, there is no other like you. You are my very favorite! No other person (past, present or future) can ever replace you in my affections.  You are a deeply loved child who I take great delight in.  When my eyes land upon you, they light up!!  And, I always have my eyes on you!  I look forward to our time together and I am always with you, but it is times where you engage, when you take time to drink in deeply and refresh in me and my love for you – these are deeply satisfying times for me too.  Look into my eyes.  Do you see yourself there?  These eyes overflow my radiant and heartfelt welcome and pleasure in you.  My heart is always full and for you – I have so much to share with you and show you.  I am jealous for you to be who I’ve made you to be in Jesus. Who that is – the one seated in heavenly realms with Christ right now (yes even now already you are there!) – you really have no idea who that is!  That one (YOU) is beautiful inside and out with a radiance, purity, holiness and loveliness that you cannot imagine.  There is nothing in the world like you to compare you to.  Like a priceless jewel shines, you shine – ONLY MORE SO!  Like a deeply adored child – you are content, fulfilled with overflowing happiness and unstoppable joy – ONLY MORE SO!  You will be restless, unsatisfied and disappointed being anything other than who I’ve designed you to be!  Your own vision of you is nothing to the astonishing true YOU in me.  Your very design requires relationship with me, though I never force that. That doesn’t mean I am not relentless in pursuing you, but, I invite you because I want you to come to me from a real heart commitment on your part.

Come to me.  Lay down your busyness, set aside your anxiety and worries.  Put down your hurts, pride and anger.  Take off your masks of pretending to be good enough, smart enough, capable and protecting to avoid rejection – just come as you are.  Come, abide in my acceptance of you, my joyful rest, love and approval of you.  Practice spending time with me and receiving my great love for you.  When you receive my love and understand who I really am (more and more) – everything in your life falls rightly into place.  Where before anxiety, performance and rushing to complete tasks overrode your vision and all the hurts, protecting and concerns loomed large in your eyes – when you spend time with me, I and my extravagant over the top love and power will take up ALL of your vision. I’m really too big not to!  You will no longer have eyes for anxiety or worry – your eyes will be filled with me, safe, protected, working in confident peace from rest in me.  I have an intimate life long walk with you, whether you are aware of me or not.  Beloved, I long to spend intimate time with you. It’s an integral part of who you are.  Your part, if you choose – is to choose to spend time with me – not in a legalistic – do this many hours of bible study and this much time in your prayer lists and the list of good things to do as a Christian.  I want you – just yourself – real, wholehearted, with all weights on you, flaws, all the stuff – just to come talk to me, listen to me, rest with me.  Our relationship establishes the process of washing away any hurts, worries or troubles. And my powerful love, - my fruitful love that is ever joyful, my love that is peaceful, my love that displays patience and long suffering, my love of overflowing kindness, my love’s abundant outrageous “never get to the bottom of it” goodness, my love that’s faithful and always for you, my love that is powerfully gentle, and my love richly abundant in self-control overcomes every deficit and need in you – making you an over comer and bearer of that same fruit!  You are made to be more than a conqueror! You shine and the brilliance I designed in you continues to be unveiled as we walk together – you shine into all the world around you.  That’s Kingdom life!  Me in you, you in me, we together with all of the Beloved - are one!   Our unity, life giving love and power – testify to and lift up Christ - drawing all the world to Him. 

I set my love upon you, beloved, because I am Love and have made you, designed you for it.  Come, Jesus made it possible for you to come!  Receive what I have for you, for Jesus’ sake – He really is worthy.

God (Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit)

Spectacles to See

He looked pretty much as he did every day, strength and beauty transcending the fraying edges - a sort of worn luster through wear.  Doggedly ready to drive ahead in the face of fatigue and angst.  "If they weren't such snakes!  They make me sick!", he blurted out.  "Jesus loves them, even if he doesn't love what they do. If you ask Him to,  Jesus will help you see them with His eyes and love them with His love.", I smiled and gave him a big hug.   "Okay, I'll try to be more positive", he said, as he opened the door.  I laughed, "Just listen to Jesus!"

Later that night... "Hey you!!", he said as he put down his things.  "Hey you!!", I said from under the snugly horse throw blanket. He sat down, pulled off his shoes and stripped off his socks, tossing them playfully at the sleeping cat. "Today was worse.  The boss was out and Pete (I can't stand that guy) gave me a real winner.  Re-check done by Dave.  Won't ask Dave to take care of it.  They feed all their favorites who'll do anything but the work, for a fast buck.  Yeah, and who gets to take care of the problems, again? No body cares about their work anymore and if they hurry up and just get it out to make money, they get rewarded"  I smiled at him, motioning him to look at the cat who had gotten up and was now curled up contentedly on his discarded socks.  "But, I just started in getting ready to take care of it and - guess what?",  He said, as he looked at me with a big smile.  "What?", I said.  "I looked down and there was a picture of Jesus and I remembered what you said this morning and I laughed!", his eyes crinkled at the corners as he looked at me.  "Yeah, Jesus, no coincidence you seeing Him.  So, did you listen to what He said?", I asked. A sheepish sort of smile crossed his face.

Thank you Jesus.  You are so good at everything.  You never ever fail in anything you do.  Thank you, thank you that you know every situation and circumstance and you bring people to see you there.  Thank you that we can walk with you in seeing things and people with your eyes.  Those eyes, seeing with them brings a whole different look to the world.  When we put on the "Jesus spectacles" we see so very clearly and act so very much in line with you. It changes everything.

Anointed

The word "anointed", in some Christian circles, has been diluted to a point where it is sort of lost to us. It's the same thing we've done to many other words.  We've made it impotent by applying it to many things that it is not.  Doing that's made it come to have a somewhat nebulous meaning that's almost rather like no meaning at all.

I say all that to say - I stumbled across an individual who I believe has been "anointed" for musical worship in a way I've not seen very often.  I use anointed as in - consecrated or chosen. With anointing, sometimes actual application of oil has been done, though I don't know if this man has been actually blessed with an application of oil. I do know God has chosen him.

It's really quite fascinating to me. I saw this person probably about a year ago, for the first time.  He is a very unassuming person.  Not showy.  Never presumptuous or full of himself with his talent.  He is humble, focused, pure in seeking to worship with his gift. He is rather unconscious of himself and quiet - not a very talkative person.  He has an innocence about him that is very refreshing in such a young person (he's likely no more than 25).  He is connected with God's heart in a way I have not experienced with any other musical worship leader in some ways (and I've seen quite a few of them - some very very talented). He has an innate talent with his instrument, but it's really more about his sensitivity to the Holy Spirit - though he uses his instrument to convey what He sees God doing. He listens intently to God.  He's never rushed or locked in to a set formula or way.  He's watching and when God turns, he turns.  He makes the sound that heaven is making. He adapts a song to fit how the Holy Spirit is leading for. He's playing "from heaven".  I have nearly been frozen during worship with this person playing. Frozen in actual awe of God. There is such a deep place of worship that's entered, that I really can't move for a good portion of the time.  It's not painful, it's the most wonderful.

Typically, this man plays with a group of very gifted worship leaders. They are a very powerful combination, each of them with specific talents and the whole is quite wonderful.  That and a great prayer team makes for a fabulous watering hole for the beloved.  I'm blessed to get to worship with them once or sometimes twice a month.  However, today, I was able to see this person lead worship alone.  I could not wait to go and encourage him to keep on sharing the worship of God in the way he does.  I could tell he felt very unequal to the task - but he really did so marvelously with God's absolute stamp on it. He was not really able to see some of what happened.  There was a spiritual darkness trying to keep worship halted or the lid on it.  He sensed that and felt as though he was struggling to get through. But God absolutely busted him through it.  He did join God by his persistence and brought all of us up into that place with God where heaven  is on earth in reality.  I believe he felt inadequate because he typically does not sing, when he works with the other leaders - though he sings quite well.  Tonight he sang and played and though his voice started out very quiet and tentative - he played as he always does, with great sensitivity.  We all came in to join him and the intimacy of it was quite powerful.  We could actually all hear each other - including him and all of us were so in awe of God's beauty there. So many times, in worship, the music drowns out all of the other worship voices and you only can hear the leaders.  It was so wonderful to hear each of the voices and their way of worship and love of God, even though not all were gifted with star quality singing voices.  Each had a unique portion of adoration for the King and it was wonderful sharing in God's presence. I reveled worshiping God in that way.  That time, so "anointed".   :)  Thank you, God.

Self Gardening

There is something so amazing about a beautiful garden.   It just refreshes and invigorates but at the same time calms and soothes. The picture to the right is from grounds at the Huntington Botanical Gardens in Los Angeles.

We (body, soul, spirit) are a garden. Yep, it's true - made from dust of the earth, water and other elements.  And, we are made to tend and work in our garden.  God gave us His very image, planted every seed of potential into our DNA from before birth and when we live into relationship with Christ we are able to live into the fullness of our original design.  When we are born again - by the spirit - we can see, discern, and understand the things of God and His Kingdom. Now, from around conception in our mother's womb there have been some very nasty weeds and horrible things that have fallen on the ground of our garden, long before we received the tools and ability in Christ to tend it properly.  They've created an almost wilderness forest of deeply rooted and wickedly thorny and tangled BLECK! That's the technical term :)  With some of us there's more "BLECK!" than others.  But don't fool yourself, we ALL have it and LOTS OF IT!  It's most wickedly deceptive when there may be something that (on the face of it) looks beautiful, but on closer inspection is found to be deadly poisonous in nature. The serpent in the Garden of Eden was a deceiver. God originally made Lucifer to be a bright and powerful angel.  He lead worship of God in heaven and was an amazingly beautiful angel of light.  When he became bent in his thinking by believing he could actually take what was God's for himself - he fell, though he still has power to deceive with his light and beauty.  We are so like him in some ways whenever we believe things that are not in line with God's truth.  We are deceived and need to clear the deadly weeds!

The good news is that life in Christ is transformational.  There is an ongoing change that comes about when we are intentional to live into alignment with God,  detecting, rooting up and weeding out those unwanted things that do not belong and are not only NOT fruitful, but are deadly, ugly, painful, draining and take up space and light in our garden. As we grow in discovering and nurturing those amazing and beautiful plantings and features that God has put into our garden - the fruit and real beauty becomes outrageously fragrant and abundant!  The raw good materials for this garden, each component and all of the plantings and features - these have been originally given (put into us) by God. We co-labor with Him (by His spirit) in creatively weeding, tailoring the landscape, putting in the features, tilling the soil, tending the beautiful seeds and seedlings Papa has given us. That takes commitment and work! Really, there's no denying it.  But, let's face it, we are going to engage our energies and attentions into something with our life.  We all know that's true.  Why would we grouse and complain when anything God has for us is far far better than anything we can think up for ourselves!  I mean, He knows the true good desires of our hearts, He made us!  And as we stay really close to Him, He reigns (rains) light and life in our garden and it GROWS.  It makes perfect sense - He's the source of everything!! I always get this image of people who deny God or ignore Him - like a person in a tree at a deadly height, sawing for all that they are worth (living life their way) only to find, startled as they fall, that the limb they were sawing was the very one they were standing on (severed by their own hand). How do we sever our very life? Through deception and ignorance.  Real life, joy and transformation can't help but be everywhere we are when we purpose a gardening lifestyle.  Funny thing, how God designed it so that our own transformation transforms everything else too. Mmmmmm...so Kingdom!

True Confessions of a Girl Scout

Was talking recently with one of my daughters and sharing about things not so generally known about me.   

The one thing she brought up with glee is that I've been arrested. Yep! Disgraceful, but true. Do they let Girl Scouts remain scouts with an arrest? I'm sure they don't give out badges for this.  I was booked, finger printed and mug shot!  But, you'll not find me in any police books or even their records anymore.  I was pulled over as a teen for wearing a headset radio while driving my parent's 66 Volkswagen Bug (doggone radio was out!).  Humiliating, I know.  I had never received a ticket up to that point and was the picture of a "model citizen".  I didn't really know what to do.  I did not realize that wearing headphones was illegal, but agreed quick enough that I had violated the law when the officer told me it was illegal.  I was fresh out of High School and was in the midst of preparing for college finals.  The officer seemed agitated and unhappy before he even started talking to me. I think he was having a bad day. He wrote up my ticket and asked me to sign it.  I noticed when I got ready to sign that it stated that by signing the ticket I was swearing that I would appear in court on the date written by the officer on the ticket.  I took that swearing very seriously.  The date was the same date I had final exams at college.  I told the officer that I had finals and that I could not appear that date. I was really worried about it.  He was really angry, brooked no argument and told me to get out of the car!  I was never so shocked when he put my hands behind me and cuffed me!  Then he put me in his squad car and drove me to the station.  I was completely cooperative and did everything as I was told (my eyes must have been big as saucers!!).  The policemen at the station looked at me in disbelief!  They didn't understand how I got arrested. They asked why I didn't sign the ticket - I told them about the court date and they said I could have just re-scheduled with the court for another date!  But too late at that point -  into the SLAMMER I went!  I called my (then) boyfriend (now my husband) to come bail me out.  He still smiles that impish smile when he talks about having my bail ticket tucked away for posterity.  He thinks it's quite amusing that his little "angel face" was arrested and says he wants to hold on to the ticket to show our grand kids what their Granny was really like! :)  Turns out, when I went to court (rescheduled to a different date), the judge heard the whole story and threw out the case.  He apologized for the officer's obvious bad day and told me my record would not reflect the arrest.  I've since been bonded for various jobs I've held over the years, so, I know my record has been restored. I was very thankful. Just a lesson to be thoughtful and aware of cranky officers who are having a bad day! Sheesh!

STOP! PLEASE READ THIS AMENDMENT TO THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH – ADDED 2/28/13     So, I’ve been asking God to help me root out those things in me that must go.  He’s been completely faithful to tell me and answer my prayer. As a result I now must tell you the parts of this that I wanted to hide and that I specifically lied about so that I could appear less imperfect.  I actually was told a story, by my brother, sometime well before I got this ticket that not signing a ticket may actually get it thrown out (or I believed something along those lines anyway) so while I was concerned about my finals date, – I was also pushing to see if this officer would throw out the ticket.  Also, I lied - the officer did tell me that the court could re-schedule the date for this – but he would not re-date the court date, so I refused to sign the ticket.  He was right to arrest me.  I was wrong to characterize things as though it was entirely the officer’s fault, even though he really was having a bad day before he pulled me over.  It’s obvious I made his day worse.  The fact it (the ticket and arrest) was thrown out is true and that my record is clean - but now the record is truly set straight. I am sorry for lying and telling half-truths.  I pledge to tell the truth from now on.  God is helping me to change and I want to go His way, not mine.  I have many failings, but He assures me that He still loves me and that when I walk with Him through difficult and painful things – He surrounds me with His love, care and restoration. It's ironic, but this is now the COMPLETELY TRUE Confession of this Girl Scout.

The other thing she found really funny is that I used to have a terrible "Potty Mouth"!  Yes, it's very sad but true. Shameful, actually. Behavior is definitely something Scouts address in their pledge.  I wantonly chose to do that. I wonder what might have happened if they ever found out? I used to swear like a drunken sailor as a 5th grader.  I actually became quite adept at swearing as a regular way of communicating on the playground.  It was, "Bleep this" and "That bleeping bleep of a bleeper" and "How the bleep are you today?".  I can truly admit that I was BEYOND in my behavior.  And, it was not just using bad language to express anger or surprise.  I was using expletive words (and quite colorful combinations of them too) to just trail throughout regular conversation in a "matter of fact" sort of way. I think it was a phase I was going through - sort of enjoyed the shock value of it.  I really was quite the well behaved honest and helpful model of a Girl Scout in every other respect.  Hey, I still pretty much am like that. But, my bad mouth ways abruptly changed one fateful day when I nearly slipped up in front of my FATHER!  Oh so NOT gonna happen!  My parents were staunchly mid-western corporal punishment aficionados.  They had no qualms whipping the belt or paddle out and treating you to a whole new definition on your backside - pronto! - when misbehaving took place.  Punishment was swift and painful, but I would say I always felt they were fair - not abusive.  And, though my father would use strong curse words on occasion and my mom would now and then say something when taken by surprise (not quite as strong of language as dad), my brother and I did not in any way mistake their behavior as an invitation to use that language for ourselves around them.  OH NO!  We clearly knew the dividing line between what they could do and what was expected of us (make no mistake about it)!  But, for whatever reason, on the school playground (and really nowhere else) I slipped into this ugly habit.  Well, the day I came face to face with my near impending doom was when I almost casually slipped out a prime curse word in mid-sentence right in front of my Dad!  I caught myself before it flew out, but that near slip was enough to scare the P-Doodle out of me!!  Whew! Fear of God and gratefulness for not getting caught all came flying out of nowhere that day!! I knew I had dodged a bullet and I was hasty in repenting about it too (though it's no real credit to me, repenting when nearly caught!).  I wasted no time in determining never to use that language again and I not only never used it again on the playground I did not use it anywhere at any time.  I turned over a new leaf, speedy quick!  Now, I wish I could say that I have never ever since used bad language.  As a younger adult and at prime moments of insanity - I can say I have used words, on occasion, very unnecessary and very unbecoming.  But, thankfully, truthfully, it is now a thing of my past. I do not find it's even part of my thoughts anymore, even when cut off on the freeway!  Funny how things can change.  Funny how when you are motivated and put your mind to it they change MIGHTY FAST!

Good to share things about human nature and the silly things we do.  And, good to be authentic and real about real things.  I enjoyed the time with my daughter, we had a good time laughing and pondering why we do some things.  They say confession is good for the soul.  It is well with my Girl Scout soul.  :)