People

People, I marvel at the diversity God has put into people.  Whether they're introverts, extroverts, famous, obscure, flamboyant, humble, tight or loose - the variety is astounding.  I am in the midst of learning more about how to see people and what my part of interacting with them is. 

I find it very interesting that while I learn lots from people who connect with me in very real and deep ways, I also learn a whole lot from those who are very difficult for me to connect with and who I have no natural affinity for.  In the past, I would avoid people who offended, were just too problematic or who I absolutely had no values in common with.  Over time, I've seen that God has purposely put people in my path who I have no love for in my natural self and who do not flow in line with me easily.  He's done this because I must learn to live into the Christ in me loving them. This is proving the glory of God.  I can no longer back away or avoid them.  They are special and precious opportunities.  If Christ is big and overcoming and amazing (as we know He is) then He is all of those things in me - and particularly where I (in my flesh) have a propensity to take offense.  I must choose not to live in my old flesh nature and instead see with Jesus' eyes those giftings, potential and (barring the ability to see any redeeming thing whatever) love them because that's who Jesus is in me!  Even if they never change.  Even if they intend to hurt or harm me.  Even if they make things difficult for me.  Even if they remain in their sins or choose vile things.  I'm so thankful that God loves me though I'm vile and sin - I get to love the same way He does, because He's the one in me doing it.  And, it 's powerful to live this way.  It means that what people do or do not do has no bearing on my direction, intention, actions or attitude.  That means I can actually focus on positive and good things that keep me at peace - I focus on God. 

This is something that definitely takes practice.  Lucky me, I have a whole world to practice on.  Abundant are the individuals who will make my flesh crazy (it's like a little blinking neon sign - "Here - Right Here - Opportunity to Love").  But abundant then are those precious opportunities to see with right eyes.  Judgment has been taken care of at the cross.  None of us (no not one) can live in any way deserving of God's great gift to us.  He is the one who has done everything needed to take us out of sin and make us able to have relationship with Him.  Our whole life is the greatest of opportunities to display the power and truth of Christ in His people on the Earth.  That is a very great priviledge and I want to live into valuing and honoring it more.

Looking for the things Jesus sees when He looks at people, what an interesting and fantastic journey this is!

Intimacy

Finding out some interesting things about intimacy.  Did you know that if you lack intimacy you will fill the need for it with other things?  Oh, yes you will!  Human beings are made for intimacy. It can be particularly painful and harmful when people form misperceptions that keep them from appropriately engaging intimately.  It affects their ability to connect with God, other people and themselves. 

Take me, for instance, I had good parents who loved me. However, I had terrible ear infections from the time I was a baby until well into my teen years.  Part of what I discovered about how I perceived myself as a result of those ear infections is that, though my parents took very good care of me and got me medical care and tended to me - at some point during my many bouts with illness I would cry, quite a lot, seemed like hours (my ear infections were particularly painful).  And, until the meds would take effect (sometimes a couple of days) there was really nothing my parents could do to take the pain away or stop me from crying. I can imagine how hard that was for them and how, even if they never intended it, they could have become very weary, irritated and impatient. As a small child this left me with several faulty beliefs about me, some of which were - "you are too much", "you have to be perfect to be loved", "you have to take care of yourself", and "it's not OK to cry".  Those beliefs (and many others) have affected my life and interactions with others. I'm really still finding out how they have. While I have friends and love people very much - I am very limited in how trusting I am with people. I have a much harder time receiving from others than I do giving to others. Letting things go, making mistakes, being embarrassed in a public way - these have been things I've dreaded and the fear of them have kept me from doing things I really want to do. This blog - admitting things in writing in a public way would have been the last thing I ever would have done prior to some of the healing I've received.  Even with healing, I find that I still hesitate in some areas.  But, the need for intimacy does not just go away, despite fears.  I find some of the ways I compensate are to spend time on Face Book. Sometimes food becomes a way.  Rescuing work situations and being perfect (or at least trying to appear to be) were also ways I've tried to fill the need for intimacy.  Some ways I see others fill it - for men, it can be sexual addictions, for women, relationship addictions (I have some of this myself), with both men and women it can be gambling, games, and obsessions and addictions of all kinds.

So, what does proper intimacy look like?  I'm no expert and still have a lot to learn, but my perception of it is being able at all times to be myself authentically and wholeheartedly without having to control or be perfect or worry about failure, rejection or judgement.  Oh and being open to connect with others - and especially God.  We become our true self in intimacy with God.  He made us for Himself - not for ourselves.  But, we do live as though we are made for ourselves - part of "the fall" selfishness. Please do not equate intimacy with God to religion, it is not. It is relationship not a rule book. We will only be truly ourselves in knowing, loving and beholding God.  Intimacy with Him brings freedom from self centeredness and the only true happiness we can know (see my blog entry on design). 

Looking forward to growing, healing and learning more about all of that!

The Genders (another clue)

Sometimes it takes time for me to deeply understand something that happened right before my eyes. And even then, I know there's always more that happened that I didn't get!  Last night was one occasion like that.  Was lucky to have dinner with dear Papa Joe,our friend Trond and Trond's pastor friends from Norway who were attending a Saddleback event.  It took a little long for our dinner to arrive, but during that time everyone was conversing and enjoying the time together.  We had been discussing various topics when Joe told the one other lady in our party that she would make a good pastor.  She turned red and Joe asked if she'd ever thought about being a pastor. She mentioned that she was a teacher and her husband (who is a pastor and was at the table) agreed that she has gifting in that.  But, while it seemed as though she felt truly complemented and she smiled big and blushed, she also seemed too uncomfortable to seriously entertain such a thing.  At first I was uncomfortable for her as I could feel her discomfort with it.  I noted that Joe likes to see people blush.  I asked Joe what makes him turn red (he said he never does). I don't think I believe him :).  Joe was talking about a book he recently read by Lee Grady (10 Lies Men Believe) and how he was using that in a men's study.  He mentioned how some people believe it's not OK to receive teaching from a woman.  One of the pastors at the table said that while his church allows women to be pastors he didn't think it was good.  Joe asked if anyone thought it was OK to receive ministry from a woman and the pastors seemed to think this was OK. The woman mentioned an instance where she was ministering in a line for women in India where she gave them hugs.  She said all of a sudden, she noticed that Indian men were in her line (several of them) and she stopped ministry (smiling and laughing, she implied that their motives for hugs from her seemed suspect).  I like to see how people think about things like this, because I have a very different view of it.  I truly believe that yes, there are people with wrong motives for things - but that there are also many who are sincere in wanting ministry from the opposite sex because God shines and ministers through them in a way their spirit needs.  I'm still listening to Papa about it and sure enough, today, he was talking to me some more about what happened last night.

I have been talking to God about this for many years (see my blog entry in 2010). Today, God showed me another clue.  When Joe spoke to our lady guest about this, no one really disagreed with him or made a fuss, but there seemed to be a consensus attitude of discomfort with it (even from the woman herself). This didn't seem to ruffle Joe. In the woman's spirit - I could see a part of her that received Joe's words like refreshing living water. I am so thankful that Joe said that.  It was a word well spoken to her from the Lord. And it was good that Joe was bold to say it. 

I thought more about what it meant for a man specifically to tell a woman that she has value and gifting in an area culturally thought to belong predominantly to men. And to say it not caring what someone else might think, especially peers and with no other agenda than to support the truth.  I thought about all the times I could never receive those kind of words, yet a tiny part of me was always there, jumping up and down, longing to believe they may really really be true.

I believe men are fabulous (just as women are).  I love how God made male and female and how - when they are living into being who God made them - there is nothing more breathtaking on this earth! I need men to be who God has made them to be and I love supporting, celebrating and encouraging them in that. I want to see them be all that they can be because good things always happen when they are! I think back to a moment a couple of years ago - I was at a conference and we were all deep in worship and a man in front of me was worshipping in a way I had never seen before.  I literally could not ignore it and my spirit was lifted up to a whole new level of worship as well.  He was not paying attention to any one but God.  His voice was strong and clear and he sang and danced before the Lord with all his might. I felt as though I may have had a glimpse of what King David looked like worshipping God. I'll never forget that, it was the first time I believe I ever saw the power of a man in complete unabashed abandonment to God. It knocked me out.

Still looking forward to learning more about all this!

The Battle Is On!

Been in a time of fierce battle and learning.  Some of the toughest challenges I've ever had in my life have come to me within the last few months.  I would not trade one moment of it though.  Even as recent as the last few weeks me, my family and friends have been under attack (health, finances, jobs, etc...).  But one thing I've taken away in this time is that I can stand!  I am tenacious and have learned to be joyful on this battlefield.  I certainly still have my moments at times, but I am not daunted or discouraged.  My face set like flint - I am moving forward and taking ground!!

It has become an actual encouragement to my heart to see the enemy try so very hard now. He is worried and should be! He does not like ground lost, but all he has left to him are deception and distraction - so he is headed for BIG losses!!  When I'm focused and moving, he stands no chance!

For me, one of the biggest breakthroughs came recently when a situation that I've been under with a lot of stress changed almost over night.  I thought the worst, but kept plugging along putting it back into God's hands and low and behold - I not only benefited, I received favor from what looked like a completely hopeless situation!!! I actually gained BIG ground and saw the fruit of standing firm even when all looked its bleakest.  I've now seen this on so many fronts just within the last couple of weeks (money, jobs, health - praise God!). The biggest thing I've gained is a deeper trust in the Lord. I am moving in victory now and synergy.  Things that used to be lots of effort are now much easier and less tiring.  I can look at things knowing that the exact opposite can be true of what I think about any given situation.  So, my thinking about things is changing - not based on what I see, but what God says.  I love that!!  He is so faithful and knows just what it will take.

I'm looking forward to more joy in battle and seeing more strongholds fall.  They have to go - all things under the feet of Jesus.  God, make me an instrument of your Kingdom peace through joy filled battle!

LOVE - Living Optimistically Viewing Eternally

So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I'm a big believer in loving people.  I just don't believe in limiting it to one day!  Also, I have difficulty with the commercialization of love.  Being the rebel that I am - I just go out and love people every day to spite it!

So, where I think most people get into difficulty about love is when they mistake it for a feeling.  Love is not a feeling.  Our culture makes it very difficult by using the word love for a number of things (I do this too!).  We use it to describe affection, caring, romantic attachment, friendship, lust and liking.  It's really none of those things. Love is an action.  Love is a decision about our attitude - a determined lifestyle really - that we choose to believe the best about and act in accord with doing the best good for someone. Feelings may or may not attend and the person(s) we love may or may not act in ways that make them deserving of love in the world's eyes.  But true love is not based on receiving in order that it give.

The best demonstrater of love is God.  God loves because that is His nature.  He is love. He has done all that we could not (through Christ's death and resurrection) so that we can forever enjoy Him.  He loves unconditionally and His love transforms. The good news - God loves us that much.  If we are not falling down and crying with joy and gratefulness day and night at the goodness of that - then it can only be because we do not yet fully understand it in our hearts.

Lord - open our hearts to know with more fullness Your great love so that we may enjoy you more and be all that you've made us to be.  Your love is better than life.

"Do you think that I like to see wicked people die?..." ~ Ezekial 18:23

Ouch!  It really hurts to see hurting people hurt.  More on the Atheist encounters from earlier this month.   At first, when talking with Atheists I thought they were mean and nasty to anyone not in line with their beliefs, but they really are not any nicer or supportive to one another either.  It's pretty "cut throat" - the Atheist world.

I have a very deep sorrow about the people I've encountered on that blog.  Continuing to pray about them.  It's glaringly apparent what living in absolute denial of God can do.  I'm not saying that all those who claim to know God are any better.  Humans, we are just one messed up bunch.  But, there is a particular brand of dead bitterness of soul that I have never encountered before. These are deeply wounded people who don't even see how evident their hatred of God shows through their protestations of His non-existence.

I had an interesting exchange with a Muslim on the blog who was open to atheism.  He was sure that there were errors in the Bible and I mentioned that typically there was some misunderstanding that could be clarified by careful study of the original language.  He then asked me - "I remember reading a very peculiar cure for leprosy in the Bible which involved wiping the blood of doves on the leper or something like that. Do you know what I’m talking about?".  I noted a passage in Leviticus and paraphrased - "I have not seen the cure for leprosy that you describe, however, there is a ceremonial cleansing that takes place in Leviticus (Old Testament) after a person has been examined and found healed of a defiling skin disease. I believe it’s in Leviticus 14 and requires 2 birds - one to be killed and it’s blood mixed with water. The healed person is then sprinkled with the water 7 times and pronounced clean. This seems to be a way of publicly authorizing and announcing (a ceremony confirming status change) that a person previously unclean and outside the camp has been examined is clean and can now be inside the camp."

But then, God drew my attention to the passages in 2 Kings 5 about Naaman's real healing from leprosy.  I noted a paraphrased version of the passage to him in the blog - "The cure for leprosy that stands out in the Old Testament is where Naaman goes to see the prophet Elisha. Elisha sends his servant to tell Naaman to wash 7 times in the Jordan and his flesh will be restored and he will be cleansed. Naaman, interestingly enough, is very angry with this. He struggles with the fact that the prophet did not come out personally, call on God’s name and wave over the spot and cure him. Then he frets that other rivers outside of Israel are better than the Jordan to wash in and why couldn’t he be cleansed in one of those? Finally one of his servants talks to him about it - noting that if this prophet had told him to go out and do some big great thing, he would not have hesitated to do it. How much better is it that he just said to wash and be cleansed? After this,it said that Naaman went and did what the prophet said to do and his flesh was restored and became like that of a young boy."

The irony that God should have drawn my attention to that Naaman passage was not lost on me.  It so beautifully illustrated the problem.  People have a pre-conceived notion of what knowledge of and encounter with God should look like and what they will accept or not when it comes to it. Just like Naaman – humans are offended that God does not do what they believe He should in the way they think He should. They miss the point and opportunity. Naaman suspended his pride, rage and anger long enough to actually encounter the living God - and that changed everything.

Praying that those who do not know God will have their heart touched by Him and take the opportunity to know Him.  He's so amazing and worthy of all praise!!

The Papa's Girl

This week Papa has been on my mind.
My Dad had a trip to the emergency room last weekend and underwent an unexpected surgery on the neck (vertebrae) to prevent paralysis.  At the writing of this, he still has another surgery, but God has been so out ahead on everything and I am so thankful.  Just got off the phone with him and he's anxious to get back to his new puppy dog and the regular routine of home with his wife, friends and family.

Growing up, my Dad seemed like a giant of a man to me.  He was big and tall (6 ft 3) strong arms, a big deep voice and he liked to play and wrestle my brother and I on the living room floor. We had to be very quiet coming home from school every day as he was always sleeping and worked nights. You could hear him all over the house - his bass voice shaking the walls  - as he sang in the shower, "AS I WALKED OUT ON THE STREETS OF LAREDO.  AS I WALKED OUT ON LAREDO ONE DAY, I SPIED A YOUNG COWBOY ALL WRAPPED IN WHITE LINEN, WRAPPED IN WHITE LINEN AS COLD AS THE CLAY".  Some of the most fun and memorable times for me were when our Dad would take us (my brother and I) swimming at the pool or beach. He could hold his breath so long and just lay on the bottom of the pool, then he'd rush up from underneath and throw you into the air and down you'd splash!  Since we were swimmers it was always fun.  He'd give us rides on his back in the pool too (like a dolphin!).  And, when we'd go to the beach, he'd swim way out and bring us back shells, sand dollars and even a horseshoe crab once.  Some of the other favorite times with Dad were family camping.  We'd all go together with my aunt, uncle and cousins and tent camp in places like Mammoth and June Lake.  We made trips on our own or with our scout troops to Joshua Tree, the Grand Canyon, O'Neill Park, Trabuco Canyon and other parks.  We had a little green 66 Volkswagen Beetle that had a special rack on top and my Dad (who was very good at packing, rope and knots) would tie our camp kitchen (a hinged box he made to carry our dry goods, stove, pans and kitchen camp things) along with all of our camp gear surrounded by a heavy tarp. We'd find our camp, pitch our tents, set up our bags and kitchen.  We'd hike and Dad, my brother, cousins and uncle would fish.   It was some of the best times of our lives.  We'd sing around the campfire, play games and make S'more's.  I love my Dad and am thankful for a wonderful childhood with him.  My Dad didn't always make good choices, but I love him dearly, despite his failings. I learned that I have failings just like he does and though he hurt our family very deeply, I learned that I could forgive him and love him, just like my heavenly father does me!

I have another Papa too - God's so good to me!  I've been praying for this papa too as he goes about his life. For many years now I've had a spiritual Father who has taught, encouraged, modeled, facilitated and just plain been a joy to my heart. He's taught me Father God's heart of love and healing!  Pastor Joe Johnson is an amazing gift from God.  I'm so thankful I've had a chance to learn from him, be encouraged by him, and grow up in Christ along side him.  But more than anything - I just really love him for him (he's really hilarious - ask him to tell an Ole and Sven joke or put on his dreadlocks or just hear him laugh - your laugh is healing Joe!!).  His Father Heart anointing is such an outflow of who he is and the joy of Jesus just shines out of every pore. In later years, his ministry "Heart of the Father" (of course, what else!) has brought love, healing and hope to so many hurting people. God uses him to break off chains and free people.  He is also equipped to equip the body as well as heal (what a great combo that God uses so wonderfully). I always sort of can't believe that I am fortunate enough to know him, let alone be friends with him.  The longer I know him, the more I come to appreciate so many things about who he is (some he's not even aware of!). He's always learning, growing and trying new things - listening to Papa and Jesus for guidance and more than anything - he's always doing his best to be himself and enjoy God more.  I think of all things, this one thing was what made me like him so very much and want to learn from him.  I've struggled to be me and know God.  Joe has given me the freedom to be myself more and helped me walk closer to God than ever.  I've been so blessed to travel with him to Norway, Tucson, and parts of California. What a great Papa he has always been to me.  I pray for many more years of enjoying him.

Last, but certainly not least - I have an amazing Father in Heaven.  He is constantly revealing more of who He is and His heart to me and the world.  He delights in me - smiles when I spend time with Him (His smile is quite brilliant too!).  He tells me I'm His baby girl and loves to listen when I share my dreams and hopes - He encourages me and tells me I can! He provides everything I need - abundantly!!  He holds my hands as I walk.  I always want to do my very best for Him - not because I fear Him, but because He's so wonderful, I never want to disappoint Him.  I do fear His awesome power and holiness - but He shows me I'm becoming more like Jesus and He's making me able in everything He wants - to shine glory on Jesus.  He sings and dances over me.  He lifts me up and holds me close - comforting me.  He invites me into His throne room and I am his beloved child, welcome to come to Him and sit with Him snuggled up by His side.  I love being with Him and that He gave us Jesus.  He tells the most wonderful things about Jesus and I love to watch His eyes when He does.  They're so full of love - like when He looks at me.

Papas - our world so needs papas.  So thankful for ALL of mine!!