Worship

Dancing with abandon - that always reminds me of worship. The word "abandon" - that's a great word to focus on when worshipping God.  That's letting go of self and giving all to Him and not caring about anything else!  Doesn't He deserve our very best?  I mean, He paid every price so that we could be one with Him.  We can't get the magnitude of it - God actually wants to be one with us!  STOP - really really sit there with that a moment.  Beyond what He did to accomplish that, that one thing is the most amazing thought I'll ever have. I can't quite wrap my brain around it - completely unfathomable.  The love He has for us - words really show their limitations here.  He won't love us better when we manage to be better.  He won't ever stop loving us even if we never decide to come to Him.  Nothing we do or do not do will ever change His love, for us.  We can't earn it, can't deserve it - but He gives it without measure because that's just the way He is. THAT is immense.  He loves completely - no ifs, ands or buts about it.  There's no catch, no con, no fine print, no strings, no holds barred. His love is absolute, total, actual, all out, assured, categorical, certain, clear, complete, decisive, definite, downright, entire, explicit, final, flat out, full, genuine, indubitable, open, out-and-out, outright, plenary, positive, straight out, thorough, throughgoing, unconstrained, unequivocal, unlimited, unmistakable, unmitigated, unqualified, unquestionable, unreserved, unrestricted, utter, whole, wide - it's authentically Him.  I just fall down and cry my eyes out about that.  I want all that back to Him - only I know I'm not there in giving it.  He knows, it never fazes Him or His love. He's bringing His beloved into loving Him with His love.  We are becoming and yet already are.  He makes us able in Him and Him in us.   Only God can properly love God.  To be honored to be in the midst,  it's just unspeakably amazing.  Worship - adoring God in and from God - that's spirit and truth.  It's so much more than dancing or singing - it's BEING - solely for Him. 

Learning that, I'll never get tired of it.

Prayer

So, yes, prayer - communicating/relationship with God - listening, talking, being with Him - a commitment, mindset, lifestyle.

Big question is always - Is there a right way to do it?

Good motives - to connect with God and align with His will and in obedience to Him. Poor motives - to look spiritual or selfish/mean intent.

At the core of it - prayer (communicating with God) is part of our relationship with Him and develops more powerfully, deeply and intimately with our frequent engagement. Good relationships don't just happen - they are developed through spending lots of time together, open, wholehearted, talking from the heart and attentive listening and doing things together and for one another, in all sorts of seasons, circumstances and moods (through thick and thin). God told us to pray without ceasing - how astounding that the almighty creator of all things wants to engage personally with us all the time (sometimes we forget the immensity of that).

We are growing up into all things in Christ and the Holy Spirit is helping us to know God better in that process. Knowing God's will and praying in line with it is how we pray effectively in power fulfilling Kingdom
purposes. We don't know God's will perfectly yet, but God tells us how we can be able to in Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Did you know we can bless God's heart?  We can!  The bible says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God".  So, that means, the only thing that pleases Him is trusting Him and coming to Him. It's interesting, when you study the word of God and then walk out the truth of it's promises in your every day circumstances (in faith) - you get to know the truth experientially and it blesses God's heart.  Last year, we treated my daughter-in-law (Ayako) to a Kayak tour of La Jolla Cove (just the girls) for her birthday.  I and my two daughters (Crystal and Taylor) met her at the cove and we set off to enjoy the tour.  The day was a bit windy and the cove was very choppy.  I took my car keys with me in a zip baggie, stuffed inside a deep jacket pocket.  Crystal and Ayako made it out past the breakers.  Taylor and I had more of a struggle.  Taylor went over once.  I went over twice and on the second time I noticed - KEYS GONE!  (My oldest daughter Crystal loves to remind me that she told me to put them in a locker). So, I'm an hour plus from my house where another set sits. My hubby is working far away (oh and we don't do cell phones).  Crystal and Ayako are in the cove in kayaks - no way to get their cars on the road to get the keys at home. Hmmm...doesn't look good. So, what do I do? Ok, nice guy from our kayak rental offers to swim out and try to find em. Very kind. Thankful for him. At that point I take one look at that huge cove and the one guy swimming and say, "Ok God - I'm your child - you know where my keys are and you can get them back to me" "You God have every means at your disposal" "Lord, when you told Peter to go catch a fish and the first one he would catch would have a coin in it's mouth to pay the taxes - Jesus, I know you can do that or something like it to get my keys to me". "I'm trusting you that you will bring them to me before it is time to leave for home today because you love me and you told me to trust you and ask you when I need help - so I'm trusting you now". Now, at that point, I did not stop looking for my keys.  And, I repeated the same words over and over. I thought perhaps God would wash my keys back into shore - so I strolled along the beach in the waves back and forth for about 10 minutes. I felt very sorry for the guy who offered to help search as there was no where to even start looking, so, I thanked him and asked him to stop and not worry about it anymore. Meanwhile, my youngest daughter, Taylor, comes back in. She'd gotten out with Ayako and Crystal, but had a terrible splitting headache come over her (she gets motion sickness fairly easily) so came back to shore. As she came in, she said to me, "Hey, mom, Ayako's got your keys". I said, "WHAT?!" She said, "Yeah, Ayako wanted me to let you know that she's got your keys and not to worry about them". I asked her how. She didn't know. I was praising God as Taylor and I walk back to the rental store and wait for Crystal and Ayako to finish their tour of the cove. When they came in, my daughter-in-law unzipped her pant leg pocket and handed me my keys, still in their flattened plastic bag. I asked her how she got them. She told me that once they had gotten way out there, the guide had them stop and was showing them some of the fish and various things under the water. Someone out there swimming came up to them and held up my keys and asked if they belonged to any of them. My daughter in law recognized my company key chain and said, "Hey those belong to my mom". Talking to God - believing Him and His promises - blessed Him and blessed me! Love to experience the power of God in circumstances.

Aslan is on the move - see Him everywhere!

Perfect in Weakness

Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Today, while I was in quiet, God reminded me that his power is made perfect in my weakness.  Sometimes I struggle with letting go.  But, I see that when I submit I walk with him in victory.  I cannot take over and have any victory at all.  He specifically shows power through my weakness.  I can do nothing in and of myself, I am wholeley and completely reliant upon God.  He's helping me to learn how glad I can be of that.  I will be resented, rejected and reviled.  I can actually be glad in that.  Those are moments to rest in the sureness of His power. 

I was not sure how walking in this season of my life would be.  It seemed very painful at first, but, I'm seeing Christ so much clearer now and seeing where He's pointing me.  That's exciting.  Looking forward to more of that.  He's so worthy and I'm thankful to grow in knowing Him here.  It's so counterintuitive to the world's thinking.  Somehow - that's what makes it even more reassuring.  So interesting - the things I think with my old mind set are always wrong.  The mind of Christ - Wow, there are no words.

Serious Joy

Did you know joy was serious?  Seems like an oxymoron.  Little grandbaby here - seriously, joy of our lives.  We are so looking forward to him.  He is very precious and much beloved already.

Having joy adds so much to our lives, but more than that, it is a discipline that must intentionally be persued. 

Nehemiah 8:10 ~ Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

This day is holy to our Lord - do not grieve for the joy of the LORD is your strength.  Relationship and intimacy with Christ can't help but have deep joy attached to it.  In Nehemiah's day, intimacy with God was not as it is today for believers.  Men and Women of his day could only ever hope for an encounter with God through someone who had the Holy Spirit upon them - though God was always present.  Today, every believer has the Holy Spirit living inside them.  In Nehemiah's day - the people had festivals, read scriptures and celebrated for days - booths away from their homes - special set aside times - this brought them the remembrance of why they could be joyful and it was an offering of a sort.  Today, every day is a day of celebration - we are a new creation living Christ from the inside out.  Our joy is complete. Trouble is, believers are not living in joy.  What happened?  Many in Christ do not understand that this is one of the things worked out with fear and trembling - living out our salvation reality. If we really understood who we are and what it means to live in Christ with Christ in us - we would be over the top THE MOST JOYFUL people on the face of the Earth.  Again, it is an offering - a decision we make.  We get to live joyfully in light of all the Christ has done and is for us.

Believers need to persue joy with intention.  It should be a discipline that takes priority, just as rest and peace are disciplines that believers live from in Christ.  In the times we are in - this is a serious matter - not just an optional consideration. 

Hebrews 12:1-3 ~ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Jesus - for the JOY set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  We get that kind of power in his joy and are seated in heavenly realms with Christ.  We will endure difficult things to give us the opportunity to exercise our joy - strengthening us. 

We have lots to be joyful about - I want to find every bit in every day.  Joy over you!

The Southern California Coastal Plastic Hippo

I am having the most wonderful opportunity of my life.  Here I am, I'm walking.  I have completely no understanding for what I'm moving into. I can't see it in my natural mind in any way that makes sense to me.  I'm assigned to walk with people who speak a completely different language  - I think we share about 8 words in common - though we each have a heart for each other.  And while I find that curious, I am committed to walk with no expectations of them whatsoever.  All I know is that I have my part, I have territory to take and establish and I get to do it with a band on the same road as me.

You see the plastic Hippo?  I love that Hippo.  It represents so much to me.  That Hippo is actually a great symbol.  My husband, daughter Crissy, and daughter in law Ayako went for a hike in La Jolla in March and we found it near the tide pools in the rocks.  You can even see the sand clinging to it.  We thought it was the funniest thing.  There amongst all the beautiful natural setting - the rocks, tide pools, sea stars, little green crabs - there is this plastic toy - a hippo on the sea shores of California. How unlikely a thing to find it there.  Plastic hippo on the sea shores of California - that's me right now.  I'm completely out of place in the natural, I have no natural relationship to my surroundings.  I'm abiding, walking, but staying right there - outside of all reason and sense.  God's bringing something here very special that can't be had in any other way, at any other place or in any other time.  I will not leave this beach until He has given all that He wants me to have and has done all that He will for His own glory through me.  I will be gracious, wholehearted and full of joy.  I will show up enthusiastically and committed.  Because I am focused on staying in the development of a deepening relationship with Jesus.

On the ground - I am am creative and will enjoy every drop of fun in the midst.  I get to. There are giants in the land.  Those giants can't stand - they must fall.  Hippos are very very dangerous - especially when provoked and underestimated (and particularly little tiny plastic ones  :D).

People

People, I marvel at the diversity God has put into people.  Whether they're introverts, extroverts, famous, obscure, flamboyant, humble, tight or loose - the variety is astounding.  I am in the midst of learning more about how to see people and what my part of interacting with them is. 

I find it very interesting that while I learn lots from people who connect with me in very real and deep ways, I also learn a whole lot from those who are very difficult for me to connect with and who I have no natural affinity for.  In the past, I would avoid people who offended, were just too problematic or who I absolutely had no values in common with.  Over time, I've seen that God has purposely put people in my path who I have no love for in my natural self and who do not flow in line with me easily.  He's done this because I must learn to live into the Christ in me loving them. This is proving the glory of God.  I can no longer back away or avoid them.  They are special and precious opportunities.  If Christ is big and overcoming and amazing (as we know He is) then He is all of those things in me - and particularly where I (in my flesh) have a propensity to take offense.  I must choose not to live in my old flesh nature and instead see with Jesus' eyes those giftings, potential and (barring the ability to see any redeeming thing whatever) love them because that's who Jesus is in me!  Even if they never change.  Even if they intend to hurt or harm me.  Even if they make things difficult for me.  Even if they remain in their sins or choose vile things.  I'm so thankful that God loves me though I'm vile and sin - I get to love the same way He does, because He's the one in me doing it.  And, it 's powerful to live this way.  It means that what people do or do not do has no bearing on my direction, intention, actions or attitude.  That means I can actually focus on positive and good things that keep me at peace - I focus on God. 

This is something that definitely takes practice.  Lucky me, I have a whole world to practice on.  Abundant are the individuals who will make my flesh crazy (it's like a little blinking neon sign - "Here - Right Here - Opportunity to Love").  But abundant then are those precious opportunities to see with right eyes.  Judgment has been taken care of at the cross.  None of us (no not one) can live in any way deserving of God's great gift to us.  He is the one who has done everything needed to take us out of sin and make us able to have relationship with Him.  Our whole life is the greatest of opportunities to display the power and truth of Christ in His people on the Earth.  That is a very great priviledge and I want to live into valuing and honoring it more.

Looking for the things Jesus sees when He looks at people, what an interesting and fantastic journey this is!

Intimacy

Finding out some interesting things about intimacy.  Did you know that if you lack intimacy you will fill the need for it with other things?  Oh, yes you will!  Human beings are made for intimacy. It can be particularly painful and harmful when people form misperceptions that keep them from appropriately engaging intimately.  It affects their ability to connect with God, other people and themselves. 

Take me, for instance, I had good parents who loved me. However, I had terrible ear infections from the time I was a baby until well into my teen years.  Part of what I discovered about how I perceived myself as a result of those ear infections is that, though my parents took very good care of me and got me medical care and tended to me - at some point during my many bouts with illness I would cry, quite a lot, seemed like hours (my ear infections were particularly painful).  And, until the meds would take effect (sometimes a couple of days) there was really nothing my parents could do to take the pain away or stop me from crying. I can imagine how hard that was for them and how, even if they never intended it, they could have become very weary, irritated and impatient. As a small child this left me with several faulty beliefs about me, some of which were - "you are too much", "you have to be perfect to be loved", "you have to take care of yourself", and "it's not OK to cry".  Those beliefs (and many others) have affected my life and interactions with others. I'm really still finding out how they have. While I have friends and love people very much - I am very limited in how trusting I am with people. I have a much harder time receiving from others than I do giving to others. Letting things go, making mistakes, being embarrassed in a public way - these have been things I've dreaded and the fear of them have kept me from doing things I really want to do. This blog - admitting things in writing in a public way would have been the last thing I ever would have done prior to some of the healing I've received.  Even with healing, I find that I still hesitate in some areas.  But, the need for intimacy does not just go away, despite fears.  I find some of the ways I compensate are to spend time on Face Book. Sometimes food becomes a way.  Rescuing work situations and being perfect (or at least trying to appear to be) were also ways I've tried to fill the need for intimacy.  Some ways I see others fill it - for men, it can be sexual addictions, for women, relationship addictions (I have some of this myself), with both men and women it can be gambling, games, and obsessions and addictions of all kinds.

So, what does proper intimacy look like?  I'm no expert and still have a lot to learn, but my perception of it is being able at all times to be myself authentically and wholeheartedly without having to control or be perfect or worry about failure, rejection or judgement.  Oh and being open to connect with others - and especially God.  We become our true self in intimacy with God.  He made us for Himself - not for ourselves.  But, we do live as though we are made for ourselves - part of "the fall" selfishness. Please do not equate intimacy with God to religion, it is not. It is relationship not a rule book. We will only be truly ourselves in knowing, loving and beholding God.  Intimacy with Him brings freedom from self centeredness and the only true happiness we can know (see my blog entry on design). 

Looking forward to growing, healing and learning more about all of that!