Unlikely Heroes

I was reading through Matthew again this week and in going through the ancestors of Jesus I stopped at Salmon and Boaz.  For those who read the Bible and remember, Boaz became the husband of Ruth, the Moabitess.  I was thinking about this and decided to read the book of Ruth again.

It struck me how Ruth, though she was from Moab, when her husband (who was an Israelite) died – did not wish to stay with her birth family/country – but went on alone together with her widowed mother-in-law Naomi back to Israel.  Her widowed sister-in-law Orpah returned to family in Moab, but, Ruth did not.  You can see it was a strong desire and conviction on her part – to go forward to a land (one that Naomi and her husband had left to come to Moab because of famine) and make Naomi’s people her people and their God her God.  That took great courage.  Not knowing if she would ever be accepted, but risking everything to stand true to God and her husband’s mother.  She showed determination and great fortitude to do this.

The other thing that stood out to me was Boaz.  He was an older man – well respected and established in the community.  When he sees Ruth in his harvest field and hears about her story – he immediately has respect and compassion for her.  It would have been enough that Boaz found her unswerving faithfulness to her widowed mother-in-law (who is a relative of his) admirable – but, he favors Ruth very quickly and obviously.   He asks her to stay in his fields and not to go to others – he notes that his girls and people will protect her and she can stay harvesting behind and with his girls.  He then speaks aside to his men and asks them to not be harsh with her for gleaning and to allow her, even if it’s too close within the area they are still cutting the grain, and tells them to actually pull out and leave extra good grain stalks for her to pick up.  This is an immediate reaction by him.  I got to wondering why a man of such standing would even take notice of this woman or be so favorable so immediately to her.  Then, I remembered – as I was reading the ancestors I saw that Boaz’s mother was Rahab and it clicked. 

Though scholars dispute that Rahab, Boaz’s mother, is actually the same Rahab the harlot  that housed, hid and informed the spies of Israel about her city at Jericho, and who was spared along with her family because of it when Israel defeated Jericho – it would seem really possible that she was the same woman.  Wouldn’t that be just like God? His counter-intuitive way of weaving all sorts of people in and through Jesus’ ancestry.  Proves again God is not scared of our blatant and shameful sin (even to Christ’s human lineage).  It also would explain why Ruth may have found such immediate acceptance and protection by Boaz – even to the point of his doing everything necessary to marry her (though it meant carrying on her dead husband’s family line through her and potentially entangling his own family and property).  What a theme – two foreign women who saw immediately that embracing and holding fast to God (and His people), though He was foreign to their people, was worth risking everything.  Makes you think - could we be heroes?  I mean, the odds for them were never really good in their culture, but God.  They saw Him and what He offered and they (for their part) accepted Him and stood fast on that through swirling circumstances.  It's funny, it made them heroes, really.  The same is open to us! Trusting Him over everything else through it all.  He proved the very best risk and both of them (Ruth and Rahab) are referred to in Jesus’ ancestry!

I always find it fascinating, looking back on human history in the Bible, to see how God is so intricately and intimately involved.  Humans have their part, but, God has always known how to make tragedy into treasure.  Where those who see God's offer to them act and stand upon it - He makes them to be heroes in that partnership.  He’s done it before countless times and continues on making the most unlikely of heroes.

A Picture is Worth How Many Words?

I love working with words, they’re like little messengers.  Crafting them into brilliant combinations that move, inform and encourage – it’s a passion of mine.

However, there are visual things words have no ability to adequately capture or convey.  Things like the grandeur, awe and beauty in nature, seeing delight in someone's eyes, the over the top wonder of babies and small children. Visual ques go straight to work on us and affect us directly.  Just as with anything – some things are very good and wholesome and exposing our eyes and brains to them can be calming, uplifting, enlivening, refreshing and healthy.   They can also, inform, convict and motivate us to action for things needed.  And, some things are not good and may be divisive – exposing our eyes to them may stimulate us, but, the effect is un-wholesome and ultimately destructive.

Art can be like that.  It is really good at reaching us in a non-verbal way.  Conveying thoughts, emotions and information in a way that goes quickly to our brain without our real awareness about it.  The wonderful oil painting above is by a friend, Mark Dahle (I’ll tell you the name of it at the end of this post).  When I first saw it I was fortunate to get to see the live painting up close and I had a very interesting experience.  I had not been much of an abstract art fan.  I figured people who liked it just had a very different set of eyes and taste from mine. I could never really see what people enjoyed about it. Then, I had an opportunity to really sit and look at some good abstract work and it became clear to me that I had been missing something.  I never really took the time to both look and see thoroughly.  Because I could not find anything recognizable in them – I had pretty much dismissed abstract works.  When I sat with this painting for the first time, the sense I had from it was that it was actually saying something to me – talking.   Seems funny – it was a communication style I had no real experience with previously – not like words from a mouth or on a page or talking in any sense with sound or language or even thoughts.  But the best I can describe it (with words) is that it was talking to me.  I don’t know what it was saying, but the sense of it was kind and the tonal quality was both deep and bright and animated.   As I looked at this work, there were areas that drew my eyes again and again. Blue and white areas toward the upper center left of the painting, a yellow triangle almost at the edge of the canvas on the right about half way up as well as the yellow motion sensation all across it and a few other areas that always catch at my eyes.  I found it a one of a kind experience just to view it.  It left me with an uplifted sensation and I still take time to look at a photo of it now and then for periods of time - funny thing, it’s still talkin! J  Its effect on me is like that of a field of bright cheery flowers – you see those and it just makes you smile inside.   

I believe, as with many things, abstract art is part what you observe mixed with what you yourself bring to it.  Various people will take away various things because they all notice different things about the work and bring something different in and of themselves to it.  If you like, try it,  take time to look at the painting and see it.  Afterward – notice how it affected you.  It may be very different from what I experienced and that is completely legit.  You can do this with various abstract works to see the various results you may get.  I usually have a better experience with live paintings in person than in an electronic image.  It’s pretty fun, actually.  I’ve been to many famous museums and seen very great works; it’s fascinating how different each of them is.

Our world is filled with many visual things all vying for our attention.  Some are very healthy and good and some are not.  All of them affect us subconsciously - some rather insidiously.  It is important to be aware that while words can influence us – the visual images we allow through our eyes do so even more quickly, strongly and below our conscious awareness.  Its one reason advertisers and movie and television producers use sexualized images of women and other subconscious inducements, and carefully craft what they present – nothing is by chance. It’s up to us to intentionally guard our eyes as they are a direct gateway to our brain and mind.   It can sometimes be tricky to look at some things and have a sense of whether or not they are harmful.  It may be helpful to: 1. Know the source – sometimes knowing what’s behind something can help us discern the motives involved.  2. Make a concerted effort to notice how it affects you – if you’re put in states of mind that are causing problems it may not be for you.

I believe God is releasing many artistic individuals in their gifting to create all sorts of works that stir responses of honor, joy, love, purity and goodness in our world via many things we see all around us every day.  Take some time to take notice of them and buy and gift the ones that are promoting and perpetuating good things.  Additionally, it’s a time where taking time to expose our eyes to expanses of nature and interaction with live human faces and uplifting real visuals vs. electronics and virtual visuals should be intentional on our part.  Our brains know the difference.  Take time to nourish your vision and brain with something uplifting and good!

Thank you, Mark, for allowing me to use an image of your painting. 

Creation: The Fifth Day - In The Air. © Mark Dahle 1992

Kingdom Glory or Zombie Apocalypse?

The last few nights I’ve been woken up by images and thoughts.  I’ve tried to return to sleep, but finally tonight I’m praying and just up writing out what I received.  Kingdom Glory or Zombie Apocalypse?  You have a choice to inhabit the existence of one or the other - both do exist.  While it seems these are polar opposites (and they are) – they will and do in fact both occupy the same time in history - now.  Oh, you didn’t think the Zombie Apocalypse was real?  It’s real – take a good look at the souls out and around you in society and the world.  Do you see a trend?   It may not be manifest in the way popular movies and video games portray Zombies - all horrific dead, rotting walking corpses, however Zombies are real. 

So, the good news – just as Zombies are real, so also Champion Overcoming Warrior Children of God are real!  And honestly, it’s not really a fair match up at all!  The souls of human beings are literally being transformed into one of two things and the dividing line is so clear in our times.  People are either rejecting their old lie of a “self” life and embracing true life (oneness in God) provided through Christ Jesus and growing as a glorious Kingdom Ambassador and Child of God - one who knows God has rescued them from their dead worthless self existence and ways and made them completely new and crazy good in Him – His cleansed mirror images, reflecting Him – shine meisters!  One who now constantly continues to receive and pour back out His life in greater measure, practicing the life of God – in the unique, singular “one of a kind” way that they have been designed to shine Him in the world in their sphere of influence and in oneness with others in God's Family.  A life of interacting with, loving and worshipping Him every moment and letting that flow out in strong protector characteristics – aligned with God’s will and other Kingdom People in community, healing the sick, raising the dead and casting out demons, bringing help and life to widows, orphans and the down trodden of our world in just their every-day life.  Those who shed abundant bright light and life everywhere they go as an outflow of the love of God flowing in and through them – these are Kingdom people and they bring the Kingdom with them – they literally shine the light of heaven, bring Heaven to Earth.  Love is their authentic currency.  Joy and Peace are the hallmark and calling card of these people and markedly exist in every interaction through deepest challenge to greatest triumph!  Every challenge becomes just another proving ground to them of the true and real “Can’t get to the bottom of it” evidence of the Goodness of who God really is!  These are no victims of the world or society.  They know in whom their life is established and they do not fear physical death nor are they overcome by the schemes of the enemy.  They stand blazing glorious for the one worthy of all glory.

Those on their way to or in full Zombie mode (dead rotting souls) have sold out (bought in to the lie and deception) and go on to live out the bent and ever further bending of their original design, personhood and soul into unrecognizable death and dark monstrous contortions.  It may start out very slight almost un-noticeable to untrained eyes – this veering further away from God’s life.  The bend may be very slight in the beginning, but anyone who has seen the ending trajectory knows it is always completely far far away from the Plumb-line – the true perfect straight line.   Some even believe they can somehow change their mind and turn it around at the 11^th hour of their life and come back to God (they’re deceived in thinking they somehow may be able to know how and when they’ll die).  The truth is – there comes a point where people are not even aware they’ve reached a point that they can’t change their minds.  They’ve so repeatedly kept on in the same direction that it’s impossible for them to do it and they’re lulled all along by this lie that they think they can do it at the end.  God’s mercy allows some to actually come to Him, but, others have so thoroughly embraced the lie that their conscience is burned and scarred – no longer able to receive God’s goodness to them.   Eventually, they come to a point where they are no longer living in any real way.   They have moved so far away from real life, finding it very normal to practice and participate in death, that they've lost the ability to accept life in themselves.  They are dead yet still exist, roaming the earth– warped predatory loathing and self-filled consuming machines – bereft of real love, compassion, joy, peace or any semblance of mercy or original human design.  They try to devour all in their path, hoping their prey will satisfy the empty despairing void inside– but, it never does.   Do you see the reality of Zombies yet? Many can be rescued – cured of this Zombification if they turn in time and give up embracing the self-lie and embrace instead God’s amazing and available offer of oneness with Him in Sonship.

The question to ask – am I aware of what track I’m on?   Relying on me and my wants and felt entitlements and abilities = Zombie-Ville.   Giving my life to God and trusting Him, enjoying knowing Him and loving Him and others more, walking in all that Jesus died to give me on the cross and putting off the old dead self and putting on the new bright amazing life of God, His heart and mind, uniquely in the way only I’m designed to wear it in this world and forever = Amazing Kingdom Child of God. 

Are you headed for Zombie Ville? Take note of the road you are on and then take seriously the invitation of God (He'll never force you, but, you don't want to miss this train!).  Don't wait, times are unsure and things happen quickly!  Choose you this day whom you will serve.  He’s more glorious and wonderful than you know and He loves you and has been waiting for you to turn to Him.  

 Proverbs 16:25 The Message (MSG)

²⁵ There’s a way that looks harmless enough;
    look again—it leads straight to hell.

 Proverbs 12:28 New Life Version (NLV)

²⁸ Life is in the way of those who are right with God, and in its path there is no death.

 Matthew 7:13-14 New Life Version (NLV)

¹³ “Go in through the narrow door. The door is wide and the road is easy that leads to hell. Many people are going through that door. ¹⁴ But the door is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life that lasts forever. Few people are finding it.

 Matthew 24:10-13 New Life Version (NLV)

¹⁰ Many people will give up and turn away at this time. People will hand over each other. They will hate each other. ¹¹ Many false religious teachers will come. They will fool many people and will turn them to the wrong way. ¹² Because of people breaking the laws and sin being everywhere, the love in the hearts of many people will become cold. ¹³ But the one who stays true to the end will be saved.

Flank Moves

As I was waking today an image came to me of a very great fortified front door to a house. The people inside had the door barred, locked, re-enforced with steel, bolted into the wall, and all the area out front of the door was looped with barbed wire rolls. Same was true of the back door. No one was getting in either door and those inside had guns at the ready to pick off anyone who would try to bulldoze through. Anyone who was going to come straight up in attack was considered an enemy and fair game to kill off. It symbolizes people and their attitudes today with their beliefs. And, it literally demonstrates why someone who tries to shout down another person’s views will never penetrate with an argument direct against the view. The houses are lined up and the defenses of the doors are all fortified, locked tight and secure – people are sitting inside with fear and anger lookin out their windows, some yelling out of them trying to pick a fight with murder in their heart. Some actually hope someone will try to come at them so they can spit in their eye with hate and self-righteousness.

I have been thinking about Jesus and how He handled people’s beliefs so differently. He was not interested in battling people in really direct ways, though he did directly address the Pharisees and religious leadership of Israel who were supposed to stand as God’s representatives on more than one occasion. He knew what people were bound by. Of course, He, being the most brilliant man who has ever lived – he has such a way of getting to the heart of things via means that never even needs doors. He is the door. He’d figuratively climb a 4th story and enter a bathroom window in his ways of walking with people and telling stories that always disarmed them, got behind their defenses and entrenched fortified beliefs to their heart. And, it was never from a motive to be right and highlight other's wrongness. He’d literally show people their heart – in love, because He really cared about them. Some saw and recognized their need and knew they wanted to follow Him and give Him their lives. Others, they saw what Jesus meant, but, they trusted their beliefs more than they trusted Him. It’s the same today.

I’m always interested in how the church handles this today. I see a lot of faith families say they are operating in grace and that they will not beat the sheep up in stressing the 10 commandments. Some of those same faith families then turn around and give lists to their congregations to check off in order to exhibit they are a good follower of Christ. There’s nothing wrong with being mindful of Jesus’ heart and what He did. But, they’re not so interested in helping people, as Jesus did, to walk with them, connect and love them in showing them their own heart – to fight for them. The lists always strike me as the way the Pharisees did things. They had copious lists of do’s and don’ts. They took great pride in touting their ability to keep all the standards outwardly of those lists and beat people mercilessly when they could not comply. Jesus called them “white-washed tombs” and then He went to the cross and died for them, asking His Father to forgive them because they didn’t know what they were doing. Jesus came along and He turned the whole system upside down. He said things like,“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5:21-22). Jesus took what was behind the law (the living spirit of it) that had been given and held a mirror up to the heart. His actual fulfillment of the law was the transformation and empowerment of those who gave themselves to Him (trusting His shed life) to live out life naturally in accord with the law – the desires of their hearts made new. He never even went at any fortified door – he made a flank move to the heart of things. He knew how to go around things to help people see their own true condition from a different side.

I’m certainly a person who has tried to hit that fortified front door with people. I’ve done the silly arguing directly with people thinking that because I’m so right that somehow my sincere and passionate argument will persuade them to see things my way. And, then I’ve also gone further in dismissing those who disagree and basically de-humanized them in my mind so that I don’t have to feel the pain of rejection from an actual real person in opposition to me (seems to feel so much safer that way). I have been as silly as the rest. But, I am believing that Jesus will continue to grow in my heart the ability to walk and think as He does. He promised if I give Him my life that He would and He always keeps His promises. He’s transformed and continues transforming me to really see people and their worth and value, especially when they don’t agree with me and to remain compassionate and loving toward them, wanting good for them even if we never see eye to eye, even if they hate me. To really look at issues and people for the heart of things – He’s always so good at teaching me that.

I think about the war on terror and the war how we treat one another. These are wars that can never be won with arms and killing or hate speech and de-humanizing or dismissing others. These are wars for hearts and minds. Every person has their own free will and not all will see truth and embrace it. But, it’s amazing how when people really know deep in their heart that someone is for them that just sometimes a real window is open. Manipulating to simply have an outcome – that is a false victory and it will never really last. Connecting in the midst and valuing, belonging, embracing people in the midst – fighting for someone instead of against them, I am learning that and I want to learn that better. I don’t want a list of do’s and don’ts to check off as a follower of Jesus to feel I’m good. I don’t want to help orphans in Ethiopia or feed the poor and feel content that I’ve made it and hit the standard. I don't want to be guilted or shamed into behaving better. I want to want what is good. I want to recognize where I’m living from my old dead nasty heart of flesh and turn and live instead from my new normal inclination to love from my real heart, the one Jesus gave me. I can’t do it with lists. I pray and step out to continue to grow up in the new nature Jesus died to give me - He's so good at walking it with me, such an encouragement. To love in real ways by being real and by Jesus’ life in me, overcoming. He keeps showing me my heart, with love and I'm leaning in to transformation. I’m excited and the days are coming when the fullness of Jeremiah 31:33-34 written on hearts will come to pass -

“This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel
after that time,” declares the Lord.
“I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.

No longer will they teach their neighbor,
or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,”
declares the Lord.
“For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more.”

Women Marching or Dancing?

I was reading remarks about the Women’s march on Washington today.  I understand all about the divide in women and the offense taken by both sides around many issues, but especially abortion.

Something that struck me is that I see the same old pattern in conversations, remarks and attitudes.  Both sides are trying to shame, blame and are hate filled toward one another – thinking that belittling and beating the other up with their “brand” of right should automatically fix the situation or somehow persuade the other side that they are wrong and to fall in line with them.  As it was in 2014, when I wrote my blog post “Invitation to Dance With Love” about men and women in this type of battle, the same thing is true here and in so many other of our society’s issues – we need a re-framing of this whole conversation. 

First, let’s take a look at a big part of what’s happening.  FEAR!  It’s the biggest part of the entire situation on both sides.  Fears on one side that women are devalued, unheard, victims, abused, without rights, pawns, marginalized, locked down, unfairly compensated, held back and legally prevented from making their own personal decisions – their personhood removed.  Fears on the other side of millions of voiceless and helpless Human lives being ended as women embrace removing personhood from humans in the womb and legalizing their disposal as a way to keep from losing their personhood. Only one thing takes care of fear and that is love.

These fears are not baseless and you can see that it is an epic struggle.  The fears on both sides are valid.  Women have undergone real discrimination and been abused in the world since ancient days  - they have been de-humanized all over the world and we’ve seen the horrible results as they are used as animals, killed as property and victims of war, hurt, scorned, abused, dismissed and I, as a woman, can tell you that we still endure it and it is real and it is wrong .  To say that women, even in the US, are free of it – that is a lie.  Pointing to it being less than in other parts of the world, does not mean it is absent.  It should not happen and by no account is it right that it does.   The estimates of Human life ended by induced abortion number into the millions. Wikipedia sites the CDC as noting ~51 million reported induced abortions in the U.S. from the years 1970 thru 2013. Real lives lost by someone else’s choice.  The insidiousness of these lives being taken by de-humanizing is chilling.  It is wrong – by no account could it be right. 

So, what I say to women and men too is this – we are better than this – on both sides, we are.  Take a deep breath and exhale a long time.   To refute, dismiss or take the Personhood of any human is wrong.  There have been many actions that were wrong actions taken in the name of a good cause on both sides of the women’s issues.  Two wrongs do not make right.  No one has clean hands.  None of us are perfect or blameless.  And, we need each other.  Let me say it again – WE NEED EACH OTHER!  No one is dismissible or disposable or a non-person in this.  Isn’t it ironic that when we treat someone on the other side of an argument from us as though they do not matter it ultimately results in us taking sides with the very thing that we are fighting against?  We don’t want to be marginalized and if we marginalize others we buy in to the very thing we hate and fight.  We can learn to walk much better in this together – we CAN!  We do not have to buy in to shaming, blaming, devaluing or de-humanizing each other or anyone else.  It takes guts, it takes courage, and it takes badass vulnerability. It takes love.  It takes wanting to remain connected over being right.  Do we have it? I believe that we do!  Is it overnight? Maybe not, but maybe it could move even faster than we think!  

And, so, while I am not condoning the wrong choices of any person on any side of this, I’m taking action right now:

I give thanks for all those in the world (both women and men) who cared deeply enough about women being valued and respected and wanting the de-humanizing of them to stop in the world that they stood up and took life giving action to do something about it.  I want to thank them for making a difference for me and my generation and generations to come. I want to connect in good ways to embrace the spirit of anyone who has that true heart desire to bring value and respect to women everywhere and I honor those who take action in ways that lift up, give life and honor all those around them in the process – you are my hero.

I give thanks for all those in the world (both women and men) who cared deeply enough about voiceless helpless people in the womb being valued and respected and wanting the de-humanizing of them to stop in the world that they stood up and took life giving action to do something about it.  I want to thank them for making a difference for me and my generation and generations to come.  I want to connect in good ways to embrace the spirit of anyone who has that true heart desire to bring value and respect to humans in the womb and I honor those who take action in ways that lift up, give life and honor all those around them in the process – you are my hero.

Is it heartbreaking that women and humans in the womb are still devalued and disrespected?  It is heartbreaking and wrong. I hate that both happen. I will not hate people on either side of the argument.  I will continue to stand for both having dignity and honor, and, I'm choosing to do it in love. You can march with hate or dance with love.  Me, I'm dancing and still inviting others to Dance with Love.  Love does exponentially so much more in ways that are unexpectedly wonderful.

He Smiled at Me

The Little Drummer Boy has always been one of my very favorite songs to both sing and listen to at Christmas.  The wonderful imagery of a small poor boy offering what he feels is not fit (performing on his drum) yet was all he had to honor the Baby King Jesus – it so touches a deep place in us.  It is so beautiful how these few simple words evoke all the resonance in us with the little drummer boy.  Knowing his poverty and feeling the inadequacy in the face of the great high worth of The King.  Yet in seeing Jesus as a little vulnerable baby born to poor parents like himself he gives with all of his heart, his very best, sincerely.   And then Jesus smiles at him.  That is the topper – and doesn’t our heart so long for that, for Jesus to smile at us accepting our whole-hearted gift – to accept us?  To take joy in us! 

I was thinking about this carol and something sort of jumped out to me.  God has been trying to help me see this more clearly over all of my life – but highlighted it even more significantly this year. I realize that while it is outlined and hinted at, the way things are highlighted and emphasized in this song are a bit out of alignment with the true Christmas story.  God did not wait until we humbly offered our best to smile at us.  God smiled first!  God with great and awesome joy in His heart - sent his very best, his most beloved and deeply treasured son.  We see the hint in the song that the people understood the majesty and great significance of the King, “our finest gifts we bring…to lay before the king”.  The majesty of God’s gift to the whole world is so beyond what we can begin to comprehend - it sobers and awes us.   But, the part that is sort of missing is that through this majestic awesome gift of his heart how He smiled the most accepting whole-heartedly delighted, fully embracing and “powerful-to-save” smile on us first - generously, lovingly and joyfully!  Jesus is God’s brilliantly powerful smile over us! All of mankind corporately and each of us as a person, individually longs for the belonging His smile brings!  That is deeply personal and intimate and our soul thirsts greatly for this!   Personal acceptance of us (in our pitiful “I have no gift to bring…that’s fit to give the king”) by the one who can only be described as perfection – how can we grapple with the magnitude of it?  Our performance does not cause Jesus’ smile.  Our whole-hearted acceptance of His all-embracing smile right at us which brings us such great delight in Him, a whole-hearted response of adoration – that’s the place we connect deeply and truly with God’s greatest gift.

In this season, plagued with doing, doing, doing from a place of anxious expectations, take time to sit awhile under the King’s Mighty Smile of pure Acceptance and Love of YOU!  You’ll adore the perfect gift that keeps on giving.  Can’t earn Him, just receive Him and you will sigh with satisfaction and even find you’re smiling too!

Diving Deep!

I remember a time (I was about 9 or 10) I loved the ocean and was out swimming in it. A giant wave came up and knocked me over violently and sucked me under.  I hadn’t taken a proper breath and it kept dragging me down in the water, throwing me hard to the sand.  It tumbled me over and over like a rag doll in a washing machine, as I thrashed to get to the surface for air.  Once I surfaced, sucking in air, another wave hit me and got into my mouth and lungs as I was again pulled under.  In those frantic moments, my family and friends nearby -  just a few hundred yards away on the beach but not able to see that I needed help and no one in the water with me or any way for me to even call out - I literally thought, “This is it, I am going to die”.  I knew how to swim pretty well, but, I had not ever had a violent encounter of this type before.  I don’t know what happened or how, but, at one point I managed to catch a break in the waves and swam in weak, scared, coughing and exhausted, but alive.   It was a long long time before I swam in the ocean again.

After that, though the ocean was scary to me, I still loved and was fascinated with it.  Like my Dad, who loved to swim and enjoyed the ocean, I wanted to be in the water playing in and on the waves and seeing the living creatures up close for myself.  So, though I feared it greatly, over time I practiced and got better at swimming, even eventually took SCUBA lessons for my PADI license my senior year in High School.  Our class trained in our pool first and built up our strength and swimming skills, taking 4 weeks of nothing but lap work and learning and practicing life-saving water techniques even before we were introduced to the equipment. Then we began working with tanks, regulators (the breathing mouth pieces), masks and fins in the pool to get used to them.  During this time, we were given tasks to do in the gear in small groups and regularly, during these times, our instructors prepared us that they would come through and rip our masks off and pull out our regulators unexpectedly.  They did this purposely when we least expected them to in order to develop a reflexive trained response in us.  It may have seemed a little cruel and initially we panicked a bit, but, over time we learned to calmly retrieve our regulators (while continuing to blow out a small stream of bubbles until our regulators were cleared and in our mouth - holding your breath is a no-no!) clear our masks and to buddy breath with other partners while keeping track of our time down.  To get acclimated to the ocean, we put on wet suits, fins, masks and snorkeled off the coast in the Newport Beach area.   

At last, the day came when we put all of our training together for our final.  We donned our suits, weight belts and all of our gear and jumped off the boat to SCUBA!  Our dive test was off of Catalina Island at a 25 foot depth.  My partner that day started his decent and at about 15 feet he could not clear his ears.  He had to surface and missed out on certification that day.  By default the instructor became my dive partner. I went through with him as he tested all of our class members and was the last to go through demonstrating my proficiencies.

The first thing I noticed about diving that deep was the massively increased pressure on my face mask and ears (air has weight, but so does water and the further you go underwater the more weight is exerted against your body, it’s referred to as “atmospheres” -1 additional atmosphere for every 33 ft. of water).  At the increased pressure nitrogen gets forced in to your tissues and bloodstream – which is not of itself harmful.  However, divers must limit the amount of time they are under to keep from too much getting into the blood and causing Nitrogen Narcosis also known as “Rapture of the Deep” which is a disorienting condition that can cause divers to do crazy things like pull out their regulators and throw off air tanks.  Carelessness is a recipe for death - smart divers never dive alone.  Divers must plan their dives and know how to calculate how long they can remain at each depth or number of atmospheres and how much air that will require.  Also, the increased pressure and nitrogen in your tissues requires care as you surface. “The Bends” or Decompression Sickness can occur if you ascend too quickly.  You cannot just shoot to the surface as your organs can explode with the expanding gas at sudden decreasing pressures during ascent.  Some stops along ascent may be required on very deep and long dives in order to allow the body to equalize more gradually, this takes planning to be sure you have enough air in your tanks for not only your dive, but the time needed for ascent as well.  For me, it was extremely uncomfortable initially, but once I cleared my ears, though I still felt the great pressure, I was better.  The second thing I noticed was how beautiful it was at that depth of water.  The kelp bed with the different fish varieties swimming in and out and all the little crabs and critters around us and the feel of the water and ability to propel through it – I was hooked!  As I became absorbed in this new world the pressure of the additional atmosphere became less and less noticeable.  And, as I went through my auto trained responses and checks - the experience became more exciting and a pleasure.  I decided the initial discomfort and big adjustment was so worth it to see and experience this world in person and up close!

Its funny how remembering all of this is like a template over my life in recent years.  I’ve been personally undergoing a major transformative time of great pressure and challenge.   It has been some years for me – starting with my father’s death and the closure of a couple of my husband’s work places and his on and off employment.  This year, when my husband (hit while he was walking by a co-worker driving a truck) was rushed to emergency to undergo major surgery and many months of hospital and home recovery at the exact same time my employer began the operational roll-out of the merger consolidation at my work – talk about a violent WAVE!  Initially, I was in shock.  My only goal was to keep from being dragged under and to get air – thrashing to travel, seeing my husband in hospital in Orange County and maintaining my home and going through the new systems and trouble fraught roll out tasks at my job.  The powerful undertow only got stronger as my husband came home and the full weight of his every day care then fell on me at the same time my work’s ever increasing difficulties due to poor and non-existent planning and un-resolved operational problems ramped up to the havoc level.  The stress of being the sole earner and insurance carrier for the two of us paired with the physical, mental and emotional responsibilities – WOW!  I was back at the ocean in that terrible washing machine action wave scenario all over again and it felt so similar, tossed around helplessly and thrashing just to get up to air – family and friends were near, but, were not able to give the help I needed.  I was in shock and so drowning I could not even call out. 

God, thankfully, was way out ahead of me and so securely and lovingly held and buoyed me throughout all of this (in fact I had a vision long before that he would - see my post entitled "The Wave").  And while I certainly floundered about and still have lots to learn, I am dedicated to leaning in to this.  Just like the decision to take SCUBA lessons to operate safely and learn good reflexive trained responses to enjoy exploring the ocean, I am taking God’s Kingdom life lessons and becoming calm and proficient when my air supply is unexpectedly ripped away (an emergency or crazy situation, person or circumstance flares up out of the blue) I pray, read and memorize God’s word and connect with Papa who is my supply and I can breathe easy.   When my mask is ripped off (I can’t see people and situations or how to go) I rely fully on Jesus and pray for His vision and hear His heart in His word - calmly guidance and clarity come.  When I want to shoot up fast to the surface – The Holy Spirit taps me and keeps me mindful to properly navigate, wait and shows me how to equalize with Him internally, transforming my mind with God’s truth and realigning me.  God is showing me the delights and joys of His world at depths that are initially very uncomfortable, but, He’s training me to safely operate here.  HE is always the most loving incredibly powerful and reliable diving buddy.   I love the special things I’m discovering and seeing with Him at this new atmospheric weight and depth.  It’s a depth of relationship with Him of trust and intimacy I’ve never known.  There is no way to really know God without serious discomfort and major re-alignment.  We are literally oblivious in so many ways to how out of alignment we are, but He can and is fully committed to our SCUBA lessons (Spiritual Competency Unification Building Atmosphere).  And, we can get our PADI (Prefer All Daddy Is) license to dive deep with HIM!  Though it is difficult, dis-orienting and many times deeply painful - He definitely makes any of the discomfort, pressure and all I’m undergoing worth it!  The joys are tenderly mixed with a depth of knowing Him that are not simple to describe - you must dive in to know for yourself!