Resonate

It's been some years I've been yearning for worship to be more than singing about God's greatness.  I've felt more and more how important it is to resonate with God in worship.  The only pure and true worship we can give to God is when we are in complete unity and alignment with Him.  Not speaking, singing or serving at Him or toward Him, but in Him and Him through us.

Every time I've come to a place that embraces worship as speaking/singing/interacting directly to and with God, I've felt I'm home.  It's such a wonderful place and so familiar.  When songs are sung to Him intimately and not just about Him.  When my heart can lift up His greatness as already being present and not just future, not for what will be alone, but for what is!  I love and long for that state always - the state of awareness at whole new levels of His presence.

It's funny, people think I'm a little strange, but every day songs on the radio turn into worship songs to God when I'm in my car driving down the street and changing the words to sing to Him.  Everything belongs to Jesus and I love making them His in every way.  It brings me such joy and floods my heart with love for Him afresh.  I never want to just sing songs the same old way - I want every anthem fresh for His ears - to His heart alone!  When I sing with others - I want His heart to hear my unity with them from my unity in Him.

It's awareness of Him that is all that is lacking.  His presence is always here, always heaven is open.  I do not have to request He come - I just revel that He is always here.  I have the great joy of newness to my eyesight of Him almost daily.  His presence becomes more and more clear to my awareness.  This is what the Bride is growing in - seeing the beloved.  The beloved in our midst - we do not need to request He come or heaven come down.  He is here!  Heaven is here!  He dwells in us!  We welcome you Yeshua!!

How blessed we are to belong to You, God.  How wonderful to grow in knowing You.  I will never tire of growing in this and learning ways to discover Your presence anew.

There are many who resonate in this time.  We make the sound which comes from You in us.  It changes us in the process and the world around us.  It shakes the status quo and changes atmospheres. What an awesome opportunity and privilege!!  Help us to be aware of You more, God and respond, resonate in You!  Pour out your life through me, God - let me live for you alone!

Falling Down

You ever hear that verse?  The one where twenty-four elders are falling down and worshiping - casting their crowns before God's throne and glorifying him saying, "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created.”  

Can you imagine what that would be like? To have that be your sole existence eternally? I'll be honest, when I was first introduced to those Revelation verses my thoughts were, "How boring! Gee, so glad I'm not one of them 24 elders! Sheesh, how tiring doing nothing but constantly falling down night and day for eternity casting crowns in front of God's throne".  I was actually a little afraid that life in heaven would be less than desirable.   God is so funny.  So many years after that initial thought, I was in a study on Revelation and God brought those exact thoughts back to me - like, right between the eyes!  I had to laugh. I mean seriously, I saw how ridiculous my thoughts had been! God just smiled at me. My thoughts had so changed.  Over the years, I had discovered for myself how astounding God really is. Not just the words in the bible about Him, but He Himself, personally - how wonderful He is.  I came to the understanding that it would be the most interesting, amazing and wonderful thing to actually GET to fall before Him face to face, over and over, worshiping. How each time is brand new, astonishing, distinctly fresh and leading to a whole different level of adoration.  Seeing and experiencing previously hidden things, glorious revelation and creative aspects about Him that result in enthusiastic, authentic, wholehearted worship all over again!  Just better every time, for all of eternity!  I actually began wondering how the elders got that assignment. Then I realized I have that assignment - every day, here on earth and throughout eternity.  I am so thankful - so blessed - so overwhelmed when I really think on it - and excited too!   

Lately, I've been waking up in the night thinking about this again.  God's revealing more about Himself in this time. Our lives - they are about oneness with God.  He's made us for Himself.  We, like the elders, get to live each moment in the wonder of seeing new things all the time about Him.  He wants us to know Him.  The most important thing we can ever examine is what we think about God.  It forms everything we do, say and are.  If we say we trust Him, but act in ways that do not fully confidently display that - can we truly say that we trust Him? Understanding, experiencing who God really is in and for us - it's the key to our growing into the image of Christ.

If I'm blessed to have crowns, they'll never be enough.  But, I began to wonder what crowns are really made of.  I talked with God about it and my initial impression is that they are the actions of faith in God walked out every day.  Some are great, some are small - but they are obedience to God and alignment with His Heart in all things - that is the priceless material that crowns are made of.  So much just about worship.  He is so worthy, I want to walk in alignment with Him, not because of crowns I'd earn, but because it so blesses His heart and blesses me too.  I love blessing His heart. His heart is my resting place and crown of eternal love and joy.

Amazing Brains

Abby Normal?  

I am continually fascinated by people's brains.  I know it sounds a little strange, but I am always discovering how very little I really know, seemingly, by accidental stumbling over something in someone else's brain.  It's always quite interesting, sometimes puzzling or disturbing, and many times a journey of adventure and discovery.  

People and their amazing Brains - some struggle with many things, yet are quite talented and creative people. Some are loving, others productive. Some are depressed, others are wrecked and in horrible straights.  In every single one I see something so amazing.  I can't tell you how I see it, it's just there like a light.

I went to a training tonight that was a reminder to me again how people, me included, may not recognize things that happened to them as potentially hindering them in the way they respond and deal with things now.  People don't often realize that their ability to cope with things when they were young and possibly underwent difficulties may never have developed properly due to many potential factors.  They run into behaviors that they do repeatedly and wonder why, why, why they can't get free of them or just stop them altogether.  Development for them stopped at a point when they were young and has not gone further.  Typically it's just normal for them, so they don't even recognize it. They keep trying to do the good and right thing, but always fail at some point. Their way of dealing with life is to eat, drink, take drugs or do any other number of repetitive behaviors in order to cope.  They've never developed the ability to cope when young and life can be very overwhelming.  The cool thing is that it's never too late to continue to develop and grow!!  Wow, I see that and experience it myself in Celebrate Recovery (I've started a Food Issues group).

For a long time, food was my very best calming and escape friend.  I could rely that food would soothe, comfort, engage, excite or satisfy me.  Trouble was, the evidence of my "constant escapes" was mounting up all over my body and taking a toll on my health.  This year, God finally got my attention.  And, He was so sneaky about it.  I wasn't really looking for a program specifically, but He put me in one and He worked out every detail so that I could get the kind of "brain adjustment" I needed.  I am continuing to see "healthy lifestyle" vs. "weight loss" develop as a new mind set.

There is one thing I find disturbing. I've noticed that as I lose weight (which is no longer my main focus or even really something I daily pay much attention to) my friends are very vocal to me about my looks.  While it is nice to be given complements, it's also very problematic and uncomfortable.  I'm uncovering something I've run into about me before when I lost weight.  Weight was a very fine thing to hide and wrap myself in for protection. When I'm losing it, it makes me feel very vulnerable and self conscious, especially when people (even women) take note of it. And, it is a double edged sword.  I enjoy looking nice, I don't want to be unattractive - but I also struggle with attention - wanting it, but then not.  Does that seem weird?  It does to me. So, I get to unravel this brain in looking at where this comes from and what Jesus has to say about it.  

I, like many girls, grew up with a lot of unwanted attention because I developed pretty early.  If you can imagine wanting to have attention from boys and then finding that the attention they wanted to give was purely from an overactive attraction to your body and no real interest in you as an actual PERSON, well, for someone like me (sporty, nerdy sort of girl with a real brain and soul) that was torture, very hurtful. Sadly, I knew some girls who were talked about constantly as having horrible reputations all because of their body - no basis in any facts about them at all.  And, they never really dressed provocatively - it's just that they could not really hide their body shape no matter what they wore.  Sheesh!  What a rip off!  To have a very curvy body with a brain that actually thinks thoughts. I had a social studies teacher in High School that never once looked me in the eyes the whole time I was his student.  And, I had an adult man at the high school take advantage of his authority to touch me inappropriately.  People wonder about Norma Jean, but I don't. My keen ability with the snappy retorts and derogatory sense of humor became my protection of choice in High School.  Later, as I wanted to shed that mean spirited attitude, weight became my new protector.  I think there was an overlapping period of time where both were in place - not pretty.  Thanking God that both are now becoming part of my past.

So, taking a walk to see where the lies are and the truth that Christ has for me there instead.  An interesting walk, through an interesting brain - this time my own.  But, with the mind of Christ it is always revealing and full of His love and compassion!  So thankful for that.

Obedience as Opportunity

Do you notice how people seem to really dislike the word “obedience”?  It just conjures up images of Mom or Dad shaking their finger at you and saying – “You’d best behave or else…!”.   I’ve often thought that obedience just seems fit for dog training more than it does for humans living in alignment with God’s best.  But, they do have things in common. I think what’s been most irritating about obedience for me personally is the wrong idea I had that it is a drudgery or not fun to be obedient. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are points where it is a big challenge! But, like anything, obedience takes practice to get good at.  At first it seems a little awkward or maybe even frustratingly painful – hey, we prefer our entrenched ways!  However, after some time – practicing – it becomes easier and easier and, eventually at some point, effortless. 

My shift in seeing obedience as the real opportunity it is has become more real to me recently.  In looking at my career and some of the things God’s called me to do I noticed an interesting pattern.  When I wanted to leave and find a new work environment some years ago – God said, “NO.  You are where I want you – stay. I’ll tell you when you are to leave and I will provide where you are to go”.  So, I stay.  It has not been easy at times – I’ve had a lot of push back, difficulty and downright anger storms through some of it.  There were many days where I asked – “God, really? Do you want me here?  I don’t see the point of it”.   He saw the point of it and He always answered, “Stay” (See where those dog training similarities come in?J).  In more recent years He began to say, “Stay, and display a really great attitude”.  At times, that was so challenging. I certainly do not always succeed. But, I have been growing in doing that.  I know I’m making progress because I received a high mark in my review and special note about my positive attitude.  In fact, I’m actually practicing praising in the midst of extreme irritation (what an awesome thing that is!).  I’m learning that I can stand in Christ through very difficult things.  And, not just stand, but really joyfully over the top wholeheartedly being myself and happy – stand! That’s an opportunity I would not have in easy times or places. 

Another area of obedience as opportunity is in where God’s placed me for my home church.  Been there 6 years now going into 7 this fall. This is so different from any other faith family I’ve ever known.  It has been very awkward, puzzling, uncomfortable, and very un-relational and lonely at times. I’ve felt rejected at times, but God keeps telling me not to take it personally and – as with my work – to show up in everything with a really great attitude. We hold core doctrine in common, but there are many portions of the Bible where we hold vastly different interpretations. The differences certainly rub me the wrong way at times and I know it does them as well.  This is not a place I would have chosen for myself.  It seems an unlikely place for me to move in what God’s gifted me for, but, that is where God is so so sneaky.  He has such good things here – breathtaking things, actually.  And, despite the struggles, I really do love my faith family.  I have a heart attachment for them that goes beyond our differences.  I want them to be who they are in Christ!! I need them to be! And I and God both long for them to embrace the Holy Spirit.  I’ve done a lot of growing being with them.  Maybe they’ve grown too (grown annoyed with the constant “thorn in their side” – December – haha!! But – seriously yes, sometimes I know that’s true!).   Isn’t it funny how being obedient in growing really is not an easy thing – but it is the most wonderful opportunity. I've seen some strongholds have been breaking and that's been wonderful.  Others have asked me why I stay and I know that God wants me here – I don’t even ask Him about it at all.  He is bringing something fantastically beyond what I can see right now, it’s just on the horizon and, I will not miss THAT!  I am also learning not to defend myself or hide away my giftings, even if it is uncomfortable for everyone.  God gave me the calling – so humans can never take it back.  But, I am also learning compassion and humility in the midst of standing and being myself. Talk about a “tight-rope walk” at times – sheesh!! But, when I’m walking in obedience, even with some wobbliness at times - God’s got me balanced – it really is the best!

Back to the fun part of obedience – it really does become fun – seriously.  Obedience, when you break it down to the basic thing – is the practice of God’s very best life.  There are soooo many things I am completely ignorant, foolish and out of my depth with in this life.  I do not make good decisions apart from God’s word and presence.  I can’t rely on my own decision maker – it is faulty and frail and deceitful above all things.  I must remain obedient, even when it makes no sense, when I’m floundering in emotions, when I’m at complete odds with it.  And, ok here’s the cool part, when I do obey – first it gets easier to continue obeying and second, things really do work out best.  I’m not saying everything is easy – please don’t mistake me - but, God just makes a way where there was none before. 

Obedience – always the best opportunity - where God makes a way in me where there was none before.

What if….?

What if the way you thought life was supposed to work turned out to be very different? 

For Women: What if you really were meant to be a “guide”?  What if your very name and design by God meant you were the protector, guardian and boundary setter?  What if your domain were much more than solely the household and/or children?  What if your authority in dominion were to steward relationship and the earth alongside men jointly for God’s image to be rightly and fully revealed and to faithfully bring His glory to the earth?   Just what if God had a plan for you to be so much more than the culture would lead you to believe women are made for? 

For Men:  What if you were meant to remember what God had said?  What if you were meant to steward the earth synergistically together with women?  What if you could only fulfill your true role of stewardship on the earth within relationship alongside your co-regent - woman? 

Would you be brave enough to look differently at your life? Could you step outside your pre-conceived notions, comfort zone, and fleshly preferences to grow and live into amazing things God has for you?  Would you make choices to live into who you are designed to be in unity and honoring those around you?  Would you stand up and be counted as one who says – “YES” to God’s calling on your life, even in the face of potential challenge and controversy?

I’ve been dialoging with God about these questions.  I’ve had some tough tough choices in front of me.  I am (as I’ve mentioned previously) not a feminist – which I believe is just as degrading and wrong minded as the male counter part (male chauvinist). But, I do not embrace the notions that women are: helpless, weak, “arm candy”, only meant to operate in the household and/or with children, are to default “kowtow” to men.  I also do not embrace that men are the sole leaders, decision makers and authority in the church or culture.  I don’t believe men are to “isolate” in their roles.  I may offend many people with my notions that women are meant to partner side by side in equal authority with men in the culture and in marriage and that we MUST bring our gifts to the table together in the church for God’s glory on the earth.

I’ve watched as some families of faith are embracing these roles for men and women and it’s been astounding to see how God has flowed through it to bless and bring amazing things to the earth from it.  There are other families of faith who find this is quite a stretch.  Some are trying their best to embrace what they can.  I believe God is walking beside them and I pray they hear His heart.

It would be easy to back away from the uncomfortable and highly charged topic of gender roles in culture and the church.  But, God just seems to keep bringing the topic back around.  I sometimes wish I were not the one He’s tapping to talk about it, but if He wants to engage in it – I want to go His way and not mine.   So, like gold medal winners Misty and Kerri – when things look tough and maybe even unlikely, I’m just going to – breathe, believe and battle (in love).  It’s really just too important.

Treasure Finding

The weight was crushing. It looked impossible. He completely stood out to me.  It was all over him.  It looked...painful. Eyes down, silent demeanor, shuffling to and fro under it - all the while, silently screaming, "I'm HURTING, doesn't anyone see my pain, for God's sake!?"  I saw it.   
With client meetings over and the booth traffic slowed the last day of the exhibition, I looked next door and there he was, under that impossible whatever it was, the man in the booth next to ours. He was all alone at this show.  No other person to help out. I asked him, "So, how are you doing?"  He said, "Bored", as he then began talking to the person on his earpiece cell phone.  A little while later, he came over to our booth and apologized.  He said he didn't mean to ignore me, but was on his cell when I spoke to him.  So, I asked him again - "How are you doing?"  He fairly spilled out that his mother was dying of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and that he had to be at this show, but wanted to be home helping his wife with his mother's care. He'd just ordered an electric bed for her while at the show, to help alleviate bed sores, and though his mom was being tended to by his wife and wonderful Hospice care workers (she was the founder of Hospice) he wanted to be home with her. He told me he and his wife had brought his mom into their home when her illness had become too debilitating. He admitted that his mom's illness had taken a toll on him personally and his marriage as well, but that he knew this was the right thing to do and would not back away from it. Neither of his brothers wanted to be involved in any way with caring for his mom, but the highlight of his days was to walk in and sit with his mom and speak to her (whether she was lucid enough to respond or not).  It made his day when she answered him. I was so touched by this man's love and devotion to his mom. God put it on my heart to pray with him right there in isle at the convention center. I asked him if He knew God and believed in Jesus. He said yes. I asked if he would like me to pray with him and He said yes. Jesus just amazingly touched this man and his whole demeanor changed.  All the rest of the afternoon this man was buoyant.  As he packed up to leave that day - he smiled with a twinkle in his eye and said we'd be meeting again sometime and that he'd introduce me to his mom then.

It's just the most wonderful thing - to see people get freed up to be who they are, who God envisioned them to be. That is my calling and I so love walking it with Jesus!!  It's treasure finding.  Most times, the treasure is in places no one sees.  Of course, it's hidden and has to be FOUND!  But, the more unlikely the person, place or circumstance seems - the most likely it is to hold amazingly abundant and extravagant treasure.  I'm a treasure finder with Jesus.  It's the best life!  You never know just what may happen, but it's usually miraculous.  

Wake Up and See - JŌB

A sobering, but triumphant study - the book of Job. I think the thing that stands out most to me is how God knew Job was missing something big. It may seem as though God is capricious and even cruel in how he allows Satan to take away wealth, family and health - seemingly every good thing from Job. Those things would seem to be true about God through eyes that get caught up in this world. But what it comes down to is the reality that many rarely, if ever, notice or really sit and ponder. When you peel back this fleeting walk we're on that we call "our lives" there remains only eternity with God. In the very midst of this walk - eternity with God is the sole truth. Really seeing God - that's where the book of Job shines. God showed a living picture of paring it all back to one thing - Himself. The ONE! God is committed to Job in a way I think many people miss altogether. Not just committed to Job in his worldly life, but committed in ways that have eternal ramifications to exactly WHO Job is in his earthly life and eternal relationship. The limited vision we have with regards to our lives, what they really are - I'm not sure if "entitlement sickness" or "worldly eyes" describe it better. I know Jesus died to completely free us of it. We do not understand clearly how completely trustworthy God is because we're caught up in our vision - not His. When we see Him, things become very clear - we see our puny, ridiculous self and our outrageous mind sets, agendas and motives for what they really are - and we are knocked to our face, struck by His astonishing greatness!. We understand more and more how different things really are and, again, we materially change. Our idea of good can be so warped at times that we cannot fathom how ludicrous it is. God is completely committed to us and who He's made us to be. Oneness with Him - wow, though it completely boggles me, I never get tired of thinking on that.

Ultimately, God brought Job through everything. He remained committed to him. Job materially changed through direct encounter with God! He says, "My ears HAD HEARD OF you, but now my eyes HAVE SEEN you." He saw things too wonderful - can you imagine really seeing something too wonderful? For what Job needed to know - God knew seeing was what He had to apply.

Some do not believe God speaks to people today. While I've loved and believed in Jesus since I was a little child, my Grandma Nina-Bell (pronounced "9-ah") introduced me to Him when I was around 1, I did not recognize that I do hear God until many years later. I began to recognize His voice at about 38. I loved the Lord, the church, the word, prayer, worship, serving, bible studies, Sunday school, choir, reaching and helping others long before 38. But, I began to notice something over time. It slowly crept up on me - something clearly was missing. God started and proceeded to stir up a blazing fire in my heart, a constant yearning to know Him more deeply - in every day, every moment. I was driving along one day and became overwhelmed and pulled over. I felt such a longing and so wanted to know God that I finally cried out loud to Him, thankfully, I was alone in my car in an empty parking lot! (Crazy lady!). I said, "God! IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO YOU?!". It was really quiet. I poured out my heart to Him, telling Him I wanted to know Him and that if He was really the God of the Bible, to really really show me! I spent about an hour in my car talking to Him. It felt like just moments. Basically - no audible voice, no visions, no signs, nothing out of the ordinary in human terms happened that day in my car. But that day in my car - absolutely everything happened. Very soon after that day, God brought miraculous things into my life that did involve His voice, visions and signs. Some of them I was very unprepared for, but along with everything He provided His beloved people to walk along side me to mentor and help me grow - still walking and growing today! He took me on amazing adventures where I saw, heard and felt Him guiding me. He showed me how faithful He is for me - how committed to every detail and how HE does not need my help, I can rest on Him. I get to share that now with others because I know it so personally. And I get to share all that He's made me for and shown me. He has spent every day in the years following that day showing me who He really really is! Some of the things He's shown are wondrously amazing. Some are strange. Others, I can't really describe in any real way. For many years my biggest fear was appearing "weird". I'd plead, "Don't let me look weird God. I won't do it if I do." Hey, I am weird. Just ask my husband - he'll tell you. :) I have come to embrace my weirdness, and while I have moments where I may like to think it would be better if I did not - I'm leaning into God in the midst to live from my whole heart. But, weird really, when you look at the Kingdom, is normal. Counter intuitive. First are last, Lowest is greatest. We unconditionally love the unlovable. Yeah, Kingdom people are weird in the world's eyes. I've learned I can't back away from things that God is prompting for and I don't want to this year. My growth and stepping out isn't really FOR me. It's really FOR Him and every person He uses me to touch. But, I have to choose to be committed. I am the only one who can choose that for this life and I do. So, this year it's clear to me and I'm movin out in unprecedented ways. No stopping, no caring about how it looks, no caring about how anyone feels about it. God's been so big and good - meeting me right there with open arms. The urgency level and seeing God more is moving me to toss my stupid pride. Seeing God, it's not something I can fully explain or describe - except to say how all out humbling, sobering and terrifying it can be. But, it's also essential and good and glorious! His answer to me - when I finally recognized I hear Him, "No, December, there is MUCH MUCH MORE TO ME and I've been waiting for you to ask."

In this time, God is waking people to Him, to know Him as never before. Those who seek Him will find Him. Once they know Him, really know Him, they'll never look back - He completely wrecks people for anything other than Himself (that is the best wrecking that could ever take place!). People who behold Him will become like Him. BIG GIANT STEPS on the way! :D