Stir It Up!

I am sitting in another moment of the “outrageous miraculous”!  If someone had told me, I would never have believed them. God, you love to do this to me!!  God kept telling me, and while I kept walking in the way He instructed, I certainly did not see it working out this way - AGAIN!!  Can you imagine, being put in a situation where you look around and just do not see it working out in the natural - but, you keep going because you see something on the horizon that just looks incredible?  God keeps showing something so unbelievable, so breathtaking that I am on tip toe to see it completely unveiled!  I am committed to keep ON!  And, it had begun some time ago in certain areas to be unveiled, but each part is more amazing to me that the last!!  And, the fullness is yet to come!

This week, a group I walk with has opened the door for women to have the potential to walk in the way God has been prompting for at a whole new level alongside men in leadership.   I appreciate how much of a huge stretch of faith this was for them and still is, but I am so proud of them and so thankful to God for His amazing goodness and again – HE GETS THE GLORY!!   He kept saying to me – “It’s coming, just watch!!”.  But, it arriving is still so unbelievable, that I am laughing with hysterical joy at His goodness!! 

God, you are so deeply good and committed to who you have made us to be.  Thank you that you lead and guide every part of that process and are more than able!  I didn’t know how it was going to happen – but, yet, I knew He was going to do it!  And, He did and is!  Thank you Jesus – you are the most chivalrous, kind and caring and you take such good care of every detail!

Last night I was with some friends and we decided to go on a “Jesus Walk”.  It was an amazing time with Jesus (He really is the best!!).  Just before it was time to go, I asked Jesus if he had anything for me – He handed me a little silver sugar shell.  I looked at it and didn’t really know what to make of it.  He explained to me that it was for His goodness.   He said many people have things in their cups - things that are bitter, lacking, less than and they believe their cups will always lack.  He said, “You, stir in my goodness.  It’s sweet, sustaining, full of hope and abundance and revives and refreshes”.  The goodness of God – it’s potent and the supply, well, it’s unending.  I can never run out!  Good thing I got me a spoon!! HAHA!  Gonna stir it in and stir it UP!!  :D

Defamation of God

The issues regarding women - wow, there is so much there.  I have written about men and women honoring, submitting to each other and uniting with each other in authentic synergy as the way God's image will be rightly represented on the earth and bring a fullness that God will use in amazing ways.  Well, in line with that I actually had a book given to me recently that - no kidding here - almost verbatim had written in it some of the things God's been showing me over the years and some that I've discussed with a few of my mentors just in passing.  This book (The Forgotten Feminine by Denise Jordan) got to the heart of what is going on.  All of the attacks and misrepresentations about women historically and worldwide come back to one thing - the enemy wants to destroy the image of God. Really sit on that for just a moment. This is also true of the attacks on men as well, but the feminine historically and culturally worldwide has been more thoroughly assaulted as a whole. God is fully both masculine and feminine as well as completely other. We also, though we are males and females - have a mixture of both masculine and feminine uniquely in us (though our predominant way of living each will typically be shaded by the maleness or femaleness of our bodies).  Each person has varying degrees of the mix (you clearly see this in the make-up of individuals - just like God, who has both). However, certain factions are so clearly against anything remotely feminine in a male or masculine in a female that contempt and condemnation have been instituted to control, shame and manipulate people into behaving in ways that conform to these faction's beliefs.  It has been so pervasive, so insidious, so normalized in our culture to put down and mistrust anything associated with the feminine and so bind the masculine to a rigid code of conduct that even many Christians do not recognize that this is an attack on God. Especially in the west, God’s feminine aspects are all but a side commentary in most bible studies.  God is clearly misrepresented as solely masculine in many churches and as more masculine in most churches.  God embraces the feminine – it is legitimately part of who God is. God never shames or treats feminine traits as less than, undesireable, untrustworthy or secondary to masculine traits.  Many misinterpretations of scripture have lent themselves to the impression that even God would mistrust the feminine - but it is clearly inconsistent that God would ever devalue what is part of who God is. And God is breaking out women and so as well men, in a way never before realized in the world.  It is a way that will bring unity with both and fullness of God's image to fruition. This is a huge paradigm shift in process and more is on the way.  

Even if you embrace women, how God will be using them will be very very different from what people have previously been used to and envisioned.  And, so much of this also has to do with a greater unveiling of who the person of The Holy Spirit really is as well.  The Holy Spirit has been mostly left out of church discussions and teaching. The Holy Spirit is the person of the Godhead who encompasses several of the feminine aspects of God, though He is not the only one - both the Father and Jesus also have feminine aspects about them. The Holy Spirit is the one who holds us in the midst of The Father and Son's presence and helps us to receive all that God has for us. God is bringing a whole new level of understanding of identity – of who God is and who we are and it's very exciting - ground breaking, I'd say! :D

What has come to me personally about this revelation is so freeing - for me.   I cannot tell you how much I tried to talk God out of tapping me to ever talk about this whole subject. Funny how that never works! :) These issues are very near to my heart (Hey, God put them there), but, I never wanted to be viewed as someone who must automatically hate men if I stood up for women.  That is how those who stand up for the feminine are characterized and viewed by much of the world. I really am a champion of both being everything God made them to be because I understand how vital valuing and truly understanding both really is.  But in learning this very important aspect of the whole issue - that it's actually God's character, image and representation under attack - I can't tell you how relieved I am. It's as though a huge burden has been lifted off of me.  I don’t have to feel as though I’m trying to defend me or solely women and that is a great relief. I can speak on this with glorious FREEDOM now - thank you God - Wow, that's good!  And, it’s just a tiny part of a much bigger picture that God is bringing into view.  Amazing good things on the horizon!

Invitation To Dance With Love

So, last week, when I read a blog like so many I’ve read before, that shamed, blamed and while truthful on some details fell very short of loving, I deeply longed for someone to just stand up and re-frame the entire conversation. I kept thinking, “Where are the champions who can see the real issue here and look at this in the real light?”  I wanted someone to call up the best, not the worst.  At that point, Papa said, “What about you, December?!”  And...here we are!

Right now, God’s heart is deeply vesting in rising up His children in honor, unity and love with Him and people.  It is the literal hallmark of His Kingdom on the earth. It is the glorification of Jesus, in fact.  While that is His agenda – many of His people are busy pointing fingers at each other (and the entire world) in anger.  All the while the enemy is laughing with glee. When you really look at it – the enemy is the ONLY one who wins in this when people indulge in tearing each other down.  It’s just a continual repetition of the consequences of the fall.   He has strategically focused the attention of people on other people as the problem and objects of blame, shame, contempt, disgust, constant turmoil and unrest.  He has deceived even those who love the Lord into looking at others (even within the body) as objects of shame, contempt and rage.

Don’t get me wrong – bad behavior is not acceptable on any side of this (I no way endorse it).  Even Christ overturned the tables of the money changers and confronted the Pharisees.  But, he also died for them and from the cross asked God to forgive them because they did not know what they were doing. Maintaining a relentless focus on only the symptoms of a well-known problem has continuously proven it is not the way to solve it.  Christ died to reverse all that the fall brought about and God’s Kingdom is unfolding in ever greater measure to bring light and life where darkness and death have reigned. 

The blog post I read recently (Your Husband Doesn’t Have to Earn Your Respect – by Matt Walsh) focused on women’s failure to respect men and in fact culture’s failure to as well.  I do not argue with this – it is true, men have been disrespected and portrayed in ways untrue and wrong.  Matt talks about the crisis level this has come to and reasons why men act out with poor choices due to disrespect.  He describes in great detail the problem and what should be instead.  What he does not do is talk about the underlying cause and how God’s word tells us to address it.  Saying over and over what “should be” is not the same as godly wisdom and instruction.  In fact, who has ever changed the mind of someone on the opposite side of their argument through putting them down?  Please, if you’re out there – raise your hand high because I want to talk to YOU!!  And truly, I’m not just talking about Matt here – I’ve seen plenty of women do the same in posts as well - tearing men up. Heck, people in general love to tear each other up over everything! It is repetitive, tired and just causes people to hide, defend, and find more ways to protect. Display of contempt re-entrenches each side in their own position more deeply. After all, most attack is about fear, control, manipulation and protection in the first place!  Humans feel entitled to defend their own bad behavior in light of someone else’s bad behavior.  Beloved, we are each accountable and answerable for our own actions and choices (and we’ve all made very bad choices – each of us has).  While much of this attitude may stem from the disappointment people have in others, unfortunately, focusing on other’s faults blinds us to the opportunity and responsibility we have within ourselves (If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a – change ~ Michael Jackson). 

All of us are on a journey and need compassion and help on that journey.  We also need to recognize that we NEED others.  Others (even oppositional ones) are part of US.  They are not just disposable, inconsequential, objects of oppositional contempt.  We need to recognize the truth and extend compassion and forgiveness to others as we do to ourselves (don’t we somehow get over it in time and let ourselves off the hook? Even when we’re disappointed at times - we justify and move on).  We need to recognize that, hard as we try, we can’t make ourselves to be our best selves – why are we so much more violently intractable with others when they can’t either? We do not have to embrace wrong behavior to embrace another person (even ourselves).  So many get twisted and stuck in their own pain and wounding that they truly believe that only distance, control and manipulation through blame, shame and contempt will keep them safe, protect them and somehow set right those terribly wrong individuals.  Truly, seeing, supporting and calling up the best in others and encouraging them to unite and commit to grow for themselves in Christ into their very best self is the amazing opportunity that we have here, instead.  And, most importantly, personally committing in Christ to intentionally do the same ourselves!

I had scriptures come to mind when I thought about how God thinks about all of this.

Romans 12:21 “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Matthew 10:16 “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”

Ephesians 6:12  “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

Matthew 5:38-48 “Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: ‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift wrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously. You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Galatians 6:1  “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.”

1 John 4:18  “There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection].”

Beloved – let us be diligent, wise and indulge God’s heart of love and hope and not our wounding and misperception that somehow we can shame or coerce others into doing the right thing.  If people want to be right with full blown indignation and contempt – it can be done and is done daily, ad nauseam.  But, God has chosen and modeled a different way. His people will manifest that they belong to Him by shining His heart.  It is true that people will still make their choices – outcomes are not up to us.  But, fear never overcomes fear – only love can do that.  Our job is not to make others behave – it is to display and invite them into the glorious divine dance with Love.  And Love – Love amazingly does all the rest.

Utterance

I recently heard a teaching that sparked a continuation of a discussion I’ve been having with God.  A friend, Pastor Mark Dahle, gave a great talk recently, “If You Want To Do Something, You Have To Start”. You can check it out on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmwReWHDYxE

Along with going through the gift of prophesy (encouraging, building up and consoling others) which I really believe is huge in the Body of Christ right now – he also touched on the gift of Tongues.  Though all of Mark’s talk was very helpful, the tongues portion of the talk really caught my attention and got me started talking again with God about aspects of this that seem to be on His heart now for what He’s doing in regards to unity in the Body.

For many years I wanted the gift of speaking in tongues, but I didn’t like the “weird” aspect of it. I was too self-conscious about it feeling I could not do it right and was just too foolish in trying.  In an effort to make myself more comfortable with it I attended groups regularly that were helpful in inviting others to learn speaking and interpreting tongues.  They were friends and were not pushy about it at all, however, I still could not bring myself to engage it, even among friends I trusted.  I kept holding the longing to be free to speak in tongues in my heart and one day - finally, while I was alone - I asked God for the gift and told him that I was dedicating my mouth to His use and that I would move forward in doing it believing that He would guide and direct me in the use of this for Him, no matter how I felt about it.  That’s when I finally did begin speaking in tongues - in private in a room where no one else was and no one could overhear.  I actually spoke initially in a language that sounded (to my ears) like a human language.  I don’t know what language it was – sounded sort of Native American or an Asian form of some kind.  I did this for about 30 minutes and it became ok for me privately.  However,  I did not use it again privately or publicly until a few months later when I was in a group of believers in Jesus who began spontaneously singing in the spirit together in worship.  It was very natural and normal when that happened and I actually felt very free to engage in that moment of corporate worship.  There were no people there checking to see if others were interpreting or worrying about anything but responding to God.  It was a group of like-minded followers who were just enthralled spontaneously by God’s presence and responded with singing in other languages and with their own music as well.  Each brought their own words, melodies and harmonies.  I had never heard something like it before, though I have been in places where it has happened since.  It so connects in a way appropriate to the awe inspiring glory of God.  He is creative and honors creativity.

I speak in tongues from time to time.  It’s not a badge of honor and it doesn’t make me a better Christian or person. It’s not a set routine thing, but happens usually spontaneously -  mostly something done in private.  I have heard many variations of the types of languages – some sound human, some not like any human language I know of.  I like singing in tongues in my car when I worship.  Sometimes when I’m in worship in a group I’m prompted to speak in tongues during the time others are singing.  People can’t hear me, so I go for as long as I am prompted.   Sometimes I speak in tongues under my breath silently while praying for someone.  I have also interpreted tongues, where prompted, in settings where someone is speaking in a group.  I have only once had the interpretation of my own words given to me.  I am sensitive to those who are fearful of tongues.

I find something interesting in the bible about languages and where different ones began and why they began.  From Genesis 11 it says, “Now the whole world had one language and a common speech.  As people moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there…Then they said, ‘Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves’…The Lord said, ‘If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.  Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.’  So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.”

So, people had their plans - to build a city with a tower that reached to the heavens in order to make a name for themselves.  And God had His plans, from Genesis 1, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;  male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”  It looks as though men came into conflict with God in their goals.  The unity that people had at the point where they began to go their way is something that God dismantled.  He confused their language so that they could not understand one another and work together, but were scattered in accord with His original plan for them.

In the times we now live in, as I mentioned before, God is doing something very special regarding unity. Since people have already been scattered all over the earth, it is time to come into unity of purpose in God over the earth.  It is a huge theme on God’s heart and something that has been drawing various very diverse parts of the Body of Christ together in amazing ways.  He is also using languages to reach different people.  Something not spoken of very frequently, but was used by God to reach hundreds of people on the day of Pentecost was the use of tongues to reach each person hearing in their own language about the mysteries of God that were being spoken by those under the influence of the Holy Spirit in Acts. This is another use of the gift of tongues - to reach others in their specific language through the Holy Spirit’s guidance and pouring out.  This is reversing the confusing of languages to unity in God with His agenda.  God’s people have to get over their fears of tongues in order to walk in this. God legitimately uses this to reach people with His truth.  Heavenly personal language for building up our spirit is good and important, but, there is this additional practical use of tongues that God has in store for unifying nations in His truth.  We have to see this and press in to God’s leading on it.  Just sayin!

Again, no better time to live than now in my mind!! Love pondering this – there is more, so much more. Thank you God – bring us into the fullness of understanding this gift and your use for it in glorifying you in the way you always intended!

Waterfall Dancing

So, it started from snug in back of the sleek black chariot, smoothly speeding its way to LAX.  I asked God what this man needed (my driver). I was quiet - listened for a long long time and He put it in my heart to pray for a touch from God that would really change him – letting him know how much God loves him and wants relationship with him.  Then I asked, “Jesus, do you want me to say anything to him?”  As I sat listening, waiting for God to share, I began to get a word about this person.  The word “Guardian” came.  It wasn’t something I was looking for, but it just popped into my mind.  Then, “He protects things and people”.   So, didn’t know John from anyone – couldn’t get much of a physical impression, just the back of his head was visible.  Didn’t know if he knew Jesus or didn’t.  Didn’t know what “Guardian” or "protecting things and people meant”, but, was just prompted to share with him.  So, thinking (logic here now) – hmmm…how do I share something with him like this without sort of looking weird or scaring him?  I’ve learned that this is typically the enemy’s salvo to keep me from stepping into what the Lord wants to do – so I ignored logic and stepped up with, “So, John – it’s been impressed on me that you are someone who is a guardian. You’re someone who protects things and people.”  John, a little surprised but somewhat interested said, “I would say yes.  I was in the same profession for over 20 years.  I’m retired now.  Don’t really need the money, but I drive people around for fun and just extra spending money.  He said, yes, I think I would say you have it right.”  He laughed when I shared my name and its origins – thought it was interesting.  His wife’s birthday is on the same day as mine too.  He shared how he has trouble remembering important dates (thinks all men have this issue) but says he lucked out that his wife’s birthday is on Pearl Harbor Day and she made it easy on him by planning their wedding for Valentine’s Day - said it really helps him remember.   I told him I’m very blessed, that I have a husband who remembers important dates very well.  I said, “I’m getting that dates are not maybe something you’re good with, but details are.  You are observant and take note of things and details (maybe not dates) but lots of other things.” Then, I asked him what he did.  He went into how he had been a police officer for 20 years, working most of it protecting areas and people in areas where avocado growers had issues with pot growers using their lands for marijuana.  He shared some interesting observations and things he’d learned about life through that process and said, yes, it was true – dates he was not good at, but details and observation – he was gifted in those areas.  He shared many things and I thought, “What a precious person, Lord”.   As I listened to John, I also was listening for Jesus to tell me what He wanted John to know just for him.   I heard, “Tell John that I love him very much and that he is a special son of my heart.  And tell him I just love to be around him and that it’s really not about anything he does or that he has to do anything – I just like him for him.”  So, I began with, “Jesus impressed on me how very much He loves you and that you are a special son of His heart”.  He said, “Well, thank you very much for that” and while he sounded a little as though he was being somewhat just courteous, indulging me, I then went on to tell him that he really didn’t  have to do anything but that Jesus just likes him for himself to hang out with him.  He shifted a little then to sincerely being glad.  The last thing of John I remember was his big smile and warm sincere handshake as he made sure my bags were secure on the walkway and a kind goodbye and good wishes for my trip and hope I may see him on my return!

Oh, God is sneaky – yes, He really is!  And it’s so good that He is because surely He uses that to get around my entrenched wrong beliefs as well as ignorance regarding changes He wants to make in me.  Thank you God that you are faithful to complete the work you began!  So, São Paulo, Brazil – beautiful and horrible.   Deeply gifted and destined by God to be His glory in the world and terribly bound by things doing all in their power to warp and twist and derail her from her destiny.  I see similarities in me.   And just as God is sneaky in how he completes my transformation, so He is also in São Paulo.   The lovely area of town (Jardim Paulista) that my hotel was located in had some beautiful and very expensive shops, fine restaurants (São Paulo is known for its gastronomic delights), art galleries, and some mighty big banks (whole blocks worth).  It was a hub of activity day and night.  And just a few blocks away, interspersed hovels.  Painfully cramped and unfriendly spaces smothered in poverty and streaked in smoggy dirt.  Those buildings not protected by iron fencing were covered with graffiti (though there were pockets where graffiti artists had done some of the most beautiful works throughout the city).  Though for my company this trip was a whirlwind in and out visit to customers at the Hospitalar expo – God also had this time planned to sit with him about, over and for São Paulo.  Though there was much corruption and poverty in the city and outlaying suburbs God also had placed His strategic warriors there who He constantly partnered with.  They were opening light and truth in dark dark places.  I prayed in partnership with them (though I never spoke to or saw a live one of them in person –that I recognized anyway) we were joined by God’s spirit together for this area.  I don’t know why, but even last year in São Paulo, I had such a deep connection with God’s presence in a way I have nowhere else.  Truly, I just spend most of my time in tears there and on my face.  It is a deeply embittered land.  Pride in the culture and horrific wrongs upon the indigenous peoples as well as government corruption over all of the people – the bitterness is almost palpable in some areas.   And yet, there is such a heart there – something so fantastic.  There is a deep purity and holiness placed in the DNA of São Paulo.  There is a reverence for God’s Holy Spirit there.  Riding on the subway, I could see the oppression on the people.  As I rode, I prayed God’s refreshing – his rising love and light and sustenance - His bright truth and holiness - His purity and faithfulness!!  He makes a way where there seems to be no way. He is victorious in the face of overwhelming odds.  He never fails and He is fully committed and He is there!

I had to laugh – I came alone to São Paulo this year and was skeptical if I would remember how the subway route went and getting to the convention center and back.  I gave myself the option to take a cab if I was really off.  But, thankfully, The Holy Spirit is completely capable and in charge with getting me to and from places – He just always needs me to step up.  So, I did – I stepped up.  I found the right counter to purchase my subway tickets and hopped on the train.  I even made the transfer and ended up at the right destination (was there ever any doubt? – easy as cake!).  My only difficulty came when I arrived back at my stop to go to my hotel.  For whatever reason, I took the wrong escalator to the wrong exit up top, street side.  The first day it was initially disconcerting.  How I ended up over a block away from where I entered the subway that morning is still a mystery to me.   The irony is that I was only really about 2 blocks from my hotel – however, I had no idea which direction it was in – no landmarks stood out to me at all, which made it feel as though it was a million miles away.   Thankfully, again, The Holy Spirit is my ever present director.  Hey, it’s not an adventure until something goes terribly wrong!   So, there I am, looking up and down the street – not a thing in sight makes any impression of any kind upon me – but inside I suddenly hear – “cross the street”.  So, I cross the street.  Once there, I don’t really feel anymore sure about anything than before I’d crossed.  Then I get a prompt – “head left”.  So, I head left.  Then I see a little car dealership and sense a prompting to make a right there and I do.  I go down a block and waddayaknow I’m smack dab in front of the street my hotel is on! BUT, I don’t know which way I’m supposed to turn to get to my hotel (still nothing looks familiar).  So, the prompt is to go left and – low and behold, down a ways there is my hotel!!  Whew!  OK!  God, again, you prove exemplary in your ability to direct and lead – I get it; I really really can trust you!  So, the next day, after all of my visits and all of my scouting new potentials I have my notes and leads and I’m headed out of the convention center to go to the hotel and get my bags and head for the airport and I look at the sky – Ooooh, DARK, is an understatement.  Some heavy rain on the horizon.  The morning had started out similar to light Santa Ana conditions in Southern California – a light breeze and 80 degrees.  It was beautiful outside, so I decided I didn’t need my rain coat.  About now, I was remembering how having my umbrella last year was a life saver as we came out of the exhibition to the downpour.  This year I just prayed I’d make it back to my hotel before the rain broke.  Well, that prayer - it was answered just a little differently than I’d envisioned.  I made it to the subway with just a light bit of rain hitting me.  No problem, I thought.  It will clear before I come out to walk to the hotel.  Then, made it to the correct stop – Yay!  But determined NOT to make the same mistake I’d made the day before about going up at the wrong street exit – I purposely took the opposite exit to the one I took the day before.  And though this exit did not have a covering and the rain was buckets I kept going up, up, up into drenching rain!!  WOWEEE!!  OOOH – shocking, soaking – looking around for bearings – blinding rain – no coverings to stand under – just a tall rigidly stark and unhelpful row of government and bank buildings with no doorways to stand in.  It was quite laughable, really.  But initially I was not really laughing.  In my business suit and shoes with my portfolio and purse I stood with my hand over my eyes, shading them from the downpour – scanning the scene to see where I should head.  Same situation as the day before – no idea where I was or where I should go.  Not one landmark – heck everything was absolutely blurred with water.   Suddenly, I get the prompting – “cross the street”.  Now this day, with logic trying to interrupt, that seems a very wrong prompting to me.  I think, hey, I took the completely opposite escalator what if I’m on the opposite side of the street?!!  Now, standing there, in ridiculously blinding rain struggling with myself as to whether or not I’m going to take the prompting or hang on to my logic – that was pretty comic (REALLY DECEMBER?!). Haha!   SUDDENLY, I heard the invitation!   It was for a dance in the rain – yes, really!  With my hair utterly drenched, weighed down with water streaming out of it, my glasses completely covered in beads of rain (not much could be seen through them) and my suit absolutely sodden through and heavy pulling down on me,  rain pouring over me relentlessly - God was inviting me to dance in the rain with Him. In other settings, of course - dancing in the rain is one of my very favorite things to do.  But here, it sounded so ludicrous, so foolish and humiliating yet so invigorating, refreshing and completely wonderful to me that I said YES!!  And this was no ordinary rain, God orchestrated a dance in the waterfall with Him!  I was completely taken up!  My shoes were covered in water as the rain was so hard it could not run off, but just piled upon itself on the ground in a splashing pool.  I laughed and danced and my heart was light and joy filled.  I smiled at the people with their umbrellas passing me by – looking at me and my dancing in my bedraggled condition with pity.  I didn’t care.  Then, with the slick uneven walk ways ahead - I surprisingly surefooted my way back to my hotel - guided exactly as before (haha!).  By the time I arrived the rain had stopped – but my heart was still dancing – dripping, but dancing.  I felt a little sheepish as one of the housekeepers was in the doorway mopping up water as guests came in from the rain.  I left quite a puddle.  Then the kind staff gathered my bags for me (I had already checked out that morning) and I headed to the bathroom to change clothes and pack up my soaking duds to go to the airport.  As I dried off with paper towels and put on my dry travel clothes (stowing my wet ones in a large zip lock I always bring with me on trips) I felt invigorated.  God not only spoiled me with a special refreshing dance with Him – he gave me the shower I had no time for or ability to take prior to leaving.  I brushed my sopped hair and styled it back off my face – put on my rain jacket and headed for the door.  The doormen insisted I should take a cab, but I had taken the airport bus in and intended to take it out. I asked if they would just make sure it stopped for me.  They were kind enough to flag it down and I made it to the airport with time enough to catch some dinner, exchange my Reals and pray over some folks in the terminal before taking off.  As I sat on the plane that night - my hair was softer than I'd ever felt it and my skin too - I was relaxed and rested on my trip home.

I ponder the things Papa does.  Sometimes that’s the best part of my trip.  It’s like looking at a photo album together with Him and Him telling me things about it I didn’t even see when I was in the moment – kinda from a different angle.  God made a shift in me on this trip.  I was stuck and He knew just what would un-stick me.  I had convinced myself that I am just not cut out for certain things.  He showed me I was wrong, very wrong.  He showed me that no matter what I think about me – He is always committed to make me who He’s made me (myself!).  I don’t have to be cool, or especially put together or particularly graceful or know everything – that how I look to others or myself does not matter - doesn't make me legitimate or qualified.   That at what seems to me to be my most disoriented, directionless, bedraggled, embarrassing, dripping moments of silliness that I am dear, legitimate, deeply wanted, treasured, valued, walked with in measureless ways and greatly enjoyed by Him.  Believe me, a part of my heart needed to know that.  He told me, “Whatever side of the street you come up on, I am always with you, love you and I always lead and guide you!!  And, the invitation stands – I always want to dance with you!!”

Magoo

It's incredible how arrogant I can be about what I think I know.  I always hope it may be more my "Magoo-ism" than real arrogance, but the truth is, I operate from a place of deep deception when I am going by MY brain and what I've processed in it and rely on as what I know.  Really, the whole world is caught up in what we know and how very smart we think we are.

I made my little "pie chart" here with whole percentages for illustrative purposes (maybe I think I'm smart or sumthin :D) The smallest slivers of the pie should actually be fractions of what they are, but they don't really show up very well when put into that format, so, I'm conveying more the overall concept here (really, we're closer to the larger pie portion being  99.999%). The deal is this - we are completely at the mercy of what we don't know that we don't know. What we do not know - as a whole, it's literally staggering. If we even had an inkling, we'd likely try to hide under a rock or beg for one to fall on us. You may laugh, but, it's not actually funny.  I am convinced that GOD guards us in the midst of our ignorance. It's really just one more BIG reason to fall face down in love and gratitude to Him for who He is and for His great love and mercy to us.

And, because God is able to preserve us through all we don't know He is greater than knowledge.  He is over, above and far beyond all knowledge and knowing and the only reason that we can know Him is because He has first made Himself known to us. But, being ONE with Him - that is different.  It is a choice on our part - giving ourselves to Him - that is a response on our part, a further step than just knowing He exists.  That is trusting Him with our very self. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom - this is fear as in AWE that brings a true understanding of how no one BUT GOD is trustworthy (least of all, me).   Job said of God, "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him". That is trust beyond pain and death and that's just a taste of how BIG and ABLE God is!

Whew!  I am so glad that God is THAT great and good. Makes me really excited that I actually BELONG TO HIM!!  God didn't just stop at guarding us through ignorance, though - oh, no no! He actually invites us to oneness with Him and in that to operate from HIS GREAT MIND!  The renewing of our minds is ever on HIS mind! But then, He's made ALL things new too!  All of us is renewed in Him. Our whole self!  So, in oneness with God we become overcomers! What a fantastic life that is!

I love how God's great pleasure is in taking Magoo's (when we say yes to Him) and making them over, above and far beyond all knowledge and anything else in Him!  Praise and thanks to Jesus - who sealed the deal for us!  More of you, Jesus - we just need a greater awareness of you!

Nakedness

I was talking with some friends recently and we were noting how God touched us in a similar way when we all saw “The Passion of The Christ”.  We were noting how that film gave us a new level of understanding - a deeper reality and awe of how much Jesus suffered and the horror of his death.  We all agreed that there was such a terrible feeling we had at the reality that Jesus had suffered so hideously for us and yet such a deep gratitude and gratefulness that He did that for us personally.  I noted that the only thing left out of all portrayals and films was the fact that Jesus was also naked on the cross and that this was in addition to all of the tortures and humiliation and shame he underwent.  Then one of my friends noted that she had been studying the scriptures about that very thing and that in looking at how Adam and Eve went from being naked and unashamed into covering themselves once they ate the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and their eyes were opened that they were naked.  She said that when those who set out to shame Jesus on the cross by putting him there naked were actually fulfilling a divine plan that Jesus was the restoration of those things lost in the fall.  Nakedness without shame is one of the things lost at the fall.  Nakedness is restored through Jesus.

This actually really struck me considerably when I heard her say this. In that moment, Jesus sort of unfolded something before me.  It was considerably daunting and sobering to look at.  Just briefly, Jesus flashed before me that all things are uncovered in heaven for all to know.  There is nothing on this earth we will have done or thought that would or could ever be hidden.  Now, this thought put some deep consternation into me.  I immediately thought of the shame I would feel at being so fully and vulnerably revealed to all others in heaven and it’s because I know I am not completely holy and pure in so much of what I am.  There are things I would want no other person to know about me.  This was actually quite a good exercise for me to undergo, because it revealed my own heart to me. 

I have received so much freedom at Celebrate Recovery – a Christ Centered 12 Step program based on the Beatitudes.  It is a place where I can be authentic and really talk about things without the worry of shame from others. It is confidential and I can be real and take off masks of people pleasing and performance to be acceptable.  I am accepted and can speak about difficult things that I struggle with in a real way – with no judgment. I also have people I am accountable to which keeps me honest. It is amazing how this process cleanses me from fear and shame.  When I am honest and real about what is going on inside me – it always brings me relief and takes the power away from hidden shame.  We are only as sick as our secrets.

The one thing that struck me in what Jesus revealed is that I want to be honest about everything I have been hiding away.  I want to come clean with it long before I stand in heavenly company “naked”.  I want to stand naked – in the sense of real before all people NOW. That is a good discovery to make and one that I take very seriously and am pressing into.

So, I give my testimony again this July at CR.  I’m being prompted to take off my proverbial "fig leaves" and walk more “naked” than ever before.  Clothed with the righteousness of Christ alone – my piteous efforts at self-covering are not only in no way needed, but actually prevent me from living free.  I want freedom – I want it, I want it, I want it! I will have it in greater measure!  Thank you, Jesus.