What's Shame Got To Do With It?!

So, last post had to do with AH HA! revelation about Men and Women in Kingdom working together that occurred through Skip Moen.  This post - well, we're continuing on from Skip's deeply revelatory study material to connect it up and sort of superimpose over it another great research mind - in a whole other discipline. Brené (pronounced like René, but with a b in front) Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, has spent the last decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.  I caught her TED talk on vulnerability awhile back, which blew me away. But this year, wow, her talk on shame - a level UP!

So, shame - how interesting that Brené should have spent so much time studying it and then trying to head away from it.  Well, this year, she came full circle back to it (You gotta dance with the one who brung ya!). You can see her talk on TED this year, just google her and it's on her website.  Some basics: Guilt = I did something bad. I'm sorry I made a mistake.  Shame = I am bad.  I am a mistake. 

Two things really stood out to me in Brené's talk on shame. One - she interviewed men and women about shame and though the feelings associated with it were the same for both she found it is organized by gender.  For women it comes out as: do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat. She describes it as a web of unattainable conflicting competing expectations about who we are supposed to be - which is a straight jacket.  For men it comes out as only one thing: do not be perceived as weak. It is another straight jacket.  These explanations immediately resonated as Skip's study of Genesis came bounding back into my mind. In Skip's study the very thing the woman was vulnerable to was how the serpent deceived her.  She thought the fruit would somehow enhance her - make her better able to do it all, do it perfectly and never sweat a drop. She never realized she already had everything she needed. The man was vulnerable in that he did not  remember or did not speak out what God had said and then did not want to be perceived as weak, as his blaming God and the woman point to. He never realized he could have forgiven himself and the woman. Brené talked about how shame is responsible for addictions and is epidemic in our culture. She said the North American cultural norm women strive for is: Nice, thin, modest, and uses all available resources for appearance. The North American cultural norm men strive for is: Emotional control, work 1st, pursue status, and violence. Hmmmm...see any similarities? This speaks volumes. I was amazed at the tie in between Skip and Brené's study materials - like a hand in glove!

Shame - my friend and teaching pastor, Robert Walter speaks on it and he says, "What's interesting is that shame is absent in paradise before the Fall and is the defining characteristic of hell (Daniel 12:2). There are 2x as many references to shame in the Bible as guilt." Amazing revelation wrapped up in that short statement. So, until we ate the fruit of "we'll take control"- shame was absent. Shame is THE defining characteristic of hell - which is the one place individuals have placed themselves by continuing to embrace their own control which rejects God.  And there are twice as many references to shame as there are guilt in the Bible - hmmmmm...is God trying to get our attention?  So shame is the twisting of self, bent without God.  We are made for God - designed for oneness with Him.  Anything we do with ourselves outside of that design = shame/bent. Kinda makes me want to keep knowing God at whole new levels!

The second thing Brené talked about that impacted me was on vulnerability. She said it is our most accurate measure of courage. And vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. I agree with her. Her talk in essence was about remaining courageous in being vulnerable - risking everything (even failing) to Dare Greatly, because it's worth doing! And, it is!! Being authentic with one another, that takes real guts. Heaven knows we can't do it all, do it perfectly and never sweat and that we fail in never being perceived as weak. We are fighting the gremlins who say, "Things happened to you growing up, you aren't smart enough, pretty enough, never good enough and who do you think you are?" And 99% of the time - those gremlins are us! This is the truth. Brené and Skip both talk about being willing to sit with one another, find our way back to one another through this process and realize how shame causes us to look at one another. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but it needs to be embraced. She said empathy is the antidote to shame. Where secrecy, silence and judgement empower shame - empathy (me too) cures it!  I see this at work in Celebrate Recovery - when I dare greatly to be myself and take off the mask of perfectionism - others love and accept me right there and all the dreaded shame evaporates and I'm living wholeheartedly! I want more of that and I'm not gonna stop!  I think lots of people really do too.  Heaven knows we and our world need it!

Ah HA! Women and Men in Kingdom Relationship

Wow, I'm still in awe of what God is revealing.  I have been sitting in the question with God for some years now about Men and Women and what Kingdom work together looks like. Over the years, He's given me pieces of the puzzle (some of my earlier posts "The Genders" and "The Genders [another clue]" talk about a little on that).  In February I stumbled across a resource (the fact that the route taken to stumble across it was quite convoluted, shows me another amazing aspect of God's ability).  And it finally brought so many of the pieces I've been holding together in a complete and amazing way.

The "it" I stumbled across is a blog by Skip Moen. If you do not know who Skip Moen (a Messianic Jew and scholar) is and wish to become acquainted with him, his website is in my list of favorites.  He has a fine introductory to his work free of charge that's called "30 Days of the Hebrew Worldview".

In any case, there are many things I could share about Skip's materials and insights, but the quintessential thing that struck me is how our Bible versions in English have absolutely no ability to convey the fullness that was lost from the Hebrew.  When I read Genesis, I see Adam and Eve after the fall go on with their lives. There is not a lot of undertone or overt action that leads you to see how things are between them. Very little comes through the written English translation of the seething anger, hurt and mistrust that came after the fall.  When Skip dives into the nuances of both man and woman's choices after the fall it becomes evident what has happened and the implications are still ringing in our ears today!  Adam blames the woman  and God for giving him the woman for his predicament.  He takes no personal responsibility for his own failure nor does he forgive.  The woman wanting to be more, falls for the deception of the serpent - believing lies - she admits being deceived even though she knew what God had said.  Adam then, in an act we can't appreciate very well contextually in English - names the woman Eve.  First, the act of naming her and what it means - made his co-regent on the earth by God, in naming her he puts the woman under himself, as he did the animals.  Even the name Eve - while it means Mother of all the living, also has other less "regal" connotations in Hebrew. The woman is no better - she, longing for relationship now broken and alienated from Adam's isolating turns to her children as solace and replacement, even their names indicate her mind set.  In the process - the first co-dependent mom continues brokenness into her family and the world family suffers.  It is all so evident and resonant even today.  Men don't trust women to co-lead in the world along side them as God intended because of all that happened in the fall.  There has never been forgiveness for this.  Man has not forgiven woman, he has not admitted to his own part so that he can forgive himself either.  God told Adam and Eve what the outflow consequences of the fall were going to be - man alienated from the earth, in working and woman desiring man, but always being ruled over by him. Christ has restored all that the fall took from us - we can have right relation where love, forgiveness and honor rule.  We, like Abraham, could have always had it by faith, counted as righteousness.

At this point I find it so wonderful that God is working mightily on unity and honor in the body. These are watchwords in our time. The Bride of Christ will have no spot or wrinkle.  Those who honor, celebrate and rightly work in unity one with another, man and woman, across nationalities and through relationship in Christ shine forth a reflection of the fullness of God. He is glorified and honored when this happens and blessing is the natural outflow of it. The world is full of brokenness - but, the Bride/Body will shine the truth - she will be a brilliant reflection of her Bridegroom's love.  Foolish jokes, snide remarks, resentment, mistrust, control - all these things will go as the love of Christ fills His people and they embrace forgiveness and unity.  We will see where this healing is embraced because miraculous things will happen where it is!

When God saw that Adam had no kind of his own it was the one thing He said was NOT good - for man to be alone.   Man has tried to isolate ever since the fall, even making it seem culturally unmanly to be relational (which is a lie).  God made woman from the man - same bone and flesh as him and He named woman "Ezer Kenegdo" -  she was made to be the protector of man, the boundary setter and the one who guides him.  Her intimate design to be connected always with God was to be the benefit to man that he needed in relationship.  Man was always to - Remember what God said.  He was made for this. His design was to leave his mother and father and super glue himself to woman - they, in relationship with each other and God fulfill their design for dominion over the earth together - man cultivating and stewarding his substance of origin (the earth) in bringing the garden to cover all the earth and woman cultivating her substance of origin (the man and earth) through bringing relationship all over the earth.  We don't see a whole lot of this original design being lived out together in the way God intended.  Either men dominate and dishonor women out of fear and resentment or women over control or dishonor men out of fear or each may not live into who they are out of fear- all of this is wrong.  Mutual submission and honor - working things out - this is right and God honoring.  The idea that woman by default just by being women must submit to man as a final authority for decisions has no scriptural basis nor do scriptures say men are the sole spiritual leaders in church bodies and families. Sadly, until men embrace their Ezer Kenegdo for who she is they will not be fulfilled as men in their own right! Passages in the new testament written to specific churches regarding problems they were encountering have been used to create doctrine.  So much has been twisted, distorted and misaligned out of fear. And much of it has gone undiscovered because of our terrible translations.  Where love rules, things get worked out between people and there does not need to be an assigned "default" authority decision maker. Fear causes excuses for these things. It's time for these fears to go and for people to forgive and mutually recognize their portion of wrong, repent and come together in unity!  I'm excited to see this and be a part of it.  I didn't really want to be a part of it at the start of my recognizing it, but God has been so good to show me the brilliance of the outcome of obedience to His original design and intentions. The Bride is that outcome and she is breathtaking and will lift Jesus high, which will draw all those who are His to Him. 

Whew!  What a fantastic time to live.  I'm excited to see all God is doing to bring His Kingdom rightly through love and honor in men and women!

Hidden In Plain View

I've had some things crystallize and come into sharp focus recently.  Throughout the toughest parts I've prayed, cried, screamed, basically been on an emotional roller coaster at times. Through it all, God has been so patient - so trustworthy, walking me steady and guarding me. I can honestly say I've wanted to throw in the towel at many junctures.  I've asked, "What do you want me to do Lord?" sort of knowing before hand that He just wanted me to rest in Him and trust that He would take care of me and show me what I needed to release to Him. I'm so thankful for Him.  Our relationship is something that's grown as a result of my struggles - so I am very grateful for that.  But additionally, another piece of this long puzzle has come into sharp focus for me.  I've known I was in training and growing - even noted that this "Boot Camp" is not for the squeamish.  But my recent re-writing of my testimony to include more of what's come from this struggle and even more recent prayer and times of God sending me insights - has coalesced into an amazing deeper heart level of knowing Him.  To give a better idea - here are some words from Matthew 5:43 through 48 that sum up much of what I've been experiencing at a deeper level of understanding:

Matthew 5:43-48 The Message
"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that."
"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

I discovered, when I had looked at some points of my struggles, that I was able to concede the truth of the things Jesus was showing me - that I needed to love people who were not,  in any sense of the word "lovable" at times.  But I was just not really doing it wholeheartedly.  Oh, I would pray and note when they did good work - commending and seeing good things about them.  But now looking back, it was always in a limited "I'll give you this much, but no more" sort of way.  Mostly because at times one person was still really irritating and hurting me.  In short, I was holding out -  not being generous or patient because I was still holding on to a portion of resentment - feeling that the person should turn around and repent or stop.  I hadn't given it up to Jesus.  You cannot be a child of God and fail to be patient or generous - it's incompatible with God's nature and Spirit.  When Jesus showed me, again, how very generous He's always been to me it made me so convicted and heart sick to realize that I had shared him so poorly.  I cried.  It felt terrible to realize that I had so badly represented Him. I had showed Jesus in such a limiting stingy and impatient way - which He never never is.  It made me very sad to think anyone would look at Him that way because of me.  But then, it was also such a good good thing to realize, because it finally helped me to see it.


I've known those bible verses for a long long time.  And, I've understood and tried to live them at many points.  But, I've finally learned that I cannot do it myself.  I cannot love people or be patient with them, but Jesus can through me - if I will let Him if I will wait on Him.  It's as though those verses have a completely different meaning from when I first read and thought I understood them. There is a transformation that's been happening. There's almost no resemblance to my original understanding - mostly, I think, because it was in MY head and not from Jesus' heart in me.


And, hearing about God's love again from 1 Cor 13:4 - Love is patient - it suffers long.  So, not taking my own active steps to protect or defend or do anything, but let God - wait on Him.  Its about God, not us or our actions.  I am still learning so much about this and long for the fullness to unfold.   Thank you Lord - make my heart pure and authentically a reflection of yours in every way.

Awareness

We all are in the process of becoming who we believe we are. Yes, like it or not - we live from our beliefs.  Now, if that seems in any way startling or untrue to you - it's possibly because you may not be aware of many things you believe, especially about yourself. Every person is made in the image of God, so all have started out the same in that. However, from the very start of life, each person takes on beliefs that they live from - some are true and some are not.  Some they have an awareness about and some are completely unknown to them conciously.  

We are all born into brokeness and darkness.  When we land here our believer for truth gets messed up, infected with our environment and state. We don't know we're made in the image of God or that we are made for Him (for oneness with Him).  We don't even know what any of that means and we have an enemy who's working to keep it that way. However, God (more than able and always for us) has given every person the  gift of being able to believe Him (faith), if they choose to. Usually God reveals that gift in some way through circumstances or persons in our lives. Some choose to ignore faith in God, even though He's puts that opportunity into each life in ways people can't ignore.  Those who do ignore continually are likely to go down a path to eternal separation from God.  Since God designed and created us for union with Him - our lives will never be fulfilled until we are living into that.  God never wants people to be separated from Him, but He opened creation to the possibility when gave humans free will to choose to love, trust and eternally be one with Him or not. Real love is only real when you have a choice. When we choose to reach out and exercise the gift of faith - by receiving Jesus and relying on all He's done - our standing and ability to believe rightly is materially changed.

Receiving Jesus involves many things - some are imediate and some over time. It is:

• An eternal miraculous final change that happens in a moment when we first believe Jesus' provision for us personally. His shed blood's power over our sin and our need of Him. That trust in Him makes us forever God's beloved children. 
• An incremental process change that happens over a lifetime when we live from the image of God in us through partnering with the Holy Spirit - submitting our life to Him and materially manifesting Jesus and living our lives as God's beloved children on the earth. It is learning to live in who you really are, in Christ.
• An eternal fact that was established before the foundations of the earth when we were seated with Christ Jesus in heavenly realms.  This is Father God's heart - the continual assurance of constantly living with God in His loving joyous state and it guarantees everything. It's a glorious paradoxical mystery.

When we receive God initially on earth, our eyes open to Him and His provision in Jesus - our eternal unity and reconciliation in God. But it's our living in the light of being made in God's image (something the Holy Spirit teaches us and guides us through) that allows us to become the glory of God and shine the reality of Jesus on the earth in every situation, circumstance and person around us.  This is when He unfolds in us as a process.  We grow up into all things in Christ Jesus.

There are specific and precious things of God held in each and every person waiting to be shared with all the others. God is so amazingly big that no one person can hold all the great and wondrous things He is. That is why each person really is priceless - each one holds the miraculous representation of the image and heartbeat of God in a way that no other can replicate.

God is so creative - His ways of sharing Himself through creation, individual lives, circumstances, unity, groups, everything - He is stunning, jaw droppingly awesome. He is so big that I would have difficulty wrapping my mind around Him except for faith. The faith that God's given - the ability to believe Him and trust in things I'm not able to understand - THAT is such a miraculously marvelous gift. That gift is grounded in the assurance of being eternally seated with Jesus in heavenly realms - seated in the Father's affection together with the beloved ALWAYS! What a permanent solid anchor that is. God is awakening His beloved in this time at an unprecedented level  It is such a beautiful and amazing time to live.  Thank you God.  Beloved ARISE!

Christopher Hitchens Died

Today is the day I found out that Christopher Hitchens died.  He died December 15th from pneumonia - complications tied in with the esophageal cancer he was fighting. I found out inadvertently through reading some people's Face Book entries about his death.  I'm sure many may wonder how I could care anything about him. I have to say, I didn't expect to cry but can't seem to stop tonight. It makes me so sad and shocked to hear it. I knew he had been ill for some time, but did not expect it or that I'd take it this way.  I was just  recently talking with a friend about him. 

Papa put Christopher so heavy on my heart for many many years.  I had no illusions about his views or lifestyle. I was well acquainted with his alcoholism, the many things he's said and written about God, Mother Theresa, faith and other things over the years and his crazed "in your face" staunchly "New Atheist - or Anti Theist" stand.  Despite all that, I find something about him resonates.  Really.  There was a brilliance and passion for writing and speaking on things he believed in that were quite breathtaking. Sadly, his giftedness for persuasion was very effective in bringing many around to his views.  Though I have no agreement in any way with much of what his life stood for, I must acknowledge his superior abilities and grieve greatly the tragedy that they were so misguidedly used.  Even more tragic is the loss to Christopher of the relationship with Christ that would have brought him such deep restoration and peace.  He always struck me as a man very very angry with God.  In publicly decrying and denying Him - he flaunted his utter disdain and contempt of God - putting Him in His place in the only way seemingly left possible to him.  I had seen in Christopher a very little boy left alone in desperate straights to fend and defend and very much wondering where God was when injustice regularly ruled in the world. I think he was somehow hoping to provoke God to a throwdown.  In all these years God's impressed upon me how deeply He loves Christopher.  What God impressed upon me has really shown me so much about God and Christopher - maybe that's why his passing has touched me so much.  I have always had hopes about him in my heart.  He has a brother who knows Jesus and though they'd had some very great differences over the years, they had remained in contact and I believe were on the best terms in 50 years right before he died.  I always prayed that Papa would open his heart and bring the right persons into Christopher's path to reveal Jesus in the way he would authentically recognize and see the truth about Him. I always hoped he'd embrace Christ's love for him and lay down his monstrous devastating hurt, rage and pride.

I don't know what state Christopher died in - whether he came to Jesus or not.  But, I tell you, on that day - when all the beloved gather at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, I hope to look into the faces and find his there. Really.

Gift or Pay?

I was talking with someone today and something she said really struck me.  I asked her what she wanted for Christmas this year.  She said she really didn't want anything, she felt she didn't deserve anything.  Then she mentioned about being good.  I reminded her, Christmas is not about deserving or being good enough - Jesus came/was given to and for those who could never BE good enough (we ALL qualify for that). She didn't really want to talk about that, said she'd been pretty good this year as opposed to last year (this is her estimation of herself). Plus, this year her money's all going to school and other things, so she feels bad receiving when she can't give.  I just shake my head on the inside - how Santa's persona has been put onto God.  How, if we'll just be good enough or give enough ourselves, we'll deserve and be entitled to good things. And how when we're bad or can't afford things, we may feel sort of crummy accepting good things because we (in our pride) have not earned them ourselves and want to!  What a terrible trap to be caught in. To honestly think we can ever really be good, in and of ourselves.  To shun humility and brokenness for that ever elusive perfect state of "self being goodness" and the sham notion that it's actually doable.  This is the trap most of the world is caught in - the "Santa's Watching" trap.  He knows the tally - he knows if we've been good or bad.  Trouble is, he is us and our tally keeping is very questionable at best. We keep the tally with Pharisaic zeal, blind ineptness, and crooked self denial all in one! Jesus, thankfully, did away with the tally board.  He is the only one who could ever strictly fulfill it perfectly and pay in blood for our everlasting inability to boot! And, by simply trusting in His having done it - we have ALL that we could never deserve!  How amazing is that?!!  Now that - that is something to celebrate!! 

So,  repeat after me: "Gifts are not earned".  "Things earned we call Pay". Some people give Pay and call it a Gift - expecting something in return. This is not what God does. God truly gives gifts beyond price that He knows we cannot repay. We are never gonna be able to "earn" eternal life with God. It's beyond earning, even by devout "monk types" with God's grace. He gave life in Himself through Jesus as an extravagantly generous love filled reflection of His heart and intention toward us - we just have to receive and enjoy forever!  It's funny how many, after having professed to receiving Jesus, try to earn Him still! STOP!!  The proper response in a gift genuinely received and appreciated is enjoyment of it  - not stuffing $20 dollar bills in the giver's pocket ever so often to pay for it. It would be funny if it were not so tragic.  When we live wholeheartedly enjoying a gift sincerely given, our earnest enjoyment is all that The Giver ever really intended. We should want to learn to be really good receivers of sincerely given gifts, but then, that's a gift in itself!

I choose gift - definitely gift. Hope you do too! Love to you all!

Got Thanks?

Thanksgiving, it's the big family event this time of year in the United States. Thanksgiving was established in our Puritan roots, Pilgrims fleeing religious persecution to establish Christ's Kingdom in the new world gave thanks to God for all His blessings in the midst of terrible hardship.  Many pilgrims died in merciless trials and difficulties while pioneering the new land. Typically, many Americans associate Thanksgiving solely with deciding which traditional dishes will be prepared, who will prepare them and, of course, what time the turkey will be served!!  This is followed by various pies, desserts, coffee and endless football games where people try to meet the challenge of staying awake (some don't try at all) with a tummy full of turkey and specialty foods.

I ask myself, was there something the Pilgrims knew that we don't?  Within the grimness, sparsity and difficulty of their circumstances - they were thankful.   Modern day Americans may ponder, how could this be? We don't seem to know how to be thankful much.  Oh, I hear people say they are thankful for God, family and other good things, but the same people turn around in the next breath and pour out a stream of such bitter anger and negative condemnation on their fellow man, circumstances and anything else in their path that all traces of thankfulness evaporate in the face of it.   I know this well - I've been the one doing it at times! However, I believe that what the Pilgrims knew is being revealed all over again at a whole new level to a new generation of the beloved - Pilgrims establishing Christ's Kingdom in a whole new way world wide.  We have the opportunity to see circumstances, people and all things through the eyes of thankfulness.  Why?  Because we have an overcoming God!!!  This is not to say that things are not heartbreaking - they are!  But just as things are heartbreakingly broken, painful, ugly and evil - God is so great, joyful, loving, glorious, clean and perfect and He makes all things new - we are His!!!!  Really getting the reality of this (not just in our heads, but down in our hearts) is the important secret to always having the ability to remain thankful.  This world is full of harsh realities, but the beloved have a reality far greater. He is the reason for thankfulness in the very midst of hard circumstances. 

Thankfully, got Thanks!